Step Kids think im a Bank and not to be reguarded.
I am a Step parent of 3 ADULT children. I met my Wife when the children were in their teens. Over the years I have been more of a Father/Uncle to them than their own Blood(father). Every time they need something ($Money$) I get asked by my Loving Wife for help , which of course I try my best even when I don't have it.... I still give and its really not appreciated at all nor do they ever try to pay at least some money back. In December my wife decides to pay half of her Married daughter's $700 rent, (I warned her Not to start paying her daughters rent because I Know that our step daughter will take a good thing and run it into the ground FAST). Now this month the step daughter needs Half of her rent paid again, and I am angry because I can see how my wifes daughter is using her Mothers love just to get money , and this has happened time and time again. Now I am tired of it because I can't afford to Half ($350) of someones rent when her husband is working and making enough money.. It's now causing some problems between me and my wife. Incidentally I paid the $350 this month, But Now im mad and do NOT want to be asked for anymore money because Now I am feeling used . When its all said and done those kids are not going to give one damn about me. I would like to hear some advice. Thank You
Stop subsidizing your step
Stop subsidizing your step kids, period.
You keep giving them money so
You keep giving them money so why should they stop asking? You have been acting as a bank, so they treat you as a bank.
Stop giving them money. They are adults and not your kids. You have no obligation to give them anything.
Just let your wife know you
Just let your wife know you won't be able as help again so she'll be forewarned when they ask again next month. It's one thing when they are genuinely in a jam and they are grateful and another when you become an ATM.
If your wife is willing to
If your wife is willing to stop giving to her spoiled kids, by all means stop giving. But I'm assuming your wife won't stop, so your problem is your wife, not your stepkids.
But this doesn't even have to be about denying her kids. It can be about plain old commonsense. As you get older, you need to save more money, not less. Retirement is expensive; health care will wipe out even reasonable savings if you're in the US. Her kids are still at an age when most of their wage-earning years are ahead of them. Most likely, you are not in that age group. It's crucial that you take care of yourselves first and that means saving every penny. It's time to be selfish and watch out for your own good. She (and you) simply aren't in a position to hand out money, especially if you don't have it.
If her kids need more money, they need more jobs or to lower their costs. It's simple math.
I USED to be very giving to
I USED to be very giving to my SD's (emotionally and financially). The key words here are 'used to'. I finally learned my lesson and now I give much less. I will give gifts on holidays and birthdays and that's it. I now allow their father to use his money on the big ticket items. My bank is closed. I gave sooooooo much for so long and they appreciate NOTHING. I wish I would have realized it sooner instead of wasting thousands of $ and many, many hours of my time trying to comfort them or give them advice in their time of need. Bottom line is Skids do not appreciate anything their step parents do for them. There is no unconditional love there no matter how great you treat them. They will not be there for us later on in life. Step parenting is the most thankless job in the world. Sorry to be so negative but this is what I have determined from my experience.
Thank You , You are so Right.
Thank You , You are so Right. "Bottom line is Skids do not appreciate anything their step parents do for them. There is no unconditional love there no matter how great you treat them. They will not be there for us later on in life." Thank You
I don't mind helping our
I don't mind helping our adult kids when they really need it. Such as the year my daughter was in school full time, working two part time jobs, and the loser boyfriend ran out on the rent. I helped her out and it was money well spent.
But the constant handouts? Nope. Time to give those adults a gift of real, independent adulthood. Mommy isn't doing them any good by solving their problems for them.
SDs will not learn how to
SDs will not learn how to manage money until they have to. Both of you need to stop enabling them. I agree with the above posters; you need to sock money away for retirement. These kids are in the high wage earning years,
My OSD used to ask my DH for money because her credit cards were over the limit frequently. An emergency was one thing, but needing $700 for glasses because her credit cards were overdrawn was ridiculous. Being a softie and with a high salary, he was happy to help her out. Meanwhile, she was laughing bragging to people how she could get her dad to do whatever she wanted, including bail her out.
DH finally stopped and OSD married someone who spends more than she did, lol. But no more handouts to them.
I learned how to manage money
I learned how to manage money when I was still a very young teen. I kept a ledger of what I earned from babysitting and what I spent the money on. Everybody needs to learn not to spend more than you earn.
I have a very nice lifestyle post retirement because I knew to spend less than I made. I am reaping the benefits now.
"I try my best even when I
"I try my best even when I don't have it." What? You are helping out adults when you don't have the money? Why are you on an online forum complaining? Just stop the ATM machine already.
The Bank is CLOSED!
I've learned from experience with my SD's, if you give into them financially, their hands are always out for more. My SD's think I'm a bank. The only time I hear from them is when they want something from me.... So, I have now put my foot down...no more extravagant gift requests will be accommodated. I focus strictly on the Gkids...and purchase what we want to buy for them, not what THEY want for them. It's been hard on my DH, but he is finally seeing things for what they are.
It's been a learning experience for all of us...but I know in the end...we will be a lot happier.