Our weekend with SS coming to a close
I just wanted to post a short blog summarizing the weekend. We exercised our right to take SS out of town whether BM liked it or not. Twice. She REALLY didn't like it, but has been informed that she can't do anything about it. Our parenting plan only states that we have to give her an itinerary if we're going out of state with SS - it doesn't even require her permission, just her knowledge.
It pisses her off to no end that SS has a good time when he's here. She calls him several (we're talking 20 or more) times a day to "check on him". Hello? If we couldn't take care of him, he wouldn't be with us. There's no need to hound him constantly to make sure he's ok. Most of the weekend this time, SS had his cellphone turned off. Of course, that pissed her off too. And magically it became OUR doing, we're conspiring to keep him away from her don't you know. She will never believe that SS actually would like to get away from her for a few hours and HE turns off the phone. So she goes out of her way to drive all the way to our store from her home (she lives 40 minutes away) to take it up with us. Thank GOD we weren't there - I just wonder if she expected us to be there and what she would have done if we were! Instead, she left a one-page letter addressed to BF ("Personal and Confidential") on the door. Inside, it talked about how she knew it was Father's Day and of course he wanted to enjoy his time with SS, but his phone (that SHE pays for and we have NO RIGHT to touch) had better be turned back on. She said if she couldn't get a hold of SS, she'd send a well-care visit to our house to make sure he was ok (??). She also said that ALL communication about SS needs to stay between them, that means that I should stay out of it. She said she's getting messages daily from people telling her that I've told them sensitive information that I've obtained illegally about her son, the divorce agreement and parenting plan (???).
My favourite part is at the very bottom. "SS says that you want to come back home. Call me and we'll discuss it."
...
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*cough* Excuse me.
So SS calls her yesterday to ask if he can spend an extra night. Oh no! She freaked out! She starts drilling him on if he's lying, did his Dad put him up to asking, blah blah. She kept him on the phone for half an hour calling him a liar. SS was so upset. He finally handed the phone to BF and he WENT OFF on her. "He's asking you to spend an extra night and you're to busy being a bitch to listen to him! Just because you don't want to believe him doesn't make him a liar! How do you think it feels to an eight year old to think that his own mother thinks he's a liar? Just because you make him call me and force him to read things that you've written out for him to say doesn't mean I do the same thing!" It was about this time that I asked SS if he wanted to go for a walk (we were all sitting in the car). He emphatically said yes, and he and I got out and walked for a bit. He started unloading on me about how she never believes him when he says he enjoys himself here. "All she wants to hear is the bad stuff. Just because she doesn't think I should like it here doesn't mean I don't!" I wanted so bad to say something about her, but all I said was "Do you love your momma?" "Yeah...she's just so mean sometimes" was his reply.
Long story short, she finally agreed to the extra night. But not without a very nasty email about how she's gotten screwed by our tainted court system, things are going to be rectified, blah blah blah. She threatened several times to petition against me because of whatever sensitive information she thinks I have access to. She says I read his emails and listen to his messages, and that had better stop since it contains information about a minor child and that makes it illegal. WTF? She also said that SS knows he'll be getting extra chores when he gets home because she still thinks he was lying to her about wanting to stay.
Later that evening, she called and asked SS if he was mad at her. Of course he was, but he just said "Why would I be mad?" I hate it when she calls him when he's at our house because she'll get him on the phone and just sit there. She doesn't talk, she just listens to him doing whatever he's doing. Occasionally she'll ask him what he's doing now. It just seems so codependent. This is OUR time, get off the friggin phone!
Anyway, this is a little longer than I had anticipated (and it STILL doesn't cover everything) but I need to get ready for work, so I'm done. Thanks for listening 
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Comments
That sounds so familiar
For a while there my skids BM did the same thing. When I first met DH the mother was calling constantly from overseas trying with much success to tell DH what to do and trying to dictate his life.
Now that there is a new sheriff in town, she actually expects us to be home whenever she decided to call. She has phone visitation and calls whenever she wants to but never tells us when she is calling. The court order just states she has phone visitation it doesn't specify we have to be sitting at home waiting for an unexpected phone call. We started forwarding the phone calls to DH's cell phone when we are not at home so the kids wouldn't miss her calls. We were shopping one Saturday when she called and she kept asking the kids where we were at and what they were doing. Thankfully the battery in the cell phone finally died after about an hour. The kids warned her it was going to die. She could have just called back later that night when we were home but she would rather complain. To me it is too bad. Had she communicated to DH when she was going to call then we could have made arrangements to be home. There are 7 days in a week. She doesnt only have to call on a Saturday when we are the least likely to be home.
