I am sick of the interference
I have not been on in awhile so hello to everyone.I have some issues that you may be able to give me some advice.Yesterday my sd called and asked to switch weekends because its mothers day and she wants to spend it with her mom.Anyways My husband and i dont go out and do anything hardly ever so we planned this little cruise thing for 1 day and now that our weekend is switched it will land on this day.My husband and i are now fighting because i got angry about this and he told me that i only care if it interferes with my life.Well i have had nothing but interference from the ex witch lately and i am getting sick of turning our lives upside down to accomadate her.For one sd lives with mom why dont they celebrate another day and this was sprung on us last minute.Another sd was over couple weekends ago and i was helping her with her homework when i seen that she had written our license plate numbers down so i asked her why and she told me that her mother wanted them.So i told my husband that we need to write bm a letter telling her that she should not involve the children to get information.So now when sd comes over what am i thinking that she is snooping around for info for her mom.My husband wants to leave it alone he says she is a mental case and wont listen anyways.My sd tells me her mother asks alot of questions when we bring her home.What do i do if it seems my husband doesnt want to do anything about it.We give her 500.00 every month plus drive to pick up sd 45 minuetes both ways because her mom lost her license for dui.Am i over reacting or should i put my foot down.
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I have two thoughts on this
First, I don't think you are overreacting about the BM having your SD snoop. Why on earth would she need your license plate numbers? However, that being said, I think that most BMs grill their kids about what happens at the "other" house. I think it is because they are very insecure about the child prefering Dad to them and they are hoping that the child will only tell them the bad stuff.
However, I do think you need to be a little more understanding about Mother's Day. I know that your cruise plans are upset, but I have to wonder if it is really a surprise that SD wants to spend that day with BM? I am sure that BM has gotten on your last nerve and that this was just put you over the edge (Why couldn't she have told you this a few weeks ago, right?), but remember that your DH is probably frustrated, too.
I hope I haven't upset you!
marika
I should be understanding but......
The cruise was 100.00 and it was for my birthday my husband and i never go out and do anything so i was looking very forward to it.As far as the license plates my sd told me her mother thought we only had 1 vehicle which i know she knew we had 2.She also tried to get the courts to only allow his kids on his will and not me.
She does sound like a nut job...
What difference does it make HOW many cars you have? It isn't like you are charging her for the cars! As for the will...what judge in his right mind would let someone else decide who your DH can include in his will?
And believe me I understand how you feel about your cruise. My DH and I get precious little time together since adult SD and her son moved in with us. All I am saying is that DH is probably just as upset about a situation that the two of you can't control, so don't be too angry at him for his reaction.
SO why can't you all still go on your cruise.
You are accomidating the SD so she can spend your weekend which just so happens to fall on Mother's day with her mom. Which is right, so why can't the BM and SD accomodate you two so you can still go on cruise, or is your hubby saying no now? J/C...
Happy
" make sure you tell the people you love most EVERYDAY.. Its important not only for them to know but for you to tell.. Life is to short to be miserable..
I agree with Happy..
NCP should have rights too! Since Mothers day is your DH normal visitation weekend and sd wants to stay home and share that with her bm( which is understandable) then just go ahead and go on your cruise together the following weekend and pick up the visitation on the following weekend which is DH normal visitation weekend anyway. If the sd requires an explantation to this change your DH can tell her that he respected that she wanted to spend mothers day with her BM,and willingly gave up his weekend for her to do that(which requires one to be unselfish, understanding and filled with love for the person they are accomodating.) Then explain that he will see her on his next SCHEDULED weekend. Your DH has to learn as mine did that WE will be together forever, our children grow up and create their own lives, and that by taking this action he is SETTING AN EXAMPLE for his daughter that he not only loves her(by letting her miss visitation with him) but that he loves and values you as well by not forgoing plans he made with you to create a stronger, loving bond together as husband and wife. This is not a matter of choosing one over the other,it is a matter of showing that loving one person sometimes means a sacrifice of time for another. (just as his daughter has chosen to do) And that there is nothing wrong in that.
