Hello everyone!!!
Well, I found this site about a month ago, and thank God! I don't really have any friends that are in the same situation as me, so I am thrilled about having SOMEWHERE to turn. So I've been reading some of your blogs, and by the looks of them, tis' the season for baby mama drama...Maybe it's always the season.
A little about my situation. I am married with 2 BS's(2&6). I also have a SS11. The BM in our situation, is highly irrational and unstable. She constantly uses the child as a weapon...We used to be on good terms, howsomever I got fed up with the lies, manipulation, insanity and drama,drama,drama-etc. BM and DH are unable to be civil due to her incessant bickering and bitterness. So now, none of the adults are on speaking terms(her choice)so the poor SS serves as her messenger. I hate the fact that he is stuck in the middle of this situation. His BM and GM make him make arrangements for himself, which is not his responsibility-that's for grown ups to handle, right?
Anyway- his life has consisted of one upheavel after another. Since birth, he has had to reside in more than 20 different living situations, she's had nearly the same amount of jobs as well as male partners- I won't even get into the drugs(that's on a different Oprah)All I know is, 30 year old women should not be hanging out with teenagers who abuse drugs or letting them babysit for that matter.UGH, the past 7-8 years have been hellish for that boy as well as us. I can never understand how these women can just drag these children through their own personal hell, just to have an ounce of "control".
Of course she does the whole malevolent mother bit, and PAS is her specialty. Always threatening us never to let us see him again, oh your daddy has a new family now-they don't want you there, we have no money b/c of your father, the list goes on and you can just imagine how screwed up in the head he is!!! Instead of promoting a positive relationship w/DH-she blames him and us for all her woes. It's disgusting! Every time she is broke-quite often-she calls to complain about CS, which she gets every month!!! They were never married, so she gets no allimony-yet depends on CS for rent? We finally had to back off a little while ago, b/c it got way out of hand. That meaning we have not called SS b/c of course we have to go through the gatekeeper first. Fed up with her constant hateful everyone-owes-me attitude, we let SS know that he can call us whenever he wants, and that BM is being too rude and we will not tolerate that behavior. So he never calls. Why? "If they want to talk to you-THEY have to call" she says. Catch 22 all around. Any tips for dealing with these psychos???? After 7 years- I'm fresh out of ideas...Any input GREATLY appreciated!
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are our bb's twins???
cause i am going through the EXACT same thing, only difference is i'm about one year ahead of you. been here 8 years and i just started talking to bb again last night. and it was disgusting how i had to put up with her shit just to get her to listen to me. but i think things went well, although i'm not holding my breath. bb is exactly like your bb, it's crazy! except our bb has gone one step further and accused dh of abusing her, 10 years ago! she talks in circles and doesn't ever realize when she has caught herself in a contradiction. it takes everything i have to not laugh in her face. my advice? do whatever it takes to keep a decent talking relationship, even if it means sucking it up sometimes (okay, a lot of the time, but think 'is this worth it?') seriously, sd10 is suffering greatly because of all these things and like you, we don't get to talk to her very often either. and bb just keeps manipulating her little mind. see who can tolerate her the most and work the psychology. think about your ss. he is going to grow up one confused, angry little boy and none of us want that. good luck!!!!
OMG!
It has been devastating watching SS grow from a sweet innocent little boy to a manipulative adolescent. His innocence was expendable, all so she could maintain her party lifestyle. Most of the things he has been exposed to from such an early age are toxic and negative. He has diplayed serious emotional and behavioral problems from the age of 5. DH and I have traded-off so to speak for years in dealing with her(I mainly intervened to keep the peace between them for the SS sake)Things used to be really ugly and she would constantly go off the deep end on the phone w/DH in front of SS. Getting him involved to "call daddy back b/c he hung up on me" crap, after calling countless times in a row. I did the let bygones be bygones bit sooo many times-good grief it gets old! But I guess in this life, I will be mastering patience and tolerance as well as forgiveness. SS is really hurting and confused. I'm hoping one day soon he will choose to come live with us and finally be able to enjoy all the benefits a stable loving home has to offer. He has never really had that before, and was too young to remember when his parents were together. All these men she has shacked up w/ have all been loser unemployed scum have really affected his sense of what "family" should be like. But she would never give him up, even if it meant he could be saved from a life of her self induced dispair!
why don't you
try to get full custody? it doesn't sound like bb is very stable. we would if sd weren't making good grades and extremely close to her half-brother. but i too hope she will come live with us, and i think that is bb's fear too. most of the time when these women (if we can call them that!) act this way, it's because they're unhappy, jealous, depressed, etc. not that any of that is an excuse, but remember when she is pissing you off that you are happy, you are satisfied with your life, you don't have to blame OTHER people for what your life has become. it's sad really. so keep on truckin' and yes, i'm with you, this life is teaching me how to become more patient and forgiving as well.
best of luck and congrats on finding this site! i looooooooooove it!
: )
Oh believe me, we would love to...
However, with our current finacial situation, it's just not feasible. DH owns a small business, and I am a stay at home mom, so most months we barely scrape by after the multitudinous bills and expenses get payed. Not to mention she is such a dirty fighter- Lord only knows what kind of shit she has up her sleeve.*Sigh* The court systems seem so unfair anyway-very biased against BF...In any case thank you for the warm welcome!