So sorry to hear of your situation with your family. I can only imagine how awful your husband must have felt to actually have his children leave but you have to remember, they do not have the right to harm other people in your home and quite clearly, they were negligent in doing just that when your 2 y.o. needed their help.

If I were you, I'd wait and see what happens this upcoming week before words are said about enforcing a visitation schedule. I (personally) wouldn't tell them they are welcome anytime in your home since they aren't able to be respectful or empathetic towards others' feelings.

I certainly haven't read any other posts of yours and don't know how long this has been going on, but IMHO, maybe it's time you that you all take a break from one another and try again only when the children make some progress in counseling.

I would address this weekend with your husband only once, say what you both have to say, come to some sort of agreement on where to go from here, then put it to rest. Enjoy each other and your daughter. She deserves to be happy with two happy parents.

Keep us posted and good luck.

my dh and I are in the same boat. We have a child who is 2.5 and his son is 13. Problem is his son is highly ill mannered, exceptionally disrespectful, and is very defiant. He argues with us about literally everything, even washing his hands after going to the bathroom. His son is so rude and condescending, that I just can't believe this is "typical" 13 year old behavior, but rather just plain piss poor parenting.

My ss lived with us at age 11 b/c his mother left him alone at home one night to go party. Long story short, we have rules and he had a problem with that. BM can't decide on anything, and when she does, it's all about convenience, not what is in the best interest of her children.

What we have done is let ss move back in with his mother, we don't enforce visitations, we can't call b/c she's moved 3 or 4 times since March, and of coure refuses to keep us updated on a phone number, and we have just decided to live our lives the best way we can. SS does not want to come over here, and I believe he doesn't b/c all of his life he has heard his mother demonize us, so liking us betrays her. When we do try to do fun things with him, he makes it the event a nightmare instead of a vacation, and poo poos every nice thing we do for him. So, we move on with our bad selves.

My dh and I can lay our heads down at night and sleep b/c we seriously tried our best, and continuously trying to help raise that poor kid is a real test of our marriage and sanity. Since we do not have a bm that is stable and continously working with us to help promote a loving relationship between ss and our side of the fam, we let bm have what she wants, and that is a hateful child. One day, he will grow up and read the handwriting on the wall and know why his dad did what he did.

We have no regrets in our decision to discontinue visitations. If ss wanted to come over for a visit, or see his dad, he knows the number. He is 13, and he doesn't call his dad ever, and he lives within 15 miles of our house. I personally don't believe that my dh was suppose to wait for 18 years until his son became an adult before he moved on with his life.

Remember this: your marriage comes first, then your children. Do the best you can to deal with the situation. That is all you can do.

Good luck,
Candice

His expectations weren't unrealistic. As hard as it is for all of you at this point, he did do an incredible job in helping the older children to realize that there are consequences to behaviour. He should be commended for taking a stand. My husband would not have done this and our relationship suffered as a result.

It is nice to hear that you have some peace.

edited