Sober spouse/ Social Drinker Spouse

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Hello quick backround I am 27 my fiance is 36 we have a blended family of 5 and have been blended for 5 years. We have made it through many dark times and now we are living in our glory. Counseling twice and many issies fixed we are now best friends. My spouse is an alcoholic. Not a "drunk" He can sit and consume A ton of alcohol nightly and has high blood pressure and panic attacks which is why he NEEDS to stop. He quits constantly and allt of the times I cancel plans of cousrse to support my spouse. My best friend got martied and we did not attend her reception due to alcohol... The next day he was drinking. just one of the many things I do in support. My best friend of 12 years comes into town once a year and will be here for NYE came down here to bring in NYE with us and I told her we xouldnt go because of the alcohol. I am 27 and I have no alcohol issue whatsoever. I am a social drinker and can go out and have one drink or none I can drink 4 drinks one night and not drink again for 3 months. I want to support him yes, but there are times I would like to come home and enjoy a glass of wime or go to a longe like we used to once a mo th amd have a few drinks or order a drink with my food. I dont k ow that this time is the dinal time of him quitting. But how do you live with a recovering alcoholic and still enjoy a drink once in a while. We go out together not separately. Now of lourse lounges and bars would be out of the question. But I feel like his battle has to now be my battle. Alos when he is sober sexually he lasts about 2 to 3 mins. I am sexually frustrated which is why Iwould like a glass of wine lol. So not only would I have to restrict my self to enjoying a couple drinks jere and thereI also have to deprive myself sexually. Will a relationship with an older sober mate and a younger social drinker work when sex is also an issue during sobreity. I try to think of other hobbies we could do together lile bowling, skating, painting, museums, skiing he turns down all of them when he is sober he liles to sit in the bouse of course it avoids temptaion. but I like to get out at least once a month. We have 5 kids and own a car dealership things get stressful so alone time out with him besides the groceru store is much needed.

I might be wrong but it

I might be wrong but it sounds like he is using the drinking to control you. At some point, his problem needs to be his to solve. You seem to be the only one making sacrifices to try and help your fiancé heal. Go out with your friend.

Try Al-Anon - I'm sure you

Try Al-Anon - I'm sure you can find some help there. I bet this is a common dynamic. I also agree with Briskit - it seems like your DH is controlling you. Many alcoholics are comfortable in situations where liquor is served. Since SO is not, go with your friend without him.

It's not "supporting". It's

It's not "supporting". It's enabling. In addition to Al-Anon,try Codependents Anonymous (CODA).
Do you want your kids to grow up thinking this is normal or healthy?

I know some couples where one does not drink because of alcoholism and the other has an occasional drink in the home. I don't think that is always a good idea, but why don't you do to lunch or dinner or happy hour with a friend once in awhile?

alcoholic. Not a "drunk" ?!?

alcoholic. Not a "drunk" ?!? Yes anybody who has to drink, drinking every night and drinks too much every night is an alcoholic. Unfortunately, that a. Drunk, get your head out of the sand. Missing events because of drinking, how bad can it get. Your SO is not a functional alcoholic. He is not functioning. Best advice, either he stop drinking or you are going to have to leave. This is not good for your kids. He is never going to school plays or sports.

But, they are "living in our

But, they are "living in our glory."

Some great advice has been

Some great advice has been given here. Definitely consider taking it. You are way too young to settle. You are also missing out on life. As MRO stated, go without him. Look deep before you leap.

The Big Book of Alcoholics

The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous puts it simply; there is no such thing as making a normal drinker out of an alcoholic.

You’re far too young to start spending your life trying to manage, fix, or control someone’s addiction.

The writing is on the wall.

The writing is on the wall. All you have to do is read it. You have been together for five years. All that time should tell you this is how life will be (or worse if he takes up drinking again). If that's not tolerable now, you need to move on.

I don't think it's realistic to keep alcohol in your house when his sobriety is so tenuous. It's great that you avoid drinking at home, but it bugs you. So you need to think about how important a glass of wine with dinner is because if he falls off the wagon, there are five kids who will have to endure it. Part of being in a relationship is giving up some things because you're in the relationship. You owe it to those kids to do everything you can to keep him sober and if that means giving up parties and wine with dinner, that's the price you pay for choosing an alcoholic as a mate.

As for pub nights and wedding receptions, it sounds as if he doesn't know how to live a sober life. I'd sure as hades get that worked out before you marry him, but you're as good as married now. It should have been worked out before you blended your families. Extricating from this will be hard for all five kids, but staying in could be a lot worse.

Please find a well respected

Please find a well respected counselor for a few sessions. Who will help you see THIS is not a blended family but an awful mess for your kids, and you of course.

Addressing your boyfriend.

YOU cant save him and all the meeting you go to will not save him either.

Regardless of what addiction he has, whether its hoarding, meth, heroin, booze, gambling the addict MUST do all the work.

Let that resonate for a few....addict must do all the work.

THEN as they follow the 12 step program they must must must apologies for all the shit they put everyone thru. Its part of the 12steps. They also must learn to cope and with triggers they must call their sponsor ...not keep YOU from attending events.

Life is an event, it is YOUR only event, so it sound like you are suppose to be absent from your life until HE gets it together.

Move on Miss....find a clean and sober man or women and be happy living your best self. If you decide to stay with him, hand your bio kids over to your ex, their father. They deserve to live with clean and sober people at all times.

That's good advice on sending

That's good advice on sending the kids elsewhere to live. Lots of kids are born to addicts and the poor things have no choice. You can choose anyone to live with your kids. If you knowingly choose an addict, wow, that's just bad parenting. If you can't give him up, at least get your own place so your kids are always safe and don't learn his bad habits.

^^Well-said^^

Exactly give the kids to bio

Exactly give the kids to bio dad.

YOU and the boyfriend can figure all this junk out for weeks, months and years. Love your kids enough to give them a decent life.

Bet ya wont consider it,,,right?

well long story short. we

well long story short. we talked and realized our ages at this stage in our life is a big issue. I now need to figure out my next steps in life. It was not amicable and we have been together since i was 23 I spent 23 -27 making and building his business without a penny to my own name. I wish I could actually speak to one of u ladies. looks like ill be heading to a shelter with ny 2 kids theres no way i could afford 1300 rent. And its rented in my name so i will have my 1st eviction as well....I am just ready to move on eoth life Ive endured enough emotional and in the past physical abuse. Time to put my big girl panties on.

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Sober spouse/ Social Drinker Spouse