11 yr old and vacation with BF
We are going to Gulf Shores for vacation Saturday. My son (11) doesn't want to go because my boyfriend is going (we've been dating over a year). First vacation together. I am excited and wanted my son to go to the ocean since he has never been. He said he wants to stay with his Dad. Once he gets around my bf for more than a few hours, he is fine and I know he will have a blast. I'm debating should I make him go or enjoy my time with BF? What would you do? I realize if I don't make him go, he's getting his way but maybe this is one of those "you pick your battles".....
He does have a basketball game, meet his teacher at school before school starts on Friday and seems to be fine with staying.
Thoughts??
My BF thinks he should go - it will be good bonding time. But I think he's fine either way.
You've been dating over a
You've been dating over a year... but are you sure you're going to stay with him? And have you introduced your son to other boyfriends in the past that haven't worked out? If so, he might be apprehensive. I think a vacation together with your son and boyfriend comes off very "family vacation" so it's probably hard for your son, especially if you've only been dating a year. You're not even engaged yet.
I would go with your boyfriend and let your son/him take it slow and build a relationship on their own terms.
Exactly! I agree
Exactly! I agree
I think he should
I think he should go...sometimes I think children of divorce are afforded too much choice (mine included : ) ).
I don't know, you've been
I don't know, you've been dating a year, you do not live together, I'm not so sure your son should be forced to go on vacation with your BF. If I remember correctly from other posts, they don't even really get along?
You aren't married or engaged
You aren't married or engaged or even live together. You are dating. I'd never force my DD to go on vacation with someone I dated. I understand you want them to bond but really it's not something that must happen right now.
think it's great he wants to stay with his dad. I'd let him.
My bf has also mentioned he
My bf has also mentioned he doesn't think I should sit in the back seat with him either at all. That he is a child and doesn't need me to do that anymore. I disagree since it's a long drive.
Yeah none of the kids are for us being together and are all selfish (21, 24 and 24 also) - except for his 28 year old son. he's supportive of us. You don't think it would be a good bonding experience?
Forced bonding is never a
Forced bonding is never a good experience.
I agree with your BF about
I agree with your BF about not riding in the back. Why can't your son ride in the back buckled down? You need to sit with him? Why? People even put babies in the seat in the back alone. Let alone 11-year old. I am confused on this one.
I don't see any need to bond them right now. When DD was young I wouldn't even introduce her to guys I dated for a long time let alone worry about them bonding. Are you planning to get married soon?
I wonder why your BF wants your kid there. Does he not want adult only vacation?
I agree with your BF on this
I agree with your BF on this issue.
Think of it in another way: What if you drove? Would you be okay with boyfriend sitting in the backseat with him. I'm guessing probably not. It seems like that would be weird.
Think of it another way: What if your adult female friend was in the vehicle. Would you want her to drive while she taxied you and son around? I'm guessing probably not for that too.
I get you don't want your son to feel left out. But leaving BF in the front seat to sit with your son in the backseat- you automatically are 'choosing' to sit with one over the other. The logical choice is to seat in the logical seats- two adults should sit in front, child in back.
That is the seating arrangement that most adults are comfortable with (take away elements of boyfriend, son, mom, etc).
he is just sick of the
he is just sick of the influence my ex has over my sons. he thinks this is why he doesn't want to go and shouldn't miss out because of feeling bad for bonding with my bf. I'm not sure when we are getting married.
I just thought it would be nice if I sat in the back on a 13 hour drive and played a game or watched a movie with him for a short while. no big deal. I always had siblings so it was different.
he would ride in the back.
he is going to stay with dad now I decided. it will be more relaxing anyway.
Good idea. Let him stay with
Good idea. Let him stay with dad.
13 hour, isn't non stop? That's long. I prefer to not be in
The car more than 10 hours max.
Well of course your ex has influence on BSs, isn't he the father? Your BF is a bit controlling I think. Why is it even his business? .
he is my 11 yr old's father.
he is my 11 yr old's father. my 24 yr old has a diff. father.
why is what his business? he used to be very negative about me dating and used to talk bad to my sons about him which is ridiculous. he shouldn't have anything negative to say. we have been over for a long time. there is no reason for it.
Yes he is wrong talking to
Yes he is wrong talking to your son about your dating life. How do you know that he does though?
just the way my sons act -
just the way my sons act - just like him. he denies it of course but I can tell by things he says to me. it's weird.
so I went on vacation with my
so I went on vacation with my bf alone and my son was very upset I didn't take him - told him I chose my bf over him. that I was missing out on his young years. ughhhh also said last night he wishes he was still with his dad cause my bf was over. talk about pulling at my heart strings. sucks!!!
and bf's adult daughter who lives with him is jealous of the time I spend with him and none of his family liked one post I posted during his trip. oh well i guess but do i want these people in my family forever if we got married?? bf says i just need to get to know them better. huh???? i've been around them plenty - don't want to anymore after his daughter's wedding and being treating like dirt. it's like they all are jealous of his time with me and feel sorry for his 21 yr old daughter. sooooo strange! it's all old!
I find it very weird that
I find it very weird that both families are not in support of this relationship because they are jealous. I could see one side or one person but all of them? His family dislikes you and your family dislikes him and all just because they are all jealous? And your ex DH is jealous too?
It reminds me of high school kids. They always believe that every drama and conflict they have is because people are jealous. I have never heard adults saying that. I have hard time buying that it's all jealousy.
I guess the million dollar
I guess the million dollar question is if you're going to continue to put your boyfriend over your son and continue to miss out on special times with him?
I never put my boyfriend over
I never put my boyfriend over my son. I asked him to go and he knew he was welcome.
also yes jealous. all the kids. we have both been single a long time and they are used to our complete attention. believe me. then call it selfishness I guess.
my ex is very jealous of my bf because he's always wanted his cake and to eat it too type of man. my boys have heard him say things about my bf to try to get them not to like him. it's ridiculous and strange. and his daughters are best friends and ever since one of the daughter's wedding and he stood up for me to her for being treated with no respect, they have both acted aloof to him. the one who lives with him wants him home more. so yes, it's truly a thing with kids even as adults. jealous they are not the center of our attention like the past.
I don't see this as putting
I don't see this as putting BF over DS. The adults in the relationship wanted to go on vacation to the gulf shore. The adult in the relationship work make the money, and that what they wanted to do. DS was asked to go, I am sure he was asked nicely, told of he fun stuff. But in a power play, and it was a sometyoe of PLay. He didn't want to go to make adults have a bad time, because he was missing on the vacation. When the adults went anyway and had a good time. DS plan backfired and he now is upset that he missed out
Can not let your kids run your life. He became a big boy, and had to pay got his mistaken
You are the adult and the
You are the adult and the parent. It is entirely your call.