Money, Money, Money....
Long story short - DH pays ~$700/month in CS. CS agreement states BM is to pay first $250 of medical bills for SD, the rest is split 50/50. BM claims that she can't afford to pay for SD new glasses, which BTW, she has know were needed for 5 months. She says she has too many bills. She assumed that DH would pay for 1/2... and asked if they could ignore the agreement this time... They are $160 total. DH did not have any $$ the day SD picked out her glasses, and he told BM just that.. She demanded to know if he was going to pay or not.. he said "I don't know". After a very long heated argument, BM threatened to take DH back for more CS if he didn't pay.. *whatever...* DH is torn. Legally he doesn't have to pay a thing until that $250 deductible is met.. But he knows that SD really needs the glasses and he is afraid BM will let them sit at the DR's office if he doesn't pay 1/2. BM has a good job. That income on top of her CS , she should have no problem paying for glasses.. God knows what she is spending the $$ on, (fake nails, new SUV, trips to Florida) This is BS!! The same day all this went on, DH signed SD up for softball,($35) because BM had forgotten and didn't have time. I already gave DH my opinion.. I'm curious to hear what you ladies have to say.. DH told me he still hasn't decided what to do...
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The Root of All Fights
I would fork over half, and I most certainly would include whether by mail (make a copy) or email a note indicating that you (DH) are not ignoring the court order, but rather you will not let your SD go with out eye glasess due to what appears to be BM's money management issues and when she can (yeah right) she can pay back the loan.
I suggested that..
DH take 1/2 of the 160, which is 80 and subract out part of the soft ball fee of $35, that she should be paying for as well... Tell her that he went over his budget and all he can afford to give towards her glasses is $50. Take it or leave it.. We would be more then happy to pay for 1/2 if she would pay us back when she gets her income tax return, but that will NEVER happen... She gets to claim SD every year, yet she tells DH all the time that he is selfish when he doesn't give into whatever she wants... My #2 idea was to tell her that DH doesn't have any extra $$ right now, but SM (ME) would be willing to pay for part of SD's glasses so the child won't go with out... Grrr
It seems pretty unfair...
I know my dh would just pay it b/c he wouldn't want his kid to have to go w/o, but if dad doesn't have the money, what is he suppose to do? Buy the glasses with his good looks? Come on!
As far as the tax return, why is your dh not getting his child exemption every other year? Is it not worth the fight? It's pretty customary to split the tax exemption...that would be something I would strive to change. From my experience, unless non-cust. parental is behind in cs, judge's will always split up the tax exemption.
If we were in that situation....we would just have to pay it, and let bm be totally selfish. I really don't like being taken for granted like that, but I know my dh wouldn't fight that battle...he would just let bm win on that one.
If you really don't have the money, just stick to what the divorce decree says, and don't let her guilt you. Good luck with this
Candice
Tax exemption?
DH and BM were never married. There is nothing in the paperwork about taxes. One of the reasons it would be hard to have it every other year is because of the medical benefits. They both work for the same company, and one way to prove a child is a dependant for medical coverage is by claiming them on your taxes.. BM has always claimed SD, and she carries the medical coverage on her as well. DH didn't agree with the tax part, but he didn't know what else to do. We are going to see a new Tax Accountant this year... Is there a way DH can itemize and include the CS he pays each month ? Seems like he should get some kind of credit for paying out all that cash to support his daughter. Does BM have to claim that $$ as income?
RE:tax exemption.
I have custody of all my children and I have always claimed my two older ones on my taxes. I have never had to report any of that money on my taxes as additional income. Maybe different states are different, but I've never had any issues about it with the Biodads about it. I take care of them 100% of the time.
Makes sense
considering the money is taxed before it is sent to BM...
RE: Tax Exemption
just so you know, my dh and his ex were never married either. When we finally got a parenting plan over ss, it has provisions in there for tax exemption as well. It's customary in my state that tax exemptions are split eoy. Also, my dh is self employed, and bm is too cheap to pay for health insurance (even though parenting plan stipulates she pays for health insurance), I cover ss on my health insurance. In my experience, you do not have to have the child on your medical insurance in order to be able to claim the tax exemption. The irs doesn't require it, and the child does not have to live with you in order to be eligible for medical insurance. BM receives the tax exemption for odd years, my dh receives even, regardless of the fact we cover him on insurance.
