My hubby and I had an argument this weekend and while we have talked it through and made up, I wanted to share what happened.

I pretty much have sole responsiblity for all the household chores - which I do not mind. I am a clean freak and very picky about how things are done, so therefore I like to do them myself. If I need DH to help do something, all I have to do is ask and he will do it. As far as the SD's, they each have their own bedroom plus a bonus room upstairs. For the first couple of months of me living there after we married, I would clean up beind the girls - I have learned they are like little pigs! They would play in each of their rooms, make major messes, then go upstairs and destroy the bonus room. On Monday mornings after they would leave for school, I would investigate. Their beds would be left unmade, clothes would be all over the floor...you get the picture. The children are 10 & 7 and I do not see any reason why they should not clean up behind themselves. Yes, I will dust and vacuum for them, but I refuse to make their beds and pick up their clothes. My mom did not raise me to be that way. Not to mention BM is not a very clean person - it is obviously not something that they are made to do when they are at BM's house. DH told me once that BM used to go about 6 weeks without vacuuming!!! :jawdrop: So, me and DH talked about coming up with a chores list. I finally did it and gave it to them - it was nothing too hard. Just to make their beds each morning, make sure all clothes and toys and whatever else was on the floor was picked up and to clean up the bonus room on their last day before going back to BM's, and to clean up their place at the table after eating. That was another thing, every time they ate, when they were finished, they jumped up and off they ran to their rooms to play some more...leaving their plate and glass and everything sitting right there. The chores list has worked out okay - they still have to be reminded of what to do, but at least it's being enforced, right?

The next thing is how they dress. They are little girls, not frilly, prissy little girls, more like tomboys. That's fine. But when they get dressed and we are preparing to go eat dinner, go visit family, go to school, whatever - it's like they have no concept of where they are going or that it is January for God's sake! Saturday night, we were about to leave to go eat dinner, they come in the kitchen. One has on capri pants and flip flops, the other has on dress up shoes that she plays in! I told each of them to go back to their rooms and put the appropriate clothes on. DH is clueless when it comes to this type of thing.

For the most part, in the 2 1/2 years that I have been in their lives, I think I have been a very good influence on them. In the beginning, they had their daddy wrapped and he was such a pushover. They threw temper tantrums when they couldn't get their way, they never said thank you for anything - it was like everything was expected, they had no manners - never said please, yes sir, yes mam, nothing. I especially did not appreciate this kind of behavior when around my parents - because my parents were so strict about this type of thing when I was growing up-not to mention that this is very disrespectful towards any adults that may interact with them. So, little by little, I starting teaching them manners and teaching them to appreciate the things that people do for them - whether preparing them dinner or whatever. They have really changed so much for the better and DH has done well enforcing this also. I can honestly say that these girls respect me, and that means a lot to me. On the same note, I feel like I have a good relationship with these girls. They like to hang out with me and I try to spend a lot of time with them. Like just going in their room for a little while and playing Playstation with them, or coloring with them, or letting them watch me while I work on my wedding scrapbook. I feel like I have affected their lives in a positive way. So that leads me to the argument...Saturday night, we were all joking about something and DH jokingly said something about me being "bossy". But I could tell he wasn't just joking. When we were alone, he went on to say that it seems like I am always on the girls about something and I treat them like soldiers and that they were "scared of me". :puzzled: Huh? I was floored! This is the same man that told me just a week ago that the way I was with his children meant so much to him and was talking about how much they loved me. My DH farms for a living, so between September-December, he is extremely busy harvesting crops. During those months, I took care of his girls every time we had them. He was working seven days a week until at least 9 or 10 o'clock most nights. I was the one at home taking care of his children - how could he say this to me??? After all of I have done for them??? Not to mention he has hardly been around the past few months to see my daily interaction with the children. I reminded him of our weekend, and the last weekend we had them, which was Christmas. I reminded him of all the things we did with the kids and at what point did I boss them around or do something he didn't like??? He was speechless, obviously because he couldn't think of anything to back up what he had accused me of. We finally talked a little more last night and in the middle of our discussion/argument, the youngest came in the room and hugged me and told me goodnight :smile:, which melted my heart after DH had made me feel so bad - like they hated me. I did sort of find out what triggered the comment. We have a dog, a labrador retriever. She is still young and rambunctious. Well we had her in Friday night and I was trying to work on a trick with her - all the while, the youngest SD is beside her yelling her name and clapping trying to distract her. Anyone trying to train a dog knows that this can't happen - of course the dog wasn't at all concentrating on me. So I said sharply "C, stop it!". That's it. This apparently hit DH the wrong way and this is what stemmed the whole disagreement and instead of him seeing all the good I have done for the girls, he only sees this one instance and bases his opinions off of that - just like a man!

So, do you guys think I am wrong here? Do I try to do too much in my role as SM???

PS - LOVING the smilies!!!

Any opinions?