So sad for my skids

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My DH has custody of his three children and their mom is not right in the head. She has taken us to court I don't even know how many times (and never been successful....ever). Her second husband also got custody of the child they had together when they got divorced. Three days after her divorced was final from #2, she got married to #3 and is currently pregnant with his child.
So I found out that she filed a police report against me for abusing one of the kids at our house. I would never do any such thing. She called the police and had the seven year old SS tell them that I hurt him and left bruises on his arms. I understand that she put him up to it but I'm still pretty upset that he would do this. I know I shouldn't have hard feelings towards the kid, but I can't help but feel betrayed. I give these kids my everything and I love them very much.
We haven't heard anything from the police or DCFS even though the report was filed at least a month ago. She has sent DFCS to our house three or four times and they found nothing. Do you think they've written her off? Any advice on how to handle this situation with the SS? I'm so sad that my skids have to hear all the terrible things BM and husband #3 say about us (the kids tell us they say really bad things all the time). But I'm very saddened that she puts the kids through what I consider mental abuse, like making them lie to the police.

It's a really tough situation

It's a really tough situation that you are in. Your partner needs to speak to the child alone about it and to discuss that what he has done is very wrong ( in an age appropriate way but he should be left with no qualms that he is in big trouble)

Above all you must consider yourself in this situation- the situation has now become dangerous for you. You can never be alone with this child anymore and you should prob have nanny cams all over the house. Also bath and bed time are all completely on dad from now on.
Even if it means that you taking kids to do something fun if there isn't another person then he can't go

Further to this you may want to speak with lawyers about defamation of character suits or to get legal advice on these recurrent accusations
This is very serious so don't ignore it

It is VERY serious

It is VERY serious professionally as I am a teacher. She could never prove anything in court, but that won't stop her from trying. She has filed for custody modification twice. Both times she accused DH and me of terrible neglect, etc. Both times she dismissed her case before it went before the judge. The fact that we have never heard anything from the police or DCFS is odd to me. The kids confirmed that they spoke with the police so we know it happened. My 7 year old SS cried and cried when he told us what she made him tell the police. My heart is broken and I'm mad at the same time.

May I ask what hours your DH

May I ask what hours your DH works? I was reading your last posting about all the child care tending was on you. The father works 13hr night shifts and sleeps roughly six hour stunts. So what does he do the other five hours a day/evenings? School kids usually get out about 3-ish to 3:30-ish and you mentioned your DH has only been asleep about three hours by then.

You also stated your DH only spends about 1/2 a day/evening with his children. I'm trying to get an idea of a timeline you're working with on all this. You've also mentioned you tried to hire some childcare help and BM tossed a temper tantrum ( I fail to understand why you hiring a nanny to help during the father's time with the kid's is any of BM's business) and that you feel guilty over paying for help when you can do it all free.

You best believe a child abuse investigation could bring your teaching career choice to a squealing halt. If nothing else, go back to having the evening helper aka nanny back in your home. It gives you a witness and you're not alone with the children. Surely your DH doesn't work 13hr shifts seven days a week for the last twenty years.

Your Dh's culture beliefs that it is the 'woman' who raises and cares for the children is all fine and dandy ... when and if it is the mother raising and caring for the children. You aren't the mother. These are not your children .

I have a new helper starting

I have a new helper starting today! YAY!!
As far as my DH...Thirteen hours of work, at night. Half hour commute both ways. An hour at the gym. An hour or so of eating, relaxing, doing things around the house before he falls asleep. He would get about six to seven hours of sleep except that I wake him up to see the kids. We've only been together for just under six years, but yes, he has always worked a lot. We got custody of the kids unexpectedly about two months after we got married. I was in shock and very overwhelmed. I did my best to be supportive and a team player and, while I cried a lot in private, I did what needed to be done for the kids.
She threw the tantrum because she thinks the kids should be with her if the aren't being supervised by either of us, especially their dad. She hates me and resents my involvement in any form.

Your DH needs to talk to his

Your DH needs to talk to his attorney about this ASAP. The attorney can request a copy of the police repor, or at least better guide you on what to do.

It's totally possible the kid talked to "the police", as in a friend or family member of BM's or DH#3 who happens to be a cop who thinks she's a loon or told her not to press the issue because nothing would happen. Or the kid talked to some random person BM knows who plays into her delusion.

Again, attorney. Talk to them. If she is spouting off unfounded claims of abuse and neglect, she is going to put herself in a pickle where she may lose custody for her outrageous claims. Judges don't like their time or officers' time wasted just to be petty.

She doesn't have custody. MY

She doesn't have custody. MY DH and I do. We have spent tens of thousands of dollars fighting her illegitimate claims in court. We've been awarded attorney's fees multiple times. She currently owes us almost $30,000 in fees but we'll never see a dime if she can help it. We're sick of court! We're sick of spending so much money on her BS. I plan to get a copy of the report myself and give it to our attorney to see what he says.
She confronted me at the SS's basketball game about abusing him. I told her that was ridiculous. Little did I know she had already filed the police report. The thing is, SS TOLD the POLICE I did this. And I'm sure it was a real cop. Unfortunately, she's called them often enough that our kids know the difference. Even the exchanges have to take place at the Sheriff's station because she's such a high conflict ex. And she encourages her current husband's harassment and threatening of my husband.
I'm sick to my stomach. There's nothing I can do to keep her drama out of their lives and sweet little heads.

You will never be able to

You will never be able to save these kids from their crazy mother. Never. Having a crazy mom myself, I know the kids have to save themselves. Sad as it is, that's a fact. Save yourself.

Save myself how?

Well there is no way I'd ever

Well there is no way I'd ever be alone with kids who lied to police about me.

Exactly.

Unfortunately, at this point,

Unfortunately, at this point, you need more than just a "helper" you need a witness at all times when you are with the kids. Also, you guys probably need to get with a lawyer to represent you and find out what is going on with the "abuse" charge. If it can be proven that she forced the kid to lie then perhaps it's time that she only get supervised visitation with these kids... since.. ya know.. she is mentally abusing them.

If you are a teacher, these allegations are very serious and it sometimes only takes the appearance of a crime to hurt you.

I would also pursue nailing her to the wall for false accusations. Make this burn her.

Has the BM had a psych

Has the BM had a psych evaluation? Sounds like she needs one, in order to lock in some supervised visitation.

You’d think the courts would be tired of her shenanigans. It’s very telling that DH has been awarded attorney fees in the past.

She had a court ordered psych

She had a court ordered psych eval when my husband got custody of the kids. She has a regular psychiatrist (not sure what for but I think she's bipolar) but she had her eval done by another psychiatrist we had never heard of. I never figured out why but I think I can guess why.

I truly believe she is a sociopath. She has high intelligence and can convince people of her stories (until the hear the whole story, like judges do). She accuses us of heinous and ridiculous behaviors that she has zero proof of. She files court cases then drops them before we have a hearing, which often takes a year/year and a half.

She filed a motion for a new trial on her divorce from husband #2 because she disagreed with the judge giving custody to the father and she felt her child support was set to high. The judge denied the retrial motion so this crazy lady filed an appeal to the state!

Her litigiousness knows no bounds.