PLEASE SOMEONE I NEED SOME ADVICE
OK to begin with I met my now husband 10 years ago. He had a daughter with a previous girlfriend, for many years the mother kept the girl from him because he left her. Nonetheless when we moved in together, we went for visitations. Over the next several years things begun to get better. After 6 years she finally met someone else. Things started to change, the boyfriend was controlling thus she was not able to maintain a reasonable relationship with either of us. We tried to get shared custody of the girl and the judge did not see it our way. Recently, we found out that she lied for years to Domestic Relations saying she paid her mother 250 a month for daycare that never exsisted. I wrote her a letter along with follow up emails and I now received a letter from her attorney saying I should have no contact with her whatsoever. How should I handle this?
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Also, make sure that any
Also, make sure that any communication is done by him, not you. You can do all the letter-writing and emailing the two of you feel is necessary, but just make sure he signs the letters and the emails are from HIM. You can do the legwork, if you want, but your husband needs to be the face of any communication with her.
~ Anne ~
your response
He would just as soon say don't even bother. He does not even seem to care what she has done nor does he desire to say or do anything about it because he says its pointless. Everytime he tries to challenge her he loses. (He is not that great with communication with her). So I guess your right he probably should be the one who communicates with her however he won't.
Your husband sound exactly
Your husband sound exactly like mine. And I sound exactly like you a few years back. I hated to see this girl walk all over my hubby, so I felt like I needed to step in and fight for him since he wouldn't stand up for his rights. It only made things worse. No matter how wrong she was, and how right we were, it never mattered in the end. It just caused a lot if unneeded stress and resentment. In our situation the girl wasn't even working yet claiming $500.00 per month for childcare expenses. I just had to come to the point where I let the situation with her go so that I could be happy, let me rephrase that so that we could be happy. Her goal in life was to 'get him back' for not wanting to be with her. She got pregnant on the same night they met and expected him to marry her and live happily ever after. When that didn't happen and my hubby only wanted to be a part of the childs life not hers her mission became clear. And fighting someone who wants to fight makes no sense.... I also got a letter for her attorney demanding that I have no contact with her about anything. And at that point I realised my sanity was worth more. My advise is let him deal with her. And if he doesn't want to, thats okay too. One of the hardest lessons in my life has been learning when to let go. Good luck!!
geez, that sounds like we
geez, that sounds like we married the same man. Interesting enough, over the past 10 years no matter what the circumstances were, she never had a letter sent to me from her attorney. Now I am wondering if I am in more trouble since I emailed her letting her know I knew she contacted her attorney. I wasn't ugly in the email, just telling her that unless I hear from her otherwise, I will no longer have contact with her or the daughter and that I would expect the same in return. Now I am thinking oh geez, what was I thinking? I shouldn't have emailed her and I also shouldn't have told her not to make contact with us, I know I shouldn't have done it but she drives me crazy. I feel like she controls my life by doing absouletly nothing. She has this way about her that I can not understand. For so many years she used the girl as a way of getting to him and it works. The longer I am with him, the more it makes me angry. When her and I got along, everything was great. But now we totally despise each other and somehow every time I see the little girl, I do not feel as close to her as I once did because she is a clone of her mother. I know this all sounds bizzare but I just can't stop thinking about it. My husband just doesn't talk to her and somehow when he does have to, she thinks oh wow- why is he being nice to me- they must not be getting along. I know it probably sounds childish but this is how it is.