ADHD stepchild and inappropriate touching
My significant other has 2 children who live with her ex-husband: a boy aged 15 and a girl aged 12. The boy and girl both suffer from ADHD. The boy's ADHD is much worse and without his medication, he's a real handful. The girl's ADHD is milder, mostly only with her attention drifting at school.
My SO lives with me. She only gets the 2 kids every second weekend. What really disturbs me, is the boy's behavior towards his mother and sister. He is forever hugging and touching both of them on various parts of their anatomy, and even attempts to kiss them at random times.
Look, some hugs are OK, but this is excessive, as in constant. I even once walked in to find the boy lying on top of the girl on my couch (fully clothed, thank God!) The sister doesn't appear to be receptive and often gets upset when he does this. He also displays inappropriate behavior towards his mother. He would for example think nothing of walking into our room when she's just come out of the bath and is busy dressing. She does shout at him, in her defence, when he bugs her or his sister.
Not only does the inappropriate behavior bug me, but I'm really worried that the boy and girl are going to get up to some far more serious stuff under my roof, or that he's going to deliberately walk in on us while both of us are getting dressed (or worse).
What do I do? Do I scold him when I think he's touching his mom or sister inappropriately? Do I tell my SO I'd prefer not to see him? It's a real problem.
These kids need to learn how
These kids need to learn how to respect their own, and other people's personal space. It is especially important for kids with special needs as they don't interpret social signals and it could get them into trouble later in life.
This behaviour bugs you because your instincts tell you it is wrong. I was submitted to this kind of behaviour in OSD's home so I stopped going.
I think you should tell SO about your feelings- how would she feel if you do it too? That is something you should consider as these kids get older- protecting your own personal space is important as you don't want to be vulnerable to their behaviour.
In Fairyland we have a rule that we don't touch underwear space- so that means where women wear bras and pants and wear men have pants. It is a simple rule that everyone should understand.
If SO doesn't listen or agree then the option is to disengage- find things to do when they visit that means you don't see it, or just leave the room etc. If they attempt to touch you in this way I would stop it immediately- maybe they will learn from you but it is ultimately SO's responsibility.
Why does the mother allow her
Why does the mother allow her child to do these kinds of things?
I’m thinking ADHD is the
I’m thinking ADHD is the issue they both need referral to a professional they are growing into dysfunctional adults.
It doesn't sound as if the
It doesn't sound as if the issue has been raised to the kids yet. Give that a try. I remember my mom telling me, "You're too old to walk around in your underwear." I didn't perceive that age/physical change in myself, but she did. If they were raised in a casual home with little space like we were, where everyone walked in on everyone regularly, maybe boundaries weren't a big deal so they just don't know what's appropriate as they get older. When my mom told me that, I sensed what she wasn't saying and felt a little ashamed and it never happened again. Their bodies might be ahead of their brains! With any luck, giving them guidance as to what's appropriate might just work. (I'm feeling optimistic today!)
ADHD does NOT present with
ADHD does NOT present with kids like this.
Bad parenting OR no parenting and lack of teaching of boundaries WILL.
Tell your boyfriend to find his own place. Hopefully you are the only one on the mortgage or lease. You can date him when his kids are with mom.
I am so sorry..you are on target this is odd..
THIS IS NOT a normal. I have boys and girls of my own and the last thing they wanted to do is be physically near each other in the manner you suggest. Also, by this age kids want less and less cuddle time touching by mom and dad.
In case your wondering, the current state of affairs is no marriage material.
Good Luck...follow your gut.
Could the boy be autistic? I
Could the boy be autistic? I feel bad that you said his mother shouts at him for giving hugs. Maybe redirect his affection in a gentle way? Teach him to make a nice drawing or do A chore instead of so much hugging? Maybe he just feels out of place and worried about his mother's love? How did the biodad come to have full custody?
-
-
Inappropriate touching is not
Inappropriate touching is not a symptom of ADHD. At 15, he should have a good understanding of appropriate touching and inappropriate touching.
Your SO seems to be bothered by his behavior, so she should say something to her child. She might also want to talk to the child's father to see if this behavior happens at his home, as well.