I have to say.... that is so wrong for you to enter the house and leave her in the car even for 1 min. I do not blame her for leaving and you disregarded what she was saying. Your ex is my opinion is trying to make issues between your gf and you. Worst part you allow it to happen. A break up is messy and things are awful and things suck, but guess what you have now hurt another person who did not deserve to be hurt in that way.

It was very disrespectful of you to go into your ex's house and spend time with her while your ex was waiting in the car. 15 minutes?? So you just expected her to sit there and wait for you while you gave your attention to your ex wife instead? You don't seriously see anything wrong with this??

I will say it's one thing to go into the house for 1 minute if for any reason the kid forgets something or they aren't ready for whatever reason, but you should have had more respect for your girlfriend than to leave her waiting on you like that, while you spent time in some other woman's house.

Then, on top of it all, to get mad at her, tell her its none of her business and put down her family? You've got a lot of nerve buddy. You are completely in the wrong here and I don't blame her one bit for leaving!

" I'm afraid she's really mad at me this time."

She should be. You treated her feeling about this like a total jerk. Does your ex come to your home with your GF and just wander around and stay and chit chat? I bet not.

There is nothing, technically 'wrong' with you going in and checking out the new deck. Your ex is good with it and it appears so are you. It works for you and ex. But here's the thing, and it's a big thing...you are now in a relationship with another woman and you and this other woman live together. This means you now have a third person that must be considered and she's not ok with it. How her father did it when she was a child is exactly how many many many divorced parents did it and still do it. Do you realize that very often court orders in the parenting plan address pick-ups and drop-offs? Your GF isn't being nutty for feeling the way she does, she is not comfortable with you entering and remaining inside your ex's house. That ceased being your home when you divorced.

Parents need to co-parent and discuss their children, but they don't need to go inside and check out the ex's new deck. You see this as no big deal. your GF sees it as crossing a boundary that should be in place. Did you listen to her concerns? NO, you tossed insults towards her.

I wouldn't be surprised to hear you are also the parent *we* read about here that is constantly having text/calls going back and forth with your ex. If you want the relationship with your GF to continue you are going to have to set boundaries and stick with them. A little newsflash, if GF is gone for good and you eventually move on to a new GF and decide to live with the new GF, the new GF too will expect you to have boundaries set with your ex.

I loved the Reba show, but it's unrealistic. Just as the Brady Bunch was.

Some people can co-parent in a more friend basis manner and everybody gets along and SF/SM even has dinner with the ex for birthday parties ect. Well, hey, that's great if and when it actually works for all adults in the picture, but it is not the norm.

At then years old this child is quite capable of seeing you pull up and coming out to get in the vehicle. If Mom has something she needs to discuss with you, she too can either come out to the car or email you the details later. This isn't a case where you are right or wrong, it's instead a case where you will find very few woman (the current one or any future Gfs) who will be good with you running in and playing family with your ex. What's next? Are you going to run in and help fix the washer? Open her pickle jar? Mow her yard?

Wow, you sound immature and insensitive.

It is rude to leave anybody waiting in the car for 15 minutes (and you are guessing, it may have been longer).

Your GF obviously has some issues with her own security and you being cordial enough to be able to go into your ex's house because she's mad that you went in at all, not just about the length of time.

Wait, I just read your bio, you do not have a cordial, civil co-parenting relationship with your ex, what ARE you doing going into her house, looking at her new deck, leaving your GF in the car?

I would not have minded if my DH had had a decent relationship with his ex-wife (had she been normal), it would have been better for my SD26 in the long run. But, being that she's psycho, the last place my DH wanted to be was in her house.

Your ex has pulled some crap with your kids AND your GF, and you're going into her house, to chat about the deck? Kind of weird.

I used to feel a little odd when my DH would go into BM's house to pick up SD. He didn't do it all the time, but honestly, it's not really a big deal. I didn't go to the pick ups that often, thank goodness.

I think the girlfriend in this case is a bit overly-sensitive, but I think the OP went about it in a manner that really blew things up. If they love each other, try to compromise. Don't go in if she's in the car, or she just doesn't go to pick ups.

Wait a minute, your bio and what you posted here do not jive.

The OP makes it look like you and your ex get along. The bio sounds like you are in a constant battle. So which is it?

No girlfriend or wife will stand for this with a brain; her deck is none of your business; she is your EX, otherwise, you need to be with her....

I do not blame her...you need to decide who you want your loyalty to be if you want a primary partner in life. If not, keep checking out your ex's decks, etc.

OP - you are an ahole. I hope your GF dumps your ass and finds a decent partner.

Your EX is your EX for a reason. If you want to play Happy Family, then be a happy family and go back to your EX.
No, Gf or Bf wants ther SO playing with there EX. And that what you were doing leaving your GF in the car and playing with your EX.
If you want a new person, you have to let the old person go. Not many will except this

dup

My questions ... How big was the deck? And how big is her house? 15+ minutes away?

