so, i spoke with bb about vacation last night
and she said 'absolutely not. her vacation is with him, not you!' ouch. so i'm the big, bad guy, huh? interesting. what is equally astonishing is that we were having a great conversation until she found out dh doesn't want anything to do with her, won't go to counseling with her, and from now on, i told her she and i can communicate. she said 'so i'm going to talk to you on how to help dh become a better father?' i said, you don't have to worry about him, i'm in that position now, you leave that to me. the nerve! she wasn't even married to dh, let alone was he head over heels in love with her! it's just so frustrating to deal with a habitual liar, you know? she told me that she never does anything to alienate dh from sd, that she just gets these ideas in her head! ok! that she has NEVER lied about anything over the past 8 years...oh, what is the use! she is a scorned b*tch and no matter what i do, it will always be something. i'm just glad that i have finally come to a point where i can talk with her and not let her get to me. you should have heard me on the phone...i should be a lawyer!
: )
so if bb doesn't show up next thursday for our vacation, what am i supposed to do? we leave the next day!
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Comments
My Opinion
You should let DH and BB deal with each other. I wouldn't get in the middle of those two. You stand to be the loser and the abused one. He has the right to give his permission on his vacations. If you are not going over the state lines she doesn't have much to say about it. She may call the police so be prepared. There is no dealing with BM's like that. I know we have to deal with the same crap. He has to same rights as she does. Let the power struggle be between those 2.
do what you think is right
I don't agree. Sometimes the stepmom can be the best mediator.
Unbelievable
I still don't get this. You would think after dealing with this type of crap for the past several years that it wouldn't suprise me. I just can't see why BB won't allow SD to have a good time, just because its with you. CRAZY! I'm sorry for you and for SD that this could not work out but kudos to you for taking a stand to BB. Did you ever hear anything from the Judge? Is this a court order visitation time? Best of luck with this.
~Evil
Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall.
Confucius
it is court-ordered time
it's our first ever three-week vacation with sd. and we are going out of state but as per our timesharing agreement, we gave her 60 days notice. the only thing that has changed recently is the fact that dh can't go. but i am still going with my family...as for letting dh and bb deal with things, that is just not a good option for us. i don't let her REALLY get to me, and i know how to talk to her more effectively, we actually have civilized disagreements, unlike when she screams and bashes dh to the point that he just hangs up, no matter how nice it begins. it's been the same for the past 8 years. i don't mind talking to her, i just want her to realize what she is doing to sd. and i asked her what i have ever done that she didn't agree when it came to sd and she couldn't think of a thing! wtf?
so if she does call the cops, what happens? it's legally our time and i'm legally his wife. i mean, technically this is the same as me taking her to the pool without dh on our weekends...except we're going to the beach. : )
as for the judge...
he sent me my affadavits back (and to bb) because they are 'ex parte.' meaning we didn't want to see the judge so they 'don't count.' that's what started this whole thing; bb got a copy and called me complaining how my letter made her look bad. whatever. it wasn't even about her, it was about why i feel sd deserves to go on vacation. like i said, it's always something. so bb told me i won't be taking her on vacation, i said fine, take me to court, and she said 'i know, let's race to see who gets the affadavit in first.' psycho. i told her i wasn't worried about it. have fun, run with it. crazy people...
Crazy??
More like vendictive. Is it that she wants SD to stay with your DH while you are gone on a nice vacation? This is your scheduled visitation, if Dh is ok with her going then why would BB even care if her motives were indeed for the best interest of SD. It's not like you just met the kid two weeks ago and want to take her out of the country or something. Jeeze! I agree with you 100% in dealing with her directly. As long as you are willing to put yourself out there it can sometimes alleviate a great deal of frustration on your part. Has worked for us because BM can't manipulate Dh by crying, screaming etc. That crap does not work for me. Cry and whine all you want but lets deal with the issue and resolve the problem. I hope you this will work out I feel your pain.
~Evil
Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall.
Confucius
Well then she can explain it to your
SD her daughter why she did not let her go with you on vacation.
Not your problem. O'well. To bad so sad..
I say that you go on vacation. if she brings the Sd to you take her and let her take you to court.
Happy
" make sure you tell the people you love most EVERYDAY.. Its important not only for them to know but for you to tell.. Life is to short to be miserable..
I can see both sides...
Don't get me wrong, I think it's not fair for the child...but as her mother, technically she should have a say where she goes and with whom. With that said, I think you are an INCREDIBLE and AMAZING spouse for even considering taking SD with you on vacation without your DH. I would NEVER do that...Would never even think of it. Actually, I am so fed up that I don't want her on OUR vacations period...So really, she's very lucky to have a step-mom like you, who attempts to make the family a family, without regard to whether she is SD or not.
With that said, I'd make sure that the daughter NEVER goes anywhere unless her mother is around...technically, if she can say that SD can't go with you, then your husband should also be able to say what she can and can't do and where/with whom she can go anywhere else...It does work both ways.
If she doesn't let SD go, well, go on your vacation and enjoy...and if that means SD can't see her dad for 3 weeks because he's at work and that's the reason for you taking her on vacation, then too bad, so sad...she can explain it to SD...Fact is, she is attempting to make HIM take her for 3 weeks without you, as she does not consider that you should be with her daughter without your DH...I'd take that to mean that even when she comes over, she's really not your responsiblity...I know this sounds harsh...and honestly, like I said, you are an amazing person for even attempting this...but from someone who tried to do the right thing, yet the right thing meant BM taking advantage of me when it was convenient, then, I dissengaged and truly could care less at this point of DH sees his daughter or not...Not up to me to take care of SD if DH is at work, not up to me to do a darn thing for SD if her dad is not around, and that's the way BM wanted it...even though she probably didn't realize the implications when she began her stupid demands...
i know, i just hope
she shows up. i'm not worried about going to court...bring it on, sista.
thank you all for your input. i can always count you all!
called her today to play nice
and basically i am going to tell her that if she doesn't want me to take her, then we can't get her for the three weeks. i mean, we don't have money to put her in daycare while i'm gone! and maybe if i talk real sweet-like, she will come around. !!!!! am i just naive or do i really believe this??? hahahaha. i don't care anymore to tell you the truth. i am going to the beach, with or without her!!!!
but it should be interesting nonetheless! we get her tonight after nearly a month so i'm sure it should be dramatic, considering her mom has had all this time to warp her little mind...such a shame. but you're right, it's not my responsibility and my conscience is clean.