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Just a poll - do adult steps group text with mom AND dad still?

soccermom830's picture

just wondering if this is normal? my bf's daughters still do this - not that it's a huge deal cause my bf has his ex wife blocked on his phone - but he hardly ever talks about them so it's like an exclusion of me in his life and with his ex wife and him letting them think in a strange way they are still a family that shares everything daily. I just think it's weird because I do not do this with my adult son and his father. he is remarried and my son doesn't think it's necessary to share with his dad and me together still as a family unit - never has for that matter. I guess it's easier for them but should he be sending the message that they are still a family to his daughters or should he have cut that cord long ago, especially if he feels the need to block ex? I just don't feel like they respect that we are in a relationship.

just wondering if other families do this with both parents as adults if one is in a serious relationship?

Rags's picture

My bride, SS-25 and I group text frequently. He has no contact with the SpermIdiot and rarely has contact with anyone else in the SpermClan.

Does that count? Wink

ESMOD's picture

group texts.. nope. My DH's daughters will occasionally send a group text to me and her dad... but mom gets her pics on a different one than us...lol.

My DH gets group texts from his manager.

Personally we both hate them because it's too easy to send stuff to people that shouldn't get the information... like if he were to send something about a personell issue, he might not want to share that with all the other captains at the plant.

Haven't made a mistake yet.. but he has caught himself.

twopines's picture

I don't know if it's normal. My skids don't group text DH and BM, but I wouldn't care if they did.

Tiger7's picture

My 3 bio kids group text me and their dad but he and I get along well. Plus, the group text will often include others, like their SM and my SO. If everyone is cool with each other then its fine

Aniki-Moderator's picture

My Dad sends group texts to my siblings, me, his last living sister, and a cousin with whom he's very close. In turn, this "group" shares family news, as opposed to sending it individually.

BTW, my Dad is 87. Biggrin

Acratopotes's picture

:? SO and his whole family, Mum, Dad and siblings are still group texting each other... effing daily... irritates the crap out of me, cause they will make plans and think I will just follow, I stopped that with the break up, when we kissed and made up, I made it clear...

You will not make plans with your family on group texts, if they want to do something you will not say yes unless we talked about it...

i am happy, SO is happy his family is pissed off

sammigirl's picture

OSS59 just started group texting, but is not good at it; sometimes you get part of a text, not the whole message; he's bad at it. I hate texting, unless it's a necessity. My Skids text if they go to the store, if they eat dinner, on and on.....

DH never actually talks to them, not even on the phone. It is sad. I refuse to text, unless it is an emergency, then I group text the skids. (DH's health is not good). I use group texting to keep from sending personal texts and being accused of not giving everyone the "same" updated information.

I am totally disengaged, so don't communicate only on a "need to know" basis.

soccermom830's picture

I guess I can see both sides - it's just annoying that his kids still feel it necessary to do this with their BM and him knowing he has her blocked or doesn't talk to her. they send pics all the time with news of daily events even tho they post same stuff on fb. I don't get it. it's only the daughters' doing and he never shares any of it with me. maybe that's what gets to me. he is a big part of my boys' lives. I obviously feel left out with an important part of his life while his ex is still in the circle.

Acratopotes - why don't you ask to be included if everyone else is? you're married?

I'm not married to my bf yet.

Stepaside-1987's picture

My Skids do it all the time (aged 32, 30, 28, and 24). I don't like it and I do feel left out. They send updates on the grandkids, pictures, etc. I am never included or every included in thank you's even when I do sign the cards. After several years of being excluded I have chosen to disengage. I only speak to them when the address me, I don't text and on Facebook they have limited access to my account. I have kept the disengagement low-key so that I can keep the peace. I know their hope is for me to explode so that it will cause a rift between their father and me. Sometimes silence is the best revenge. Smile

I also don't want to give them the satisfaction of knowing it bothers me. I have my own children and grandchildren...I focus on them. I recently told my DH I don't care if our families ever blend. I would much rather have my children protected from their gossip, rude behaviors, etc.

Thank you for posting your question though...I was wondering myself if I was being petty letting it bother me. Looks like I am not alone.

soccermom830's picture

you're welcome. no you are definitely not alone. my fiancé acts like it shouldn't bother me at all since he blocks ex wife. it's still the dynamic his kids think is going on which is a family still when it's completely disrespectful to me. he should care what I think and he doesn't. but then again if he says something, gives them a reason to make fun of me or know they got to me, yes, satisfaction. gawd.

Hikinggal's picture

Feeling left out sometimes comes with the territory, even in a good relationship with the Steps. My adult SD (22) sent a thank you for the gifts for her birthday to her dad, but not me. I admit, I was a little left out. It's not really like her - but I just shook it off.

As far as group texting with their mom and my husband, nope. And I am thankful. One time they did but it was a medical update thing and many others were in on it too.

secret's picture

Depends what you consider group text - my kids do this with their friends... it's like the old messenger... multiple people chat view...

I do group text sometimes - when I had to go to the ER, I group texted a few people - but the replies don't come in as group, they're all individual... and they don't see who else is on the text, so I word it as if it was sent to one person. I do the same with my kids - I'll include them all on a text saying "one of you clean the cat litter, one of you peel potatoes, one of you sweep the floor please - figure out who's going to do what, thanks"

JLRB's picture

Last month, my SS33 and his wife had their first baby. When the baby was born, SS group texted pictures to BM, DH, SD, and SS. My husband and his ex-wife can't stand each other and don't speak. He had to read her text message comments about the baby. My husband called me with the news right after he got the text. He didn't realize it was a group text until I asked him. He then texted his son back separately from the group text to offer his congratulations. My SS texted me about an hour later to share the news, to which I responded with my congratulations. I feel he should've texted me and DH together separate from the rest of the group. My ex-husband and I get along, but my kids would never group text all of us. It's like his kids don't recognize us as a married couple and that my DH is still part of the original family.

Merry's picture

Haven't don't group texts, but we have done group emails for important issues/events. Never just chatty stuff. I get along ok with my ex, although my preference is to never have to see him again. Same with DH and his ex.