Go on the cruise!
I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. How can you and your husband be good parents if you are constantly feeling defeated and stressed. You can't give %100 to anyone when you being emotionally drained everyday.
My suggestion would be this. The SD doesn't need the entire weekend to celebrate Mother's Day. Take the SD home on Sunday in the morning so she can be there with the BM. I know it's hard for the Dad's in this situation, they get so little time, but he may have to sacrafice a day for the two of you. Children are important, no doubt, but the two of you taking one day out of 365 for yourselves isn't going to crush the SD. Just make sure you get the SD on Father's Day, look ahead and make sure it's your weekend or switch days with the BM.
I am surprised that the courts, if you have court papers, didn't make it mandatory that the child be with the BP on Mother's Day and FAther's Day. In ours we have that so it doesn't matter who's weekend it is, the child goes to the BP for the Holiday.
Hope this helps you out and I am crossing my fingers that you will get to go on your cruise.
Yeah...
I too am wondering why you can't still go on the cruise...but if it were MY STBXH, he would tell me that he can't miss a weekend visitation (this has happened before) despite our special, expensive pre-made plans so I'd be shit out of luck. Is your DH worried about missing his time with SD?
It's normal for her to want to spend MD with her BM. Or maybe she was guilted into it...and even so, BM is not really wrong for wanting the day with her child. So...I agree that you should just let her go, take the cruise anyway, and pick up the visitation schedule where you left off before the changes. If DH says no, then honestly, it's DH who needs a time-out
He'd better make it up to you is all I can say!
that is nutty, using the
that is nutty, using the child to get info. why won't your husband say something to her? is he afraid of her? or does he think it will do no good? i don't think you are overreacting, i would be upset. can you tell or talk to bm yourself if your husband doesn't want to? i would not let sd switch weekend, tell her that you guys made reservations and cannot back out. bm use to do that to us too all the time, change weekends last minute, after finally telling her no more switching, she stopped. we couldn't handle it anymore and put our foot down after 5 yrs of taking her bullshit, i gave my husband an ultimatum and he told her.
-happy mom
Thats Very Common
Oh using the kids as spys is waaaay too common. I really don't know why she would want your plates, maybe to run a check on you or who knows but I would lock everything up when that sd comes. Your dh is totally unaware or in denial! You should have had a talk with her though I doubt it would help.
We went through all the spy stuff, and right from the beginning learned to watch it. We even had another vacation home that they never found out about, so you really have to be careful about having someone elses kids in your home. It is not the same!
I don't see the conflict, thats your day. So what don't have that kid come over for 2 weekends, whats the big deal. ....And what happens if you ever decide to go on a 2 week cruise. Is your life going to revolve around these nuts? JMO but I would have a LONG talk with DH and tell him your plans will no longer work that way.
RE:
I think the child should be with her mother on mother's day...I don't see how it's really a dillemma. Just take a different weekend in trade. There's nothing saying it HAS to be the subsequent weekend.
*~So sayeth Nymh~*
Well put ...
I think everyone has put it very well ... the make up weekend doesn't have to be the weekend immediatly following, and no matter how you look at it a make-up weekend, is a make-up weekend. If we had SS this weekend, he would be going home to his mother's by 10am on Mother's Day ... we don't get make up time, which solves a lot of these little problems.
As for YOUR BIRTHDAY cruise ... oh, hell no!! I would not be giving that up, no way, no how! Not just because you don't get much time together, but because it's YOUR BIRTHDAY!!! Is this an over night cruise? Can you have SD for one day of the weekend? If DH is insistant that the make up weekend be next weekend, then you find a GF to go with you on that cruise and you enjoy your birthday cruise woman! =0)
Frankly, looking at what everyone else has said, I'd probably let SD take the weekend - she might resent YOU if you guys say no. Tell her that you already made plans and next weekend won't work for a make-up weekend, but that you'll take X-date for a make-up weekend ... if she has a problem with it, then tell her "no" she can spend the weekend with you guys.
~ Katrina