Since there is nothing she can do about controlling where we may be at on a Saturday she stopped calling the children entirely. With her there is no compromise. It is her way or no way at all.
Nymph, why is BF allowing SS to bring his cellphone to vistitations? BM has the house phone for calls. If i were BF I would not allow him to bring it to your home. Then the phone and whatever may happen to the phone will be in BM's mind your responsibility to pay her back for. You are talking about an 8 year old with a cell phone. I would never give an 8 year old a cellphone.
Your ss's bm is going to get a rude awakening when this boy gets older. She should just get a grip and allow this boy to enjoy his time with his dad. I think she is afraid he likes it better at your house.
RE:
I know that's (part of) what she's afraid of. When he asked if he could stay extra time, she started asking him a list of reasons why he would want to stay. Is it because of the kittens? Is it because of the dog? Is it because you get to stay up late on the weekends? Is it because they let you play computer?
If she's not careful, that rude awakening might come a lot sooner than we think. I was honestly shocked at some of the things SS said this weekend about his Mom. As he gets more and more comfortable with us, there are a lot of skeletons coming out of the closet and they don't make her look any better.
*~So sayeth Nymh~*
The injustice the bm's do is to the children.
De inimico non loquaris sed cogities.
We have played the same game with bm anytime ss visited with us, and at the time I thought it was understandable that she call often as ss was only 4 at the time. Our last visit with ss was christmas 05.We had a week with ss and took him to see DH parents who had not seen ss in over a year at the time. We all had a great time together, bm called often and that was fine with us. However, ss was having so much fun with my son , daughter and other family members that he honestly did not want to stay on the phone(besides the fact that 4 y/o have no attention span). At drop off, bm started her yelling and screaming fit, gave dh a letter that we read on our long drive back home. In the letter she accused us of having distracted ss so he would not stay on the phone with her,claiming she heard dh in the background..( uhhhhm yea, he was telling ss "you need to talk to mommy for a minute) not talking him out of it!SS didnt want to go when we dropped him back off, he has a brother and sister when he is with us, and we are a very active family( so he has alot of fun and stays busy)...bm is alone with ss and does nothing with him except sit him in front of t.v with food. I wonder if she has ever thought that rather than make ss feel bad about his relationship with DH, she get off her butt and do things with her son that would make him feel better when home with her??? Since that last visit, bm has kept ss from DH...yes, she has hurt dh by doing this, my children and I as well, but the real injustice has been done to her own son, as is the case with other bm's who feel the need to be right in the middle of their childrens relationships with other parent and family.
I swear
That lady is off her rocker. This poor kid is going to require therapy thanks to her, and she of course will blame EVERYTHING on you two.
I'm just glad you got to spend time with him. Next time I would be a bitch and call her 20 times "just letting you know he ate his lunch with out choking" , "Oh, just wanted you to know he pooped and didn't fall off the pot"
Things like that.
Jo
RE:
I SO wish I could, but with the RO I can't (though I'm REALLY enjoying not having to read all her emails and get her voicemails at work!). She actually is a lot nicer when she gets to have all the contact she wants. What she doesn't understand is there's NO excuse for these excessive phone calls. There's no reason she should have to talk to him more than once or at most twice a day. But that's not good enough for the woman who needs an hourly play-by-play.
I've also noticed that when she has other things to do, she isn't quite so big of a bitch. Today, she had to go out of town with a family member and she was very polite, didn't call too much, and was even cooperative. But yesterday, all she did was sit at home, so of course that was one of the 20+ phone call days.
I wish someone would justhook up with her or at least take her out for the weekends SS is here so she'd leave us and him alone and let him enjoy himself.
*~So sayeth Nymh~*
ROFLMAO
My STBH and I are in bed with tears in our eyes reading this post. Thank you. LOLOLOLOLOL!!!!
I wonder if that ANON poster on someone
elses post is your ex?? How rude and inconsiderate of her to do to SS.. But in all honesty it will work out in your case for you.. In the long run why because when he is older and can see her truly for what she is he will be at his dads where he can breath a bit.. And as far as her emails about you, tell your man to tell her to blow it out her ass, oh wait she already is..
Take care.
Happy
" make sure you tell the people you love most EVERYDAY.. Its important not only for them to know but for you to tell.. Life is to short to be miserable..
Which Anon poster?
The one on Cruella's thread about baptism?
*~So sayeth Nymh~*
OMG, I love it Little Jo
De inimico non loquaris sed cogities.
