Good Afternoon
First off, I want to thank EVERYONE that weighed in on this one. I realize that is it a very touchy subject. I appreciate the honesty you all set forth.
2nd. I am amazed at the manipulation we all face. Whether it is the BM, the skids or the bio's. I hate feeling 'played'. To me that one of the worst feelings. Exspecially from someone you love and I love my Daughter.
Here's how it went. She knows about this site, so I told her the topic of partying came up. I explained the it's not only about step families, we are all parents stuggling to do our best. I let her start reading from the first post, mine. She flipped. As expected her first response was 'how dare you' blah, blah. Then came the tears, blah blah,. I had to bring her back to reality, 'this is nothing more then opening up some dialog on the subject. I need to make sure you are aware of what you are doing.' So, she calms down and continues reading some of the first several posts. She got cranky again, guess she didn't like what some of you said. I again remind her this is about talking, not accusing. I scroll down to Anne and Looney's post. She bearly made through Anne's and started squealing 'that's it, why don't you listen to her.'
One of you sent her a private message talking about a personal experience. (THANK YOU). I believe this helped her to understand where I am coming from.
In the end, she still claimed this is not a problem for her, she is just having alittle fun, again the 'how dare you' and then she asked if she can still got to the birthday party on Saturday. I asked her if the Mother knows there will be drinking and smoking and she said yes, and added how nice this Mother is, how she makes sure we are keeping it under control.
WTF do I do.
Do I let her go, knowing there will be under age drinking partying.
or
Tell her NO.
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Comments
Thank you Fearless.
BF & I talked about it last night. We do not want her to go. He thinks I should tell her I talked to my lawyer and my lawyer said if anything where to happen and I knew about it, I could be in trouble.
I'm gonna get the guilt trip of my life if I don't let her go.
Go easy on yourself
This is all a part of parenting. I think you handle the situation with your daughter beautifully. And I am sure that some of my comments are a few that she HATED- But she needs to see this from several different perspectives as well and know that it is not "the norm" in every family for kids to get away with this kind of stuff.
As for the party- I agree with BF- it is too much of a liability- not too mention seriously dangerous. What if she drives drunk, or gets in a car with a drunk driver- She can tell you that she is staying there and has no plans of leaving the house, but we all know that we make rash decisions when there are such substances involved (you all should have seen the little dance I was doing in my living room last night after my few drinks- not a choice I would make sober). She may be a mature and responsible 17 year old, but she is still a 17 year old. And trust me when I say, if the right BOY asks her to run to the liquer store with him... she will go. You will not be the popular mom for a while, but you will be the smart one!
This kid is a trip
She just called from school. She wanted to know if I will let her go to her friends house togight. (the same friend). I told her BF & I talked. This is the deal. We will let you go over tonight but will not let you go on Saturday. I got a couple of, buts. I told her I am standing my ground on this and her friends Mother is putting herself in a bad situation. My kids response was. 'Whatever, you read my diary'.
I'm sure I'll get an earful when she gets home.
This kid is a trip
She just called from school. She wanted to know if I will let her go to her friends house togight. (the same friend). I told her BF & I talked. This is the deal. We will let you go over tonight but will not let you go on Saturday. I got a couple of, buts. I told her I am standing my ground on this and her friends Mother is putting herself in a bad situation. My kids response was. 'Whatever, you read my diary'.
I'm sure I'll get an earful when she gets home.
Good for you!
I think you handled it like a pro, Jo! Did you call and talk to the other mother to see what's really what?
~ Anne ~
Ladies and gentlemen, take my advice: Pull down your pants and slide on the ice! -M*A*S*H (Sidney Freedman to the OR staff on dealing with stress)
No I didn't
I think I'm going to leave that one alone. Hey Anne, Did you like the part about my Daughter loving what you said. That's why yesterday, I asked if YOU wrote her dialog. lol. Please.
And thank you Dady's girl.
And Fearless. If I did that, the kid would surely never talk to me again. lol.
Yep, I caught that.
