Seems like that is my favorite word. I wouldn't have invited her to the babyshower - if she invites herself you just have to explain that it's your family and friends. The fact is she will be a part of your life and that's why it's necessary for you to set clear boundaries for family functions, home privacy, etc. I had to make it clear to BM that a knock was expected on the door, I uninvited her to a few functions and included her in others. It's up to you and DH to set those guidelines and make it clear that it's not meant to be confrontational just guidelines for courtesy sake.

Glynne

Why would you torture yourself like this, especially if you are pregnant? Many people think that by playing nice, it will somehow create positive results. The truth: I don't know...maybe it does for some people. None that I've come across yet, though. Boundaries are a very, very, very good idea. It sounds to me like an "un"invitation is in order.

Good Luck.
db

I can so relate to your post- why cant these women - EX's.. back the F(*K off... how can anyone be expected to be all nicey nice with the person they are withs EX!!! Its completely insane.. I think you should have told her.. not only no, but hell no!!! The ex factor needs to be factored out.. you are way more PC than I am.. I wouldve told her in no uncertain terms absolutely not... Boundaries is a great word- and why these ex's seem to be constantly overstepping theirs is beyond me.
Good luck with that.

Yep it is that simple, BM needs to learn you won't keep her close to your life(as the baby shower thing) just to extend the knife collection. How many do we need in this set? Sorry but its obvious that if BM is sugar to your face then calls DH ranting you stop the face time so she has less to work with and DH has to reinforce it with BM that she has to keep in her place as well, yes she bore a child and she has a right to her opinion but that doesn't mean it counts all the time either, ours don't. You are much nicer than me, We only just started trusting BM enough to invite her to SDs Bday party(only cause SD wanted other brother there) and within 10 minutes of her arrival I was wondering if I had been drugged when I agreed to this? temporary amnesia? Ste those boundaries fast, and keep doing things w/ SS- she wants you to withdraw from his life- thats why she makes it so complicated. Do what you think is right and if you feel like saying hell no then don't refrain- it's probably well deserved. My DHs ex even had the nerve to ask if she could stay with us a week inbetween apartments- HELL NO was the first thing out of my mouth then i did offer to take both the kids during the time-I guess she magically came up with another iption after that.

Sorry I might be a little forward and hope not to offend anyone.

There is no reaon where logic does not exist

What luvdagirl says is spot on. MY SD's BM invited herself to my wedding shower! (At the time, I thought it was just my SD, my sis and I going to try on the dresses, the shower was a secret from me - BM sent the message through DH that she was really looking forward to coming up, spending the weekend with me, seeing my dress and getting all ready for the wedding. BIZARRE!!) NO. NO. It is ok to say no, and boundaries are good. UM NO - I told DH - too late, I already bought 1 (read 'em 1) plane ticket for SD to come and visit. No one else is welcome.

Your life with your husband does not include the EX in your house. The thing here -if you let her into things that are totally inappropriate like that, you are setting expectations not only with her, but with your DH as well. You can reverse the invitation. It is ok. (It is ok to say NO!)

Hi,
I'm new to this site,Thank God I found it.I am so sorry that you have this intrusive person in your life.I have seen both the good and bad (my own painful story) side of the EX syndrome.The good that I speak of is of my Uncle and his EX and second wife. I still call both beautiful ladies my Aunts, as they have shown both maturity and grace to everyone envolved.The EX explained it to my mother like this;why should I dislike **** when she wasn't the cause of our breakup? They share the children(now grown)and grandchildren, all three go out to dinner together, shop and spend holidays together,of course when the children are there.And yes,I am well aware that most divorces do not end with everyone on speaking terms. My Husbands EX is a horror side show! At the very beginning, I tried to be nice and cooperative to her, but I soon found out how sick she really is (I seriously think she is Bipolar)Since she was the one who ended the marriage and abandoned their 2 children (now grown)for a man who he himself abandoned 4 children, I innocently thought that things would be OK, since it seemed she did not want the kids full time.She quickly found out that it was no picnic being stepmother to children who hated the woman who destroyed their world.When she tried and failed to seduce my husband back,she then decided that she wanted her daughter back,never mind about her son, I could keep him! (her words,I swear)When I was in the hospital,in labor she actually called up and told me she was praying for me! And if I ever needed a babysitter,just call her!(Yeah,like that'll happen) Several months later, she went to the Doctor (not knowing he was my Doctor,he knowing about her)proceded to pull the old "poopr pitiful me act" about how her EX's new wife was stalking her and harassing her, could he please give her something to calm her nerves? He quickly told her he was my Doctor, and that he knew of a very good mental health specialist for her, she got all mad and left. He told me about it because he refused her as a patient and stressed to me to get a restraining order against her.Of course I didn't because it would upset the "children" in their fathers words.It is now 11 years later, and she is still lurking around,having suceeded getting the daughter back with her,and then went about warping her against me.Stepdaughter has never been out on a date unless her mother went,and it wasn't to chaparone either, it was to live through her daughter,she found another man to marry her and proceeded to spend everything he has,now has nothing.All through High school,BM allowed boys over at all hours and she allowed (hell No,she participated in wild paries at her house,supplying alchohol and God knows what else.This is a very small community, so there has always been talk about her and daughter,BM was once caught with one of stepdaughters classmates,but she managed to get out of that mess too.(apparently the boys parents didn't want it to get out and ruin him)So, I classify her as a sexual predator too.Stepdaughter now has a baby and is still under BM thumb,every once in while they both will try something,usually involving getting money out of my husband.I have put a stop to many of BM's schemes.There are 11 years worth of EX pulling stunts,and now unfortunately my step-daughter's.When will it end? Probably never, since she molded her daughter into her on image, she has more style and grace about her than BM, but I can still see what she is trying to do.

hangingin