I am new to this site - so I apologize if I don't get all the abbreviations correct. I am in my thirties and married for over 3 years to my DH. I have known him for over 7 years - I met him when he was starting the divorce proceedings with his ex. He is significantly older than me so my SS is now 26 and my SD (who has never met me and has not spoken to her father since he left 8 years ago) is 31. This is about SS - as I don't know SD and don't ever plan to. SS is 26 years old but has the mind of a child. There isn't actually anything wrong with him mentally - it's just how he acts.

To make this as short as possible I will give the most basic overview I can - but I have more stories and drama then anyone should have in a lifetime. SS is nothing more than a spoiled brat, who is now also an alcoholic/drug addict, and who we have sent to rehab four times already in less than 4 years. He has NEVER been told NO in his life. When he turned 16 DH bought him a brand new Mercedes which he totaled in less than a week. DH and BM bought him a BMW the next week. From 16-26 (yes BM is still buying him cars - even after DH FINALLY stopped) he has had, no less than, 15 different vehicles. All showroom new and all luxury exotic cars. AMGs, BMWs, Suburbans, Shelby Mustangs, Audis (the list goes on). In high school, he would spend WEEKS at a time in his bedroom playing video games. He refused to go to school and BM and DH allowed it. He was failing out so BM and DH sent him to a private boarding school instead. His "reward" for passing summer school - so that he was eligible to go to this private school - was a brand new out of the showroom Mercedes Benz AMG C63. All of this was prior to me but I wanted to lay a little groundwork.

Now that I'm in the picture - SS realizes part of his gravy train has stopped in its tracks. After years of fighting, DH now realizes that his son should be doing things for himself at age 26. After this last bout in rehab (he doesn't actively work the program and thinks he's smarter than everyone else in the sober community) he has once again relapsed. I don't have confirmation of that but all the signs are there. He was fired from his job for not showing up. His punishment from BM is all of his bills paid, his rent paid, gas and food paid for, brand new $300 jeans, an Apple Watch for his girlfriend (who is also an addict and also does not have a job but lives with SS in his apartment ON THE BEACH), a new iPhone X for him, and a new 7 series BMW. (I shouldn't care about what BM buys him but it angers me when DH is still paying her $2k a month in alimony). I feel like in a way it's us contributing to all of this. Then he calls DH whining about what he's going to get from us. When he realized DH was not going along anymore he turned all his anger and hatred onto me. I had to block him from my phone, email, and all social media. He took to Facebook to publicly call me a "gold digging c*nt with a severe mental illness". When I showed DH he actually stood up for me - for the first time in 7 years - and told SS he had to apologize before he was welcome in our home again. He has yet to apologize - but did have the nerve to show up on Christmas night. DH actually stood by his word and told him he wasn't welcome in our home and unless he was there to apologize to me he needed to leave. Needless to say he got into his car and left. BM encourages the nasty behavior toward me. The worse he is to me, the more she does for him.

When does it ever end??? DH always saying "but he's my son". I can't take the stress. I knew he had children when I married him but sometimes it gets to the point where it feels like it's not worth it.

SS is violent and unpredictable. Girlfriend has reached out to say he's abusive but when given the opportunity to leave she refuses. I realize she's not my problem but if something happens to this girl, I'm not sure I could forgive myself. DH refuses to hear anything or know anything. I have tried to talk to him about what would happen if he seriously hurts this girl but all he says to me is that he doesn't care anymore, that his son is an adult and that he's emotionally bankrupt. The other week the girlfriend's mother tried to take her home and SS followed them on the expressway and actually drove the lady off the road. Police were called but he fled before they got there. He ended up having to pay restitution for the damage to the woman's car (with a blank check signed by - you guessed it - BM!) He actually tried to kill someone and she gave him a blank check to pay restitution. I can't compete with this (not that I want to). What do I do? Is any marriage worth this kind of insanity?

When the SS is not in the picture I have the perfect life. I love DH immensely, but I love myself too. I'm nervous that DH will give in soon because SS is relentless in his pursuit of stuff. He nags and whines and throws giant temper tantrums until he gets what he wants. I do not want him in my house. I do not trust him and he scares me. DO SC ever stop hating enough to grow up and just live their own lives like the rest of us do without waiting for their parents to die so they can have their inheritance?

P.S. - Did I mention that SS's apartment on the beach is conveniently located three blocks from my and DH's house on the beach? BM conveniently "found" him that apartment (of all places and towns). Now, I don't even have my safe and happy place!