SS postponing school
Well, SS won't be going to school anytime soon. I had to fill out all the grant/loan paperwork for him because the wife said neither one of them understood it. I said no problem, but this is something that he should be doing, it's his responsibility. But in the interest of getting this ball rolling I said I would do it, nothing that complicated really, but anyway I did it.
In the end it came down to him not getting enough money through grants and student loans so he needed a signature loan to make up the difference. He has no credit history so he needs a cosigner. I was rejected, bad credit due to the 4 wheeler that he begged me to sign for, promised he would make the payments on and ultimately got repossesed because he got tired of working and quit his job and I refused to make the payments, ( not that I could have if I wanted to). Anyway, thats another story of my stupidity.
So I told my wife and him, the only way you are going to school is if you have someone else that will cosign this loan for you. They called the grandparents and were told the same thing from both of them, "Not until he can prove to us that he can grow up and finish something he starts". They are all still really upset with him for quitting the Marines.
So that left his BF, who doesn't have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of, when they said they were going to ask him to cosign I was thinking "Good luck with that". But then SS decides that he isn't going to ask his dad for anything, that he wants to save his money so that he can pay for school himself or at least estabish some credit so that he doesn't need a cosigner.
I tried to illustrate how long it would take him to do this, did the math, but I think he is in denial about it.
Anyway, looks like we are back to square one, he is working at Walmart, hopefully he keeps working but history has shown that he will quit when he gets bored with it or just sick of being responsible. So I am frustrated again, got a 19 year old living in my house and it doesn't look like he will be starting his own life anytime soon.
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I wish I had better advice for you
Your situation is a difficult one. There are many, many children living in what appears to be an adult body. It makes you wonder why God didn't fit them with a proverbial "grow the f up" button.
So what do you do with an irresponsible teenager that's sucking the life out of your household? Some thoughts:
1. If he's 19, and manages to hold onto a steady job, you could charge him rent (something reasonable) every week. Take that money and put in into an account for him. That makes you a financial baby-sitter, but at least he'll eventually have enough money for school, or at least to move out of your house.
2. If and when he refuses to work, there needs to be consequences. This is something that you and your wife will need to discuss and agree on, but adults that live at home should either contribute to the household via a job, or get an education so he doesn't end up working at wal-mart forever (although if he were a good worker, he could work his way up the corporate ladder, maybe management...something with a salary...that's fair enough).
The bottom line is that there is nothing worse than having to live with a grown man that can't do anything for himself, and frankly, you shouldn't have to. Beings that this isn't your biological kid, I would imagine that it would be easier for you to say get out than his mom, but it'll ultimatly teach him to be self-sufficient. There is nothing gained for him by living off of you guys. Better that he does now before he becomes one of those creepy 40 yr. olds that still live off of mom and dad, that all the kids in the neighborhood's parents think of when they tell thier children not to talk to strangers!
Good luck, sir.
tuition reimbursement?
He should find a job with tuition reimbursement, there are alot out there. Big insurance co, hospitals, etc. Also, he will have to wait until he is about 23 years old in order to not require parents on unsubsidized and subsidized student loans. I am 36 and I paid for all of my own school through student loans only. I owed at one time approx $60,000 no its down to 39,000 - but it was all worth it. He won't have to spend this much - I went to a private school, if I was smarter at that age, I would have just went to the state university.
I just read your bio...
I feel for you, you have to please wife and ex-wife. That has got to be so tough! Hope you don't have any daughters, sons are probably easier.