It looks like you wrote a book of my life with my ss. I met him when he was 4, and he use to go home talking about me so much, he ended up calling his mom Candice often. I'm sure that made her feel good.

Anyhow, the fighting for us happened when he turned 6, we announced our plans to get married, and bm just freaked out. We didn't have legal visiations, so when she planned to move to the other side of the state, we decided to establish a parenting plan. That sent bm into a rage of volcanic anger that lasted for years. That is when she began to vocalize her hate for me, and she always discussed what a horrible person I was to her 6 year old.

My advice to you based on my experience is to just really be yourself. Your ss likes you b/c you are a nice, fun person to be around. Don't exhaust yourself by trying too hard, or worry you aren't doing things so perfectly. Seriously, kids really like everyone that is nice to them, and they respect geniune people that command respect. You are causing yourself unnecessary anxiety by being so worried about walking on eggshells around this little boy you love. He is going to love you by just being yourself, and that is the best feeling in life.

You don't have kids (those were the same shoes I wore when I met my ss), so you feel a little less qualified to "parent" this little boy. I will aruge those feelings, b/c I don't think you have to be a parent to know to do the right things, or provide for a step-child. Part of the reason bm hated me so much is b/c I wasn't a parent and I did more to parent her son than she ever considered as a mother (for instance...I read to her son for a bed time ritual, where she never opened a book for him..she let him as a 4 year old stay up to 2 a.m. just so she didn't have to work to put him to bed).

In my experience, the ex has really contaminated my relationship with my ss for her own selfish reasons. He is now 12, and really talks a lot of trash about me. This really has hurt me personally b/c I have done a lot of good/fun things for him that he refuses to acknowledge. I did talk to a therapists about his hate for me, and one reason I was given was that my ss is angry with me for the fact that by just being normal I show him his mothers' deficiencies, and it really pisses him off. The explanation that I got for him talking trash about me was, my ss knows people want to hear bad things about me, so he fabricates drama about me just to get attention, it is like he is scoring bonus points with his bm bm's family and my in-laws, and they actually reward him with toys, things, events when he talks trash about me.

This has been really hurtful to me, and I personally have really sturggled with this, but as the "adult" in this situation I chalk it up to the bm/bm's family/my in-laws being so dysfunctional that they are using a 12 year old to hurt others for their own dysfunctional gain. One day, maybe just one day the light bulb will go off in his head, and he might actually read the handwriting on the wall, and he might even come around to liking me again.

My point about sharing this with you, is just be yourself b/c the both of you will really benefit from you not being so worried, and enjoy every precious moment you have with him while he likes you. I'm in the position where my ss is very resentful/bitter towards me, and it isn't fun when he comes here and thinks he can disrespect me in my home. Not saying that is going to be the case with yours, but enjoy every fun moment you can, b/c there may be sometimes where he isn't going to give you fun moments. Just relax and enjoy the moment!

Their worse fear is not that we will mistreat their children. It is that their children will love us back.

They already lost DH to us and there's no way they will stand by and "lose" their children to us.

Sick and twisted but that's the way it is.

I would like to encourage you to do the opposite, and not worry about the ex. I know that is much easier said than done, but for every second that you spend of your own time worrying about the idea she will never move on, you are robbing yourself of the opportunity to really enjoy your life. I really believe that worrying about her is really counter productive energy.

I know you need to do some thinking about the ex b/c you need to brace yourself by anticipating her next move (that is the roller coaster ride), but the less you respond to her, the less progress she makes in chasing you off, which is ultimately her goal.

She thinks if you weren't there, she would have her ex back. It isn't true, however, that is what she thinks. It is going to take time for her to come to the conclusion that she isn't ever going to get him back. Until then, you must be vigilent in ignoring her every move as if she doesn't exist (this is very challenging).

I strongly encourage you to not worry about someone else's unproductive life. Take your own energy and put it into making progress for yourself, like thinking about doing something for yourself, planning a vacation, being the best employee, enjoying a hobby, whatever, but do not waste your precious time "worrying" over something you cannot fix!