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Awkward Moment

New Stepmom's picture

Submitted by New Stepmom on Wed, 02/14/2007 - 12:52pm

I don't know about you guys, but I never just "bump into" the ex wife. I see her at planned events - soccer, dance, school functions - so I have a minute to prepare, you know? But I hardly ever just see her out in public. Well, DH had the girls last night and one of them had dance practice. He asked me to meet him and the other SD for dinner. So we met in the parking lot and as we walked in, guess who was sitting right there?? Yep, BM and her husband. Arghh!!! Those of you who are familiar with my situation, BM wants nothing to do with me, has all but told me she hates my guts, will not communicate with me regarding the children, nothing. And just last week, I posted about how she called my DH to tell him "I had been talking about her and one of my friends told one of her co-workers and it got back to her"...blah, blah, blah. Listening to your advice, I didn't respond to that and just let it go. So seeing her last night just infuriated me. I guess because I wasn't quite over that situation from last week. Well SD runs over to her table to say hey and give her a hug while we go get in line and order our food. Then SD comes back to us and we go sit at the other end of the restaurant. Sure enough, when they get up to leave, they come to our table!!! Geez, talk about losing my appetite! :sick: She wanted to talk to DH about switching a night this weekend. I sat there, preparing my food and eating and looking at the TV that was in the corner, acting like they weren't even standing there. DH looked over at me and was like "is that okay with you?". I had totally tuned them out, so I was like "what?" and he told me what they wanted to do about switching. I told him that was fine with me (I was glad he asked me though - I'm sure that pissed her off).

When I got home, I was so mad at myself. I feel like I should have acknowledged her and smiled or whatever, but I just can't do it. I mean, I am not jealous of her in any way shape or form, I just will not allow people to treat me like crap and then turn around and kiss their butts. It just will not happen. And I'm not a fake person, so I just don't think I have it in me to be fake nice to her! What do I do??

Comments

Little Jo's picture

Submitted by Little Jo on Wed, 02/14/2007 - 1:06pm

I give you credit. I don't know what it will be like if and when we hit that point.

You are keeping your cool which is good. And NO WAY should you be fake nice. I'm the same way.

Maybe, "cordial" is what you should strive for. You know in your heart she is nuts, don't let her bait you. You are the bigger fish!!

Jo

loonybonusmom's picture

Submitted by loonybonusmom (not verified) on Wed, 02/14/2007 - 1:18pm

I have made it clear to both x's and my dh inlaws, when I am disrespected and my family is affected by these idiot's actions I will not play nice. I have had ups and downs with both x's, and as I like to say things go alot easier when bm is riding the happy plane. I am dealing with x#2 being difficult right now with the help of dh's family. I think your response was perfect...why give her the time of day when you know she is only trying to get a response from you. Good for your dh to involve you though even if you weren't "paying attention"

slchance's picture

Submitted by slchance on Wed, 02/14/2007 - 1:28pm

I have a hard time with fake nice, too, but it seems to come so easily for her. It's so great that your husband checked with you about the switch. My husband would have told her, 'yeah, sure, whatever,' just to get her to shut up and go away, and then I would have had to deal with the scheduling later, IF he told me about it, if she had called on the cell phone to arrange it, that is. Not that he does not think about how it would affect me, but that he does not think about how it would affect anyone at all; he just wants to deal with her as little as possible. That's what caused him to get screwed so badly when they divorced.

New Stepmom's picture

Submitted by New Stepmom on Wed, 02/14/2007 - 1:45pm

Your comments and opinions make me feel better about how I acted...or didn't act...or whatever! It's sort of a catch 22...if I'm fake nice to her, then she'll think I'm just kissing her ass and she has succeeded...If I flat out ignore her, then she'll just use that as ammunition in the next bit of drama she tries to stir up. You can't ever make bitches like that happy!

DH doesn't say anything to me at all about how I act - he can't stand her either and wishes he didn't have to deal with her at all. He constantly says "why don't you call her back?", and of course, that's laughable since she TOLD me up front she would only deal with DH in regards to THEIR children.

tyra's picture

Submitted by tyra on Wed, 02/14/2007 - 1:54pm

I am waiting for that day to come. YUCK!!! I think I would handle it the same way you did.

For over three years I tolerated her and was actualy nice to her and then I exploded on her. I hate faking nice as well. She did say I was a great actress though...she never got the fact that I was doing it for my DH and her daugther...she thinks the world revolves around her. So you are damned if you do and damned if you don't so I say you do whatever you are comfortable with.

Sounds like hubby supports you so don't beat yourself up over it...she probably doesn't deserve an acknowledgement from you.

Enjoy the day

skye22's picture

Submitted by skye22 on Wed, 02/14/2007 - 2:07pm

I am so glad your hubby made the effort to involve you in the conversation. Basically letting her know that you work together as a team! I would praise your husband if I were you Smile I also don't think you need to be extra nice or rude to the woman. Just civil and nonchalant works best in situations like this. I think you handled it just fine.