I believe I will try that when we get visitations agian with ss. Call the bm up every 5 min to tell her what ss is doing, how he is doing it, how long it will take for him to do it, and then tell her when he is done,lol,lol I love it!!!!!!!!
HA HA HA
Good one!!! I love it. Call when he goes to the bathroom, sits down to eat etc....
RE:
What doesn't make sense is that she tells us NOT to touch the phone because she bought it and we have no right...that is, until she calls and SS doesn't answer. Then, the rule is if he can't answer then we need to so she can know why she couldn't get him on the phone. She knows we stay arms length away from that damn phone but she blames us when it's turned off and accuses us of going through his pictures and address book contacts. Why would we care?
BF said next time he gets SS for visitation he's going to tell BM that since she can't make up her mind on whether we're supposed to handle his phone or not, it will stay at her house with her. I'm sick of that damn cellphone being the center of our problems. I probably could fill a ream of paper with the emails we've both gotten from her about how "it had BETTER get turned on or ELSE!!!!!"
*~So sayeth Nymh~*
I See Nothing Wrong
With turning the phone off. Your house your rules. I would let her do the or else. What can she do? She is interfering with visitation.
About her calling the house phone
She does not have our home number and I want to keep it that way. Any mode of communication she has she abuses, so we never have given her our cell numbers or the number to our home. When she HAS had our cell numbers, she called both of us over and over - we're talking 50 and 60 times a day - until we eventually had to change our numbers (twice). So this, combined with what she's putting us through now, makes it pretty hard for us to justify her having our personal numbers.
I can understand her wanting to talk to her son when he's with us. What I don't understand is calling 20+ times every day for five days.
I'll type more later, now it's dinnertime!
*~So sayeth Nymh~*
I Don't Blame you there
This woman is a fruit loop!!!
complete queen
of the whack--do tribe. I know their bizzarre rituals well.
Hee hee hee..
That is funny.. Thanks for the chuckle.. I thought I was the only one coming out with all that stuff yesterday.. LOL..
Have a great day..
Happy
" make sure you tell the people you love most EVERYDAY.. Its important not only for them to know but for you to tell.. Life is to short to be miserable..
Have You Ever Seen the Movie Psycho!!!
Didn't Norman have issues with a domineering mother????? You should buy her that movie. Not calling your SS Norman but if she doesn't stop he is going to resent the hell out of her.
If bm doesnt have any of your phone numbers..
De inimico non loquaris sed cogities.
Then you should let ss bring his phone so you and dh are not in a position with interfering with her communication with ss....just turn the damn ringer off and let voice mail get it..check it for ss and have him return only necessary calls. Btw........I agree, bm is a "Bates mother" in the making.
So proud of BF!
BM sent us a bunch of emails full of bulls$%^* she's extrapolated from what SS had told her about the visit. She said that obviously visitation with us was not appropriate for an 8 year old child. She also said that I had no right to read the confidential and private letter that she had written to him and that I needed to stay out of their business. She said if he didn't take care of it, she would!
He, in response, wrote her an email that was easily two pages long. It takes a lot to get BF to the point that he'll even email her, and usually it's just one-liners, so I was honestly impressed with this email. In it, he told her that she had no right to try to dictate what goes on in our home or when SS is with us. If we want to take him to the next town over or even the next state, she can't do anything about it. He was going to be nice and let BM break up the visitation that he's supposed to get this summer over several extended weekends instead of the two-week chunk that he's supposed to get, but he said that she's so dead-set on causing problems that he'll just get his visitation like he's supposed to. He said that he will not be telling me what I can and can not read or listen to and neither will she. He told her that it's sad how she constantly threatens us and she obviously has no intention of cooperating at all. He blasted her for keeping SS from him on multiple occasions, and said that the glimmer of niceness that she had shown him this weekend had caused him to put on hold the lawsuit for contempt against her for running off with SS two weeks ago, but now she's pretty much taken that off the table herself. The most important part, though, was that he pointed out that even if SS really did tell her that he "wants to come back home", it's obviously not true. He posed the question - if he's telling you that, and all of these other things which are not true, is it possible that he's only telling you these things because it's what he thinks will make you happy?
I am so proud of him for standing up for himself and for me.
*~So sayeth Nymh~*
Additional follow up for last weekend
I forgot to tell you guys, SS did get to spend the extra night that he asked for from his mom, but she informed us that she punished him for it. She says she still knows that he wasn't being completely honest about why he wanted to stay and if his Dad put him up to asking, and she gave him extra chores as punishment.
I think that really sucks to punish your child for asking for extra time with his father. She's practically pushing him away herself.
*~So sayeth Nymh~*