I may have figured out what BM was up to...
I think I may have figured out why BM is being so cordial lately. Apparently she has gone behind-the-scenes to re-route the child support payments through the state board of child support enforcement instead of through the courthouse like it was. In turn, they have called in all of the back child support that is owed all at once instead of tacking a small portion of it onto the regular monthly payment like had been previously agreed upon. We got a bill in the mail for upwards of $3k which has us reeling. I thought it was kind of shady for her to demand back child support in the first place, when they had been separated for over five years at the time of their divorce and she was getting along just fine without the money then...but instead of demanding it from the time that they separated, she demanded it from "the time that he told her he was never coming back". O..k..but anyway. What a wonderful Christmas present. I haven't let on like I know anything to her, nor will I, and I don't think BF has talked to her about it or even plans to. Personally I'd be happy if we could just write a check for the full amount and not have to fool with it, but unfortunately we just can't do that. What are we supposed to do? I hardly think it right for us to continue paying the full amount plus the monthly paydown when they're billing us for everything past due all at once...but we can't afford to make TWO payments every month especially considering that the CS amount is already THREE times what BF is technically obligated to give considering his income. I guess we'll just continue to make our regular monthly payments with the additional going toward this ridiculous bill and not worry about it. According to the letter they sent, it's not really a problem until the amount gets over $5k.
I'm still going to be civil, cooperative, and encourage constructive conversation between myself and BM...but inside I'm just boiling that she did this. She already HAD her monthly paycheck...what made her feel she needed to run this through the state? Just to rub in our faces how much money we "owe" her? To make it "official"? Grrrr....
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WOW!
Yes, to the last three questions!
Greedy pig...she'll get hers...gluttons always do.
I totally feel your pain...we had a similar situation (her demanding 1 year and a half 'arrears' after support was increased [instead of effective the day of increase])situation except, the amount was $10,000!
I feel your pain.
You could get legal assistance and fight it...it could work, depending on the state, etc. if you are already paying some extra on the arrears, I don't think they can 'demand' it all at once. I mean maybe they can try, but if you don't have it, you don't have it.
I know the laws really differ from state to state, but start with the case worker at the child support office and go from there.
If you can't afford an attorney, Legal Aid can help; at least get you pointed in the right direction.
I am so sorry, it really sucks that some people are capable of such 'evil' so close to the holidays!
Aloha, MJ
That leopard will never
That leopard will never change her spots..... Don't ever loose sight of that.
Chrismas in the air.. has X's stirring the pot for the holidays....
Mine started legal sqabbling again yesterday..he won't agree to a basic provision of insurance coverage for CS in case of death. If he forces this into court..any judge around here will order it. IT's standard!!!!!
Your hubby's x is at it again..
Monica hubby's x is trying (unsuccessfully) to stir it up..for them.
Happy Holidays Ladies..!!
Don't let them get to you...it's just thier way of inserting themselves into YOUR Christmas...
Same thing happened to us
We got a bill in the mail for $3500 of CS arrears, even though the back pay is supposed to be spread out to $50 extra every month until it's paid off. It's the only way we can handle it - we don't have that kind of money lying around - if we did, we'd use it to hire a lawyer to finalize this damn divorce and work out a more equitable custody arrangement! Anyway, in the letter it states that my fiance will not be able to renew his passport or drivers license until this debt is cleared, as if he's some kind of criminal! It is not his fault that it took 2 years for her to get it together to file for CS and it was retroactive from the date of their separation. It's not like he was refusing to pay like some deadbeat dad. We were near tears thinking this woman was just trying to bankrupt us and ruin our lives.
My fiance called to see if he could clear things up and we have the impression that (for once) the ex didn't actually do anything to cause this. It's a debt like any other and even though he is fully following the law in repaying it over time, the debt collector (or the state board of child support enforcement) still wants to assert itself and try to scare the money out of him. Maybe this is what's happening to you too. Hard to tell when you're dealing with a money-hungry ex who chooses not to work and just live off what she gets in alimony and CS.
Isn't it unfair that fathers are treated like criminals if they can't keep up with this overly oppressive financial burden, yet mothers who keep their kids away from their fathers don't get any heat for it whatsoever?
RE:
Unfortunately I'm pretty sure that's not what happened. BM likes to brag about things she's done to hurt us, and we've heard from more than one source (including herself) that she was planning on sending the CS through the state to try to further screw my BF. The way she sees it, she's punishing him for leaving her. The way everyone else sees it is that she's a gold digger and she's exploiting her son for money. But at any rate, all we can do is grin and bear it, and try to make the best of the situation however the chips fall. I swear if I had $10,000 I'd be tempted to give it all to BM just to get her off our backs for a couple years...
*~So sayeth Nymh~*
RE:
We *could*, but that would give us an additional monthly payment that we honestly can't handle right now. Maybe in a few months when our expenses are lower we might be able to, but as of right now a loan isn't an option.
*~So sayeth Nymh~*
Oh no
It is horrible that people like that can't just put things aside for the holidays. If anyone needs a lottery win it's people in these kinds of situations! Then the greedy BM's could just get paid off and (hopefully) back down for awhile. I know this story all too well....when BM first filed she asked for retroactive since his birth. She waited two years to file against my husband and then she tries to hold him accountable since
SS's birth? Fortunately, at least DRS denied her in that respect, but they still let it go back to date of filing, even though paternity wasn't established until 5 months later. BM is just blinded by greed and self-righteousness. Try not to let it ruin your holiday, though you have every right to feel boiling inside. You have us! Many kudos for saying you will continue to be civil....it takes nerves of steel, remember you are stronger than you think
RE:
Thanks so much, that really means a lot to me.
*~So sayeth Nymh~*
BEEN THERE
Had her attny draft all the money out of our account 2 days before Christmas one year.....same day she had the conversation with me about what me and her ex (my bf) could get the kids for Christmas...then acted like she had nothing to do with it and didn't even know about it. We had a just written checks for groceries and presents .... thank goodness the bank gave us an over-draft loan to cover it all......