When people make comments about your lack of children, simply smile and say, "Why are you so interested? Is it true that misery loves company?"

Or you could smile and tell them "I'm too afraid of ending up with little monsters like yours."

Hi,

Yes, I've had the wings sprouting look too. Certain people do seem to think you're not 'complete' unless you have a child. You don't say when you decided you didn't want children, I knew in my teens & my outlook never changed, maybe for that reason I've never found it difficult to deal with the question. My stock answer:

'I never had the ticking clock feeling, a yearning or lack of fulfilment that so many women seem to experience.'

It isn't anyone else's business, I'm not rude with my reply and it does usually drawer a line under it. You're DH's ex is trying to rattle you...or is jealous of your lifestyle?!

Nothing that you said sounds strange as I feel the same way. I knew when I was 10 years old and my friends were talking about growing up, getting married and having babies that I wanted no part of that baby part. I just knew it in my soul.

Anyone putting you down or calling you out for your choice is just nosing in business that does not belong to them...your body, your business.

My daughter is 22 and firmly does not want children. She has her work, friends and fur babies and is quite content. I have 3 adult kids now and have never and will never hint or harass them to give me grandchildren. My only wish is that they have happy and fulfilling lives of their choosing.

My sister is childless and I must admit am a bit jealous of her lifestyle. She does what she wants, spends her money how she wants, has never been through a custody battle, never had skids. She's older than me by more than a decade but you'd never know due to the lack of stress in her life!

When I was younger, less enlightened, and going to church every sunday I would ask married couples when they were going to have a baby. I'd also ask people w/kids who were 18+ mos when they were having their next one. If a couple was know to be infertile I'd ask when they were adopting. These kinds of questions were part of the religious culture I was in, wasn't just me everyone asked everyone these intrusive personal questions, it was basically a baby making cult LOL.

Can't imagine willingly being a SM when you chose not to have your own kids though. You must be a saint is all I have to say

I have Huge respect for adults who decide not to have kids.

No questions or rude remarks from me.

It is NO ones business what you decide.

Best wishes !!

I'm not offended when asked why I don't have kids because I realize it's pure novelty in an ego-driven world. Many of my friends also don't have children - I gravitate toward those without kids because people with kids are so boring and they never have money or time for anything. Reproducing truly is for the unimaginative. Their whole identity becomes their kids and I am not into that scene. I can't imagine anything more dehumanizing - other than marriage
But when someone does ask, I sincerely answer: "Why do I have to have kids? I didn't do anything wrong." And I mean that. From what I can see, it's a life sentence and doesn't live up to the hype. So few parents seem to truly enjoy it.

What I find most odd about it are the people who sometimes ask...people whom I don't really know very well. It feels like a weird violation of my privacy for acquaintances to be asking about my having children.

When it's people like that, I usually just laugh it off or say, "haha, maybe". My family doesn't ask, although I know some of them are thinking about it. One of my aunts used to ask me when I was going to have a baby when I was single, but now that I'm married, it doesn't come up.

That said, my DH is the worst when it comes to asking people about when they're going to have children. I get so angry with him and tell them that it's none of his business and it's perfectly normal to not want children. Ironically, being around my stepchildren has made me even less interested in having children. They are not fun and exciting. They have shown me all the downsides of having children - the constant drama, the whining, the demands for money, the shuttling everyone around. It's not fun. Even my friends will children will say that they have lost their own lives. I don't want that and I think I'm fortunate that I have a lot of friends who are also childless by choice, so I don't feel like I'm the odd woman out.

BM telling you to go and have a baby....

I would laugh and say why BM ?? So I can pawn it off to another woman some day like you do? There's enough kids in this world who's mothers do that to them I'm not going to contribute and make a child's life miserable..

or something like - Sorry but your brat is so rude and keeps me busy that I've decided never to have children..

come on I'm sure you can come up with a good answer to get her mouth shut for ever...

what about - BM if I have a baby skid will be totally forgotten, do you really want your child to grow up with out parents?

When someone asks me if I'm planning on having kids, I give them a strange look and say: "aw helllllllllll no! I'm happy, why would I want to ruin that?" and leave it at that. usually the person asking the question just laughs or judges me in silence, but if that happens, I start looking around like I'm searching for something and say: "hmmm...I can't seem to find any...F*$KS TO GIVE!"

Also, you're not "childless." You're CHILDFREE. You've chosen to be free of children, and so have millions of other awesome adults. Big difference in semantics and the childfree lifestyle is wonderful.

I love my children more than life, but I (like someone posted above) am often jealous of those who chose not to have any because they have more money, more time to do what they want and focus on their goals. Perhaps your BM is secretly jealous as well.

I do not have kids (at 50+ it's not likely now..haha).

I think sometimes people are a bit surprised to meet people who have not kids at my age.. because I guess it's more typical that I would have had kids.

Me personally, I didn't want children when I was younger.. then my first husband WAS a child.. so no desire then. By the time I met my current DH.. it was pretty late in the game and it didn't happen naturally and I didn't want it so badly that I wanted to spend money and resources on MAKING it happen.. so no kids.

