stop doing the BM any favours...I know that might affect SD but I am sure she got her daughter into a doctor before you came along....let BM survive without you...she isnt doing you any favours just causing you grief and being a ungrateful bit$% to boot.......it sounds like she hasnt let go of hubby yet....

I would stop doing anything for this person if she is rude to you and just plain stupid. Like you said wait til she calls you and talks to you then say no thanks and until you can show me some respect I'll consider it. I'm in the same position too, biomom is just a bitch and uses her son to go against us. I'm tired of being nice to his bitch and for what? I don't need the stress and her fake nice angel attitude. She is out of my life.

-happy mom

Sometimes it's just better to leave it to the bios. Our idea of being a good stepmother might be getting involved, trying to help out, pitching in, etc. The BM's idea of being a good stepmother might be keeping your mouth shut, staying out of "their" business, not participating with the skids, etc. Everyone has their idea of the ideal situation. If she won't deal with you, well, then let her do things the hard way. It's no skin off your nose, right? She may never grow up.

We have my three skids on our insurance, but their mom's insurance is primary. She always claimed that it was too big of a hassle to file claims with our insurance, so she wouldn't do it. She'd just pay out-of-pocket for what her insurance didn't cover, and then make demands of my husband for his share of that. Well, we didn't pay, because there would have been NO out-of-pocket costs if she'd filed the claims with our insurance, too. We're only responsible for anything the insurance doesn't cover, not for claims she refuses to file. I offered a million times to file the claims for her, if she'd just send me the bills and the EOBs from her insurance company, but she refused. So basically, because of her own stubborness and unwillingness to work with me, she's paying out of her own pocket for stuff not covered by her insurance because she refuses to file claims or let me help her file claims with our insurance. Oh, well! It's her wasted money, not mine.

~ Anne ~

Ladies and gentlemen, take my advice: Pull down your pants and slide on the ice! -M*A*S*H (Sidney Freedman to the OR staff on dealing with stress)

stop helping her out. And point blank tell her that. Tell her when she adult enough to communicate then and only then will you be available to help her. Your husband is supporting you 100% that is awesome.
She souds like she has not really accepted you in the picture yet.. JMO
If you can be an adult so can she, but its going to take someone standing up to her. And do not feel guilty if you stop doing things because of your SD, the mom has to come to terms with the situation and stop having the ex communicate for you. K..

This is all just my opinion..
happy

Nice isn't it? You try to be the bigger person, but the other person always has to 'get one up on you'... so tiring. So, like everyone, just back off and let her deal with DH. After all, she wants to be a 'big girl' now so let her learn to potty train herself.

StepMom

Man has the intelligence to change his life,
Sometimes, he just fails to use it...

want to play nice, she can't play at all. She is asking you for favors but being very rude while doing it? When she calls dh and tells him to ask you for a favor and you do it you are giving her the right to treat you that way (you are teaching her that it is okay to communicate through dh and not communicate with you). She has gotten what she wants from doing this in the past and she'll continue to do that until you put a stop to it. She shouldn't be treating you like that at all, but it is your job to stop her (by not responding to her games). Having as little contact with BM as possible is probably best. Let your dh call about school (or even the teachers, counselors at his school can call bm, it'll probably mean to her more coming from them that it does from you) and other issues.

The only sure-fire way to make sure that she stops this immature BS is to not allow her the chance to. She walks all over you and is rude to you because she feels like you're giving her the chance to. If you take away the chance, the only way she'll be able to do so is to go out of her way to do it and (I would hope) your DH wouldn't put up with THAT for very long at all. I know you feel like you were doing the right thing by contacting BM about the problems at school, and you were, but BM doesn't sound like she's in a place where she's able to speak directly to you right now. Obviously she seems to be getting used to the fact that you are a part of SD's life (my SS's BM would never DREAM of asking me to get SS in to our clinic even if there was a problem) but she just doesn't seem comfortable speaking with YOU. If I were you I would back away and give her space without seeming openly rude so that she can't say anything bad about the way you're acting, just don't seek contact with her and divert all contact from her to your DH. She'll probably be thankful to tell the truth.

*~So sayeth Nymh~*