Although I think your advice is a little strong, as a childless SP, I have to admit that there are a couple of issues that tick me off to no end.

I always say America accepts divorce but not SPs. Somewhat exaggerating here, but you can get divorced pretty much for any reason. The family is split apart, and issues are bound to come from this. The ideal is that there should be no noticeable difference between daddy living in one house and mommy living in another house. They are supposed to co-parent and everything is going to be hunky-dory. What about 80% of the people forget is just like war is hell, divorce is hell too, and there really is no way to pretend nothing has changed. The key is to move on and not to pretend that nothing ever happened. And, what if BM or bio-dad remarries!? Well, according to many, that is not supposed to matter at all! The SP is supposed to just sit back and mind their place and let the bio-parents go about their business as if nothing happened, and let SKs go about their business. Meanwhile, the SP is supposed to have no say in how his or her OWN marriage or household is ran. What a major bunch of BS, is all I can say. My DH is a parent, yes, but he is not still connected at the hip to BM. They are parents, but they are not a couple. THEY gave up the right to be a couple when they divorced. That was their decision.

And, then SM gets slammed all the time for acting like a mom. Really!? These kids are supposed to come to her home and she is supposed to sit on her hands and do nada. Then, if she so much as cooks a meal for her DH and his kids, she is some kind of wipe for trying to act like a mom. Interesting, tho. You rarely see BM getting slammed for acting like a wife to DH. BM can make all sorts of arrangements including DH without his permission or DH's wife permission, and DH is just expected to go along with whatever script has been written for him because BM is the mother to his children. And, believe me, usually that script excludes SM to the max. So, me--I'll do whatever works for my situation everyone else be damned, I am married to my DH, and I am his wife. No other woman is going to be running around playing wife with my husband.

Then, you get these people who think that SPs are supposed to accept a sloppy-seconds type marriage. This can even include other SPs. The thought is that you only act like a married couple pretty much only in the bedroom. Everything else, your side vs. his side, is to be separated out 50:50 or such. In my mind, this is not a marriage. This is a business arrangement, and if you want that kind of marriage, fine, but don't expect every SP to want or have such. AND, foremost, what about spouses who have no children and are getting married for the first time to someone who is divorced with children? Really. They are supposed to magically know that they have just settled for a sloppy seconds marriage or just signed on to always being last because they have no children of their own and DH, SKs and BM come first!? No way in H-. Marriage = marriage. Doesn't matter if it is first, second+ marriage. Every marriage deserves the respect that SHOULD come with it.

ETA: SPs matter and have feelings too. It is absolutely astounding how many people forget that. So, when I attend an event with my husband, I expect to be seated with my spouse, just like any other married couple would expect--to be seated with their spouse. I do not, under any circumstances, expect to see my husband seated with some other woman, period, sans my permission. You do that, and you deserve whatever hell, fury and angst may come your way. If I'm not going to have any children, and I have to (at least to some degree) take care of someone else's children, then the least I'm going to get out of life is a husband and a marriage, and not a sloppy seconds, business-type arrangement. You try to shove "ha-ha, your marriage doesn't matter and you come last" in my face, and you can go to . . . .

I know it has been tough for you, lazyday. It is hard for many SPs when they realize that their spouse is basically still "owned" by some other man or woman (even years after the divorce), and that most societies as a whole have no problem endorsing or even promoting this concept.

My advice: Get it out of your system, and then move on, as hard as that may be. And, remember, you don't need a man to make you happy. Some of us have worked things out to a degree with our situations, some of us have not, and some of us are still struggling. Regardless, try to create your own happiness and do what you enjoy and, in your case, enjoy your rediscovered freedom.

P.S. There is a Bio Child Free Zone forum category on StepTalk.org too. The category is for SPs that are SPs, but have no children of their own.

LazyDay, love your "making lemonaid!" positive plan of action to use your experience for good!