After reading your bio you are more entangled with your ex than you like to think or believe. And your girlfriend is making it clear she is sick and tired of being #5 in your life. You take care of your children and your ex and put their feelings before your GFs.

No reason for you to be in your Ex's house or she in yours. You got divorced for a reason. Pick up and drop off your child in front of the house. That should be the norm and your child won't think anything of it. Call/text when you are on your way and call/text to let them know that you are waiting in the car.
Easy enough an no hard feelings all around.
Trust me...your ex knew that she would cause a rift by inviting you in! Don't let yourself be manipulated by her. I am sure that you have no feelings for her and on your part it was an innocent block of time but she knew exactly what she was doing.

Good lord OP. You must be the most idiodic man on the planet. I broke up with a man I was with for years over similar issues. Yes I dumped him and never looked back. Your GF should leave u and never return. I would dump you in a heartbeat. If you don't understand what u did wrong after reading bf this thread you will never get it. You are not ready for a partnership with a new woman. Seriously don't drag a new woman through the mud when u have no business being in a relationship with someone. Your GF deserves so much better.

If you left me in the car for 15 minutes to go anywhere, not to mention in the ex's home. You would come out to find to me and no car. Is she a dog to wait in the car?

Just the fact you had to ask what you did wrong tells me you dont deserve your GF. She's not insecure; she has healthy boundaries.

Was 15 minutes all it took for you to have a quickie with her?

"DUDE ! (Yes...I duded you) WTF? You LEFT her sitting in the car while you went into the home of the woman you used to sleep with and then you LEFT her sitting out there for FIFTEEN minutes? Holy crap...you're a f'ing moron."

Not only are you a moron, but more importantly, you apparently also lack basic skills in communication and conflict resolution. It's bad enough that you crossed boundaries AND rudely left your GF waiting in your car for fifteen minutes while you did it. But the cherry on your sundae of ubercrappy behavior is the way you escalated the disagreement. Instead of manning up and owning your crap, you blameshifted and attacked your GF. That speaks volumes about your character.

I hope your GF recognizes that a man who behaves as you do AND has all the baggage you have should be avoided at all costs.

I would be quite annoyed if DH left me in the car and went to hang out w/BM in her house for 15 mins. On the other hand I have been in the ex's house several times to pick up the kids, usually exH is not there and I'm helping them gather things. ExH has been in my home too, DH was here and it wasn't a big deal. I'm sure DH has been inside of BM's house because ss32 lives w/her.

It sounds like both of you blew things out of proportion, but you did start it by leaving gf in the car like she was a dog or something. Appologize and eat the humble pie if you want her back!

1. You left her in the car while you went into your ex's house and shut the door. To see her deck? Why do you care about her deck?
2. You then told her you didn't give a shit about how her family did things. Basically, you told her that her feelings didn't matter.

You're a jerk. Your girlfriend is better off with you.

I read your bio!!!!! You said your ex-wife sent your girlfriend a hateful letter! You said your ex-wife is narcissistic and controlling and you mentioned that your ex gave her bill collectors your girlfriends phone number.

Why would you go inside the house of your ex-wife? To look at the deck is a lame excuse.

It sounds to me like you are afraid of your ex and then justify your rudeness to your girlfriend because of your fear.

Ok, you made a mistake, you said some things you shouldn't have said. I'm not going to bash you here- I'm going to simply say, take responsibility for your actions, own it and apologize. My DH has screwed up alot in this department. What made it right was him understanding how it affected me. Dysfunction is a given anymore in this day- most all of us have dysfunction of some sort. It also sounds like your girlfriend hasn't been married previously? If that is the case and if she doesn't have children, this is going to be a hard area for her to wrap around her head- when two people don't have children they move on and could care less about eachother. When two people do, there is an obligation to the child to try and get along, to try and make things easy for the child- the child obviously has gone through the effects of the parents splitting up. I would also suggest you try to have a conversation with your ex- inform her how you feel about this girl- if she is going to stick around, if you plan on a life with her- inform your ex that you expect for her to be respectful of that and to only involve you when it comes to your child. nothing more. If your ex is a hateful person, you have a bigger issue to contend with. THat issue is trying to determine how much you are going to allow. You can only control your actions and you have a choice when you have to communicate with your ex. You can either go along with her inviting you in, or you can simply decline and pick up your child and leave.

I hope it works out for you, but again, the best thing here is for you to own it, and respect your GF's feelings.

Oh FFS! Seriously?? You sound like a spineless, balless asshole. Shit scared of your ex..or youre still screwing her..or youre still in love with her. Cuz if youre not..no way would you ever treat your girlfriend (whom you claim to love) that way.

Im happy for her that she has enough respect for herself by removing herself from you and your wife..sorry ex (hah!).

Dont get into a relationship with anyone else..just be there for your wife..its what you want, really. Let your girlfriend go. You dont deserve her.

