All about the in-laws
Anyone else have selfish in-laws or is it just me?
DH's mother, aunt, and brother act as if I have no family of my own. DH's aunt told him if we are visiting my mom for Christmas, we can drive two states over for the day to her house. DH's mom will be there.
DH handled the situation better than I thought he would. Of course she still insisted.
But why is it that we can't go see my mom and that be ok? Truth be told, I saw more of his family last year than I did my own. My mom understood, but it still wasn't fair to her. SS12 and SS15 never are with us for the holidays. If they were I would have no problems with DH taking them by himself.
I just don't appreciate how his family are holiday hogs. I have considered and will start doing my own thing for the holidays if necessary.
This year we decided to not visit and it's a really big issue.
Family dynamics are a
Family dynamics are a minefield. Sadly there are some families that think when you marry into them, you leave your old family behind.They can't see that other families may even exist. Luckily for me I have very few in-laws (skids are quite enough anyway) but in my previous marriage if we couldn't reciprocate then we didn't participate. I think your DH seems to be doing his best, all I can say that no one can force you to go where you do not desire to go, or be with people you do not desire to be with. Just stick to your guns and eventually the message may get through.
You are so right. I
You are so right. I definitely plan sticking to my guns on this one. As I stated in my post I have no problems with DH going by himself.
My inlaws hog the holidays
My inlaws hog the holidays too. They do Christmas already at their house and this year sister in law wanted us to come to her house for Thanksgiving which was fine, but I miss my family. My parents have passed away and I kind of wanted to start a new tradition just me and my husband and our kids on Thanksgiving but this year we went to his family instead. I did it for the kids mainly.
I know how you feel. Funny
I know how you feel. Funny thing is when he and BM were married they NEVER went for the holidays. We have gone to visit his mom or aunt every year since 2014. Personalities are starting to clash.
My former in laws ruined our
My former in laws ruined our nuclear family Christmas AND summer holidays by hogging the schedule each time. This carried on for my entire 29 year marriage. There were times I pretended to be ill so I could skip their interminable family events. DH never stood up to them. By the time they died, my sons were so sick of being forced to see their grandparents and cousins that they have no continuing relationship with the cousins now that they are all adults. Beware anyone reading this who thinks your grandkids want to see you ad nauseum.
My own parents were way too "understanding" of my predicament. I recall the one time I went against MIL's wishes (the year my mother was dying of cancer) my inlaws refused to speak to me...for seven months...until my mother died and they " got" why I needed to spend Xmas with my Mom.
Some people are just vacuously self absorbed.
That is DH's family.
That is DH's family. Self-absorbed and all about them. If I have it my way his family will only see my once a year. Now DH is more than welcome to go and see his family. I would never stop him.
My in laws also hog every
My in laws also hog every holiday by planning huge parties and demanding that we are there. They never include me in the planning or preparing, though I offer. They get angry if we say we can't come because they worked so hard and planned it around my child. It never occurs to them that maybe I/we would like to do some of these things for our child in our own way.
Still figuring out what to say to them.
My point exactly....they need
My point exactly....they need to consider what you may want to do. If we had gone out of town I would not have been able to meet a friend for lunch and a movie. DH got some time to himself. We loved it.
Yes, this is totally my life.
Yes, this is totally my life. DH's family are "disappointed" if they don't see SSs every holiday, which means they expect DH and I to spend every holiday with them. My family is 2500 miles away, so driving between families is not an option.
They also expect that SSs can attend every one of their events, even if they schedule them on BM's weekends, which means DH has to promise BM the moon and stars for them to be able to attend.
It's so annoying...I want to scream at them "SSs are now part of two separate families and therefore, cannot be at every one of your events! Also, DH is now part of two separate families and just because BM's family rarely did anything that doesn't mean that mine doesn't and that means you will not see DH and I (and therefore, not see SSs) for every holiday!"
I want to scream with you.
I want to scream with you. Selfish in-laws are the worst. I think what also has me angry is how they are just acting as if my mom doesn't exist. Not cool.
oh yes - sounds like we have
oh yes - sounds like we have the same in-laws, they get very angry if we dare seeing my parents.... or even do something on our own and not informing them... I almost lost it a while back, but I kept my mouth shut because SO spoke up first lol... he's getting it after 15 years...
We did something for ourselves, we took 2 days leave and went camping, MIL found out and she climbed into SO for not asking them first...
he simply said, I'm 50 I don't need your approval... then she played the card.. what if something happened to us and we could not get a hold of you...
SO replied - you have a son a mile down the street, why not call him, why do you want to call me living in the next town over? I simply walked out of the kitchen lol..... was very hard not to kiss him right there and then..
I can understand this....When
I can understand this....When i was married before. We spent probably 70% of the holidays with her family.
With my GF, its a bit different. Her parents are Canadian, so they don't celebrate the same thanksgiving. So that was easy, we actually hosted, and my brothers family and my parents came it was fun and low key...
Christmas....well, christmas will be ummm....interesting. Last year GF and her daughter went to her parents house, i stayed home alone. I could not go due to work. And i won't be able to go this year either.
Having said that. GF doesn't want to go to her parents this year. She really didn't want to go last year but did...And spent alot of the week texting me about how much drama there is and how over it she is.....But she does because of her 9yr old Daughter. She hasn't really come out and said it yet to her parents, but she doesn't want to go...Of course daughter does. To her Christmas is at her grandma's house, she knows nothing else. GF wants to start our own traditions just the 3 of us....
I told her i support her either way. I am not going to stop her from going to her families for christmas.