Apparently, I still have the mentality of a 17 1/2 year old girl. Now, if I could only get the body back!
~ Anne ~
Ladies and gentlemen, take my advice: Pull down your pants and slide on the ice! -M*A*S*H (Sidney Freedman to the OR staff on dealing with stress)
I know.
LOL. but could you picture that. Oh, hi honey, take this drug test. Her head would spin like Linda Blair's and then she would puke pee soup at me. lol
Gross-
But she may do that anyways after a long night of partying. I sure did it to my mom! Then tried to convince her, as I sat in a pile of my own vomit, that I had the flu! Ha- kids are so stupid, including all of us when we were that age.
Good for you
You are doing the right thing. I'm no saint, but I am 36 and this girl is 17. She will have the ability to make her own decisions soon enough, and it's what you do now that will set the stage for how she thinks about things when it's her turn. At least you can give her the tools she needs to be able to make good decisions.
I wish to god my own mother had paid attention and laid down the law when I was a teenager. I would have hated it, but I would thank her dearly now. It would have changed my life. You are doing the right thing.
Oh my God, she was fine
I can't believe it. My kid came home from school as if nothing happened.
She didn't say boo about last night or the party. She came home had a snack, we talked about school and now she is working out.
I'm in shock. Can this be the end of it?
Maybe
Just maybe she is mature enough to realize that all of this is done out of your LOVE for HER. She may just be that smart! But, don't let your guard down- those teenagers can be tricky little shits. Check her bed after dark, make sure it is HER in it and not some rolled up towels with a wig on
She's being a good girl
My daughter pulls this crap, nice for the lead up days so you let your guard down. If she still wants to go to the party or tells you she's going somewhere else on Saturday night, I would get dressed and tell her your coming to.
Be right in their face she is still underage.
Good Luck
Oh I hear ya..
Janice loud and clear. I know. I've told her of the dangers, over and over. But I am not out there with her. I can only pray to God that if she is at a college party, she will hear my voice saying, Don't ever leave your drink alone!
Trust me, I hate this part of parenting. It's sucks big time. But it's real, it's out there, and as parents we have to deal with it.
2 years ago, my friend's 20 year old daughter was leaving on a Sunday morning with her boyfriend. My friend told that dirt bag boyfriend, Don't drive like an asshole.
He was doing 85 on a road marked 45. There were 9 kids jammed in that SUV when it went airborne and took out a telephone pole. Candice was the only fatality. My friends are ruined for life because of this. The driver tested positive for weed. At the expense of Candy, my Daughter saw first hand what can happen.
Please tell me, what more can we do as parents.
hi
You all know my opinion on this one- so i will not go into a rant- lol. But i will say I'm sure BM never wanted to be a drug addict and a shitty mom, a shitty person, or a convicted felon- but thats what she is and she can thank her dear friend drugs for her life today. So I hope your daughter understands your decision - if she doesn't today she will when she has children of her own.
My youngest
(20) was recently cited for underage drinking. Thus far it's cost me close to $500 I don't have (he is in college full time and doesn't make enough at his job to pay attention), and it has almost cost him his license for 90 days.
He'd had 1/2 of one beer. It was a house party, a neighbor called the cops and here we are.
J lucked out because the cop stuck up for him (J had been very honest, polite and helped the officers process the scene) and has to do classes and evaluation at the drug and alcohol treatment center and must do 20 hours of community service, but he will not lose his license for 90 days which is the normal sentence for underage drinking in PA. Jailtime is also a possibility although it is rare that it is meted out for this offense. Looks like the classes and community service will be it. And my $500 that I couldn't afford to lose.
Just ask J if that 1/2 beer was worth all this. He'll tell you, "not no, but hell no". I'm still thanking God it wasn't pot.
And
around here if someone's hosting a party where there's underage drinking (and I can't imagine what's done if there's drugs involved) they're in for a world of hurt if they get caught. I've heard of people losing their homes for that. Personally, I'd be pretty ticked if another adult took it upon themselves to provide alcohol for my kid.