Men are so often like a lamb to the slaughter in divorce. They think if they act all nice and 'let's be friends' etc after divorce then they won't have any trouble. They are living in cloud cuckoo land. A lot of exes want to keep control, they do this through the child and guilt. 'but it's for the children!' :sick:. Men always fall for this, mine certainly did. In the beginning, but then once we married the BM really showed her true colours and he was shocked. If only men would start as they mean to go on. Be polite but set firm boundaries. Only deal with the ex by text or email and just move on with their lives and expect the ex to do the same. If they cannot do this then they should not begin a new serious relationship in which the new partner is involved with their child.

So, rant over. I'm not surprised this happened, your GF at least had the sense to get out of the way after you treated her like that. If you want this woman back in your life and if she agrees then really you have to make a complete change to the way you conduct dealings with your ex. This will cause a toxic storm from your ex. Are you prepared for this?

A while ago, we dropped off SS at BM's mother's house on the way somewhere else.

SO has a good relationship with them, as in they're friendly. It's not uncommon for her to hug SO when they see each other. I have no issues with this.

This particular time, SO went inside her house so he could put SS down and help him with his jacket, umbrella etc... Again, it happens - since it was raining hard that day, I can understand not wanting to stand around on the front step for a minute or so to say goodbyes etc.

10 minutes later, SO comes back out. I was annoyed, so I asked him if there was a family reunion going on or what? He said no no, he just told SS to be good, gave him a hug and a kiss, and that was it. I said ok, so that's 30 seconds... He brushed it off, asking why I had a problem with him being there for 2 minutes. I said I wouldn't have had a problem with 2 minutes, except that it wasn't 2 minutes, it was 10, it was raining (hard) and I was stuck in a hot car - my choices being either to remain in a hot car, or venture into pouring rain while he chit chat with his ex's parents... either option wasn't great. Even cracking the door sucked, because the rain was blowing into the car, on me.

He was frustrated, because he still didn't think he did anything wrong - I told him that they're HER parents, not his, and that it's nice they can be friendly, but that maybe he could keep his social time with BM's family to a time when I wasn't waiting in the car. I told him that if he planned on socializing with his ex's family while I was waiting in the car, the least he could have done is leave the keys so I could have the air on or something. He finally understood that I was annoyed at having been left in the car, not so much that he was shooting the sh!t with BM's parents. (BM wasn't there.)

I've been divorced for 10 years, and in that time my ex-h has not once set foot inside my home, nor I in his. And we're on friendly terms.

Wow, so she came to you with a legitimate concern, this is something that obviously bothers her...and you told her to mind her own business, that your kid is not her kid and that her family is a bunch of dysfunctionals... and you expected her to stick around??

Why is it more important to you to go inside your exes house and look at the deck and chitty chat, than it is to be respectful to the woman you claim you love?? I wouldn't even leave my dog sitting in the car for 15 minutes while I RUDELY went in someone's house and shot the shit, yet you left your GF sitting there.

But I bet you want your girlfriend to treat your daughter like she would her own child too? while in the same breath you tell her to mind her own business and that the kid isn't hers. I'm not a fortune teller, but I can predict this won't turn out well for you.

Your daughter is 10. There is NO reason why you can't call or text when you arrive and have your daughter come out to the car.

ETA: I just went and read your user profile... where you talk about how awful for your Ex is, how she called you so much you blocked her #, then she started giving out your GF's cell phone # to bill collectors, and how she wrote your GF a horrible nasty letter, defaulted on a loan that you co-signed AFTER your divorce...... and you wonder why your GF is mad that you're in your exes house acting chummy????? You must be a special kind of...well I'll just leave that right there.

My ex comes into my house on a regular basis. I often offer him a coffee out of courtesy. Sometimes, I would rather not and it is actually my SO who offers him a drink when I would rather he just drop and run. I know his intentions are not about 'connecting' with me in any improper sense. Years ago, he was still fixed on the idea of winning me back. Allowing him into my home would have fed this fantasy so I didn't allow it back then. No way. We have a good relationship now. My SO is not bothered by him coming in for a coffee. If he was, it would stop unless there was a solid reason for us needing to discuss something relating to our kids.

My ex now has a new girlfriend. Understandably, she is insecure about me. I understand it's a game-changer. I've enjoyed the freedom of my ex being able to do pretty much whatever he wants but now he is in a relationship and I have to respect that. I would NOT allow my ex to leave his girlfriend in the car while he came into my house. Not in a million years. Do I want her to hate me? NO! She may end up being my children's SM. I don't want craziness.

While there's nothing wrong with going into your ex's house for a minute when you pick up your kids, it is damn rude to leave her sitting there for 15 minutes! Or anywhere for 15 minutes while you chit chat.

And then you told her you don't give a shit what she thinks? Wow.

She dodged a bullet. I hope she stays gone.

if I was your gf I would have went and rang the doorbell and told you it's time to go. very inconsiderate of you. privacy with the ex is completely rude. you really should know this already. if not, you don't deserve her.