Honestly, the most polite people in this world will not press you anyway. Do they really want to get into deep conversation about how you wanted them so much but are infertile? How awkward would that be?

I think that sometimes it's the communication about it that can cause the issue to be more awkward than it should be.

The person asks the "do you have any kids" question because it's a typical question for lots of people in the "get to know you" or passing the time way. Then you come back to them with "No, I see my career and relationship as my children.. so I don't have any by choice"... The person asking the question may think that you are putting them down in some way as if having kids is not as important as what you do.. So.. they say things to make their decision TO have them validated.. like "you don't know what you are missing.. kids are amazing or whatnot".

Honestly, it's like people wishing me a happy mother's day. I am not a mother and my mother passed away ON mother's day.. so...yeah.. not my favorite thing to have wished to me...lol.

Sometimes the vibe you may be getting is them feeling awkward to have asked a personal question to begin with.

I've known I was childfree since I was a small child. But when I was younger, I was sort of closeted because it was not a widely known or accepted lifestyle. It's much more accepted now. (As it should be).

this is my usual response - "i like my kids like i like my dogs - already half-raised, mannered, and potty-trained."
}:) }:) }:)

I am a StepDad and I completely understand and agree with you. I love kids. But... I have never had a drive to spawn any and I haven't.

When I met my wife and we chose to become equity life partners I knew that meant being my SS's dad. So that is what I have been since SS-25 was 15mos old.

His mom and I chose when we married to make our focus our marriage, raising SS to be a man of character, and to counter the toxic influence of the shallow and polluted end of his gene pool and protect his best interests and protect our family from their crap.

That included investing in our educations (3 degrees since we married. My wifes undergrad and a Masters degree apiece ... and a professional certification apiece.) We married a few months after I finished my undergrad. It also included mutual support for each of our careers. It has worked well and so far we have accomplished all of the goals we set when we first married and evolutionary goals since then.

Our son is a man of character and is accomplishing a successful career of his own though his mom and I both would like to see him knock out his undergrad sooner rather than later. But... we were cursed by my mom to have a kid just like me and I was on the 11yr undergrad plan. It looks like my kid will likely continue to follow in those footsteps.

I don't even know how many people have tried to tell me that being a StepDad or adoptive dad (I am both... my son asked for me to adopt him he was 22) is not the same as being a breeder dad. I agree. It is different... though not for the reason that the proponents of breeder status parenting may think. It is different because Step or adoptive fathering is a choice every time rather than an accident of biology which seems to be so prevalent for increasingly more BioParents over the years.

You will get nothing but support and agreement from me as a childless by choice bio-kid free Sparent.

My personal favorite is when DH family keeps asking me if we are going to have kids and when I say "no, we can't afford another one we can barely afford SS" they respond (with a very "knowing" smile) "Oh yes you can. When you have a kid you will find a way, you'll see"..
Um...how 'bout "NO?"
If by "find a way" they mean living off sardines and crackers while BM gets the cs raised out of spite that DH "started over" then yes, yes we can "find a way" but that is no way to have a family. I mean damn, I'm counting down the years until ss turns 18...but by all means lets have a baby and start it all over

My motto has always been, "No kids, no pets, no live plants."

And I never cared what anybody thought about it. Not everybody's purpose has to do with having children.

I have said «I enjoy sleeping, and spending my money on myself» }:)
Parents cannot help but understand

For those of you who struggle with the question, here's a quick fix that's as fun as it is effective! When they ask, tear up and scream, "We've tried for so long!" then run off to the bathroom. Trust me, no one who witnesses that will EVER ask again. And it's just so damn fun.

I think people question and judge, especially women, no matter what you do. They label those without kids selfish, those who only have one child selfish, those who have lots of kids selfish and the list goes on.

I've seen a SM for a decade now and childless - although not by choice. I estimate I've been grilled on whether I have/want kids at least once a fortnight in the last 10 years and it's exhausting. Every time someone asks me I have to decide whether to lie (ie be vague on my answer) or answer honestly - which is yes but it hasn't happened for us. In the last 1-2 years I've started opting for honesty the vast majority of the time and will tell people about the infertility struggles, IVF etc. It has been the biggest eye opener how many people have no idea what to say and often say things that make you feel so much worse about the situation.

My all time most hated comment from multiple women is "well at least you have two step-children, that's almost as good". WTF - only someone who has no idea how hard it is could make such an ignorant and offensive comment!

Anyway, the good news for me is that after 6 years of trying, 3 rounds of insemination, a miscarriage and four rounds of IVF (which were beyond brutal) I finally got pregnant on my last attempt!

The correct response to the ex:
I have a brat talking to me right now.(mic drop)
If she continues then I start to talk about my education and this "one time I was in college"
If it doesent stop then I mention how my hubs is trating me and the kids so wonderfully and some things we did with her kid
(Do I sound like a B...ppl should be prepared for it when they feel entitled to comment about my uterus