Also, only alimony is tax deductible, not cs payments. Custodial parents do not have to list cs as income, but they do alimony.
Depending on how old your sd is, it may be worth the fight.
THAT WOULD FRY HER COOKIES
Your method isn't a bad idea. But HOW much are you willing to pay to make HER miserable??? Believe me if she knew that you paid for them ooh ooh ooh. I am currently helping out with two sets of braces for the skids.. why??? I am fortunate that I have good dental that covers braces and DH and BM do not. So not only does this help our budget, but BM's as well. She was sooooo upset about this (u know SHE should NOT involve herself in OUR kids) that she almost wanted to pay cash for it!!! LOL. The funny part is that is costs me no more to cover her kids than it does to cover my own.... It's a terrority 'thang' you know. Now I have a say in their dental care habits because "I" am paying for it. No more gum, laffy-taffy, or popcorn... whooo hooo!! Such control I love it!!! AND she says nothing--because??? Half of $7000 is $3500!!! I am a snit!!
I'm not looking forward to this same fight.
The court ordered cs is to be 247 a week. He has been giving her 350 a week. ( That was the only way she would sign the divorce papers.)
Althought this tax season we get to re-adjust and BF is only going to give her what she is due. ( She is going to go F'en nuts when she realizes this ) Anyway, the medical stuff is to be 50/50. 2 of the 4 girls recently said they are having problems seeing the blackboard. We know whats going to happen.
Everything you just described!!!!!!!!!!.
And I know we will give in a pay for it, because the girls need them. They shouldn't be made to suffer because their BM is money hungry.
I plan to suggest to my BF, that he takes her amount out of cs. ya, know a small percentage for a few weeks. BF makes her write out receipts for everything he gives her. It's a very smart idea to put any agreement in writting to CYA if it comes to going back to court.
Best wishes!
that is really crapy...
my dh would always cough up the money to cover his children's costs. Our bm is really cheap when is comes to responsible buying for her kids...they have all the game consoles in the world, but she won't buy medical insurance and do preventative medicine and it catches up in the long run. That is why I just cover my ss on my medical...I figure it is cheaper for us to do that, than run the risk of him being uninsured, and then bm flaking out on her financial end.
I can't believe you spent that kind of money on braces, and no one said..."how much do I owe?"...we spent a lot of money in therapy for ss, when it was bm who was the biggest contributor to his piss poor raising, and she always said she was going to pay...but she never did. I didn't even bother sending a bill, I knew it would be a waste of time, so I kept all receipts and claimed it on our taxes.
that really sucks!
Well, at least your finances are such that you aren't losing sleep over it, and that is great. I totally hear you though, the battle is just not worth the fight...and honestly I don't blame you! We have been in situations, and we do the same, we just don't start the fight, move on, buy/pay for it, and be done with it. Fortunately, we haven't had something that expensive...
I'm not really sure about your out-of-pocket med expenses though...maybe you and I are in different tax brackets, but for us, we make really good money, and we just list all of our receipts, and the accountant used them as deductions. I was shocked that $10k wasn't enough to claim on your taxes!
You got stuck at two ends, cheap non-cus. parents, and the irs! I'm sorry! But being a good parent is worth it's weight in gold!
Actually in Canada, the higher the income...
the higher the amount that you have to have for these expenses. It is a proportion of your income.
Taxes just kill us!
I really wish for all of us that when we have a legit medical expense, you just got what you shelled out off your taxable income! If you suffered through $10k of braces, you should have $10k taken off your taxes regardless of what you make! That is just terrible...
It's punish the responsible people...
You are getting
punished at both ends...but you ARE making the right decisions. You can lay your head down at night and sleep..and the bio's that are too cheap to provide...well let's just say they must suffer from insomnia.
Thanks for sharing your story, knowing what you guys are going through makes me feel horrible for even complaining (my situations are more minor than others, but they use to be what most people complain about here). The next time I feel like I have it bad, I'm going to remember the strength you demonstrated in that particular situation, and know I just need to be strong through the next dilemma. Sometimes I let the little things (like cheapness) really bother me.
I hope your girls appreciate what sacrifices you have made for them!
Bests,
Candice