You need to have a conversation with your husband.

This really should have been talked about before marriage. Lol

Our agreement was that any of the kids could live at home, after HS, if they were going to college FULL time AND working at least part time.
If they did not do that, then they could move or join the military.

There is no set date.

Parents may SAY the kid must be out of the house by 18 and then change their minds.
They may SAY the kid can come back for 6 months and the kid is still there 10 years later.

It sounds like your SD plans to live there for as many years as she can.

You need to have a discussion with your husband, but don't be surprised if he's wishy-washy about her moving out.

I once asked exDH (before he was ex)if he had an age in mind at which he would expect his adult son to be self-supporting. He said that he did. But, apparently former SS hasn't reached it yet because at 33 he (and his wife and son) live in DH's house and SS drives a truck DH recently gave him. This, after DH co-signed for the car that SS's wife now drives. I expect SS will "launch" when DH dies.

I moved out at 20. I think anywhere between 18-22 is fairly normal. My DH was 19. I have 4 siblings who moved out at 18, 20, 21 and 22. It starts to get weird (at least to me) when you're 25+ and haven't been on your own yet.

And then there's BM2 who still lives with her mommy and daddy at 35. And has no plans on going anywhere. Maybe she'll be there forever. Her poor parents. (Who want her gone - she is downright rude and disrespectful to them. But they're spineless so they just take it)

*Don't be BM's parents. Just say no!*

i would say at some point after a college degree. any thing after that is enabling and unhealthy.

i have a sad family situation.

my brother has a son who is thirty and has yet to launch. sons mother was a drug addict and alcoholic and left shortly after son was born. brother has not dated or had a relationship since the son was born.

the son dropped out of college and has not worked in five years. this young man wear his hair dyed purple and has a garage full of musical instruments for dreams of making it big as a rock star.

this young man also is addicted to computer games and stay up at all hours playing games. he wakes up at two in the afternoon and is constantly texting on his phone and playing games on it.

i think its fair to say my brother has created an unhealthy situation.

that said anytime after college is a time to launch.

Worthless user/losers never launch on their own. Decent human beings with at least an ounce of self respect launch as soon as they can.

My brother (who is now practically a billionaire) moved out when he was 17. I left for college at 18 and by 20 had graduated, moved to another state,and had a high paying job - in the days when those were almost nonexistent for women.

Both of us were raised in horrible poverty (not low income - basically no income- in the days before food stamps, or any other safety nets, etc.) It was very important to both of us to learn how to successfully navigate life even with no help.

Loser/users never want to be responsible for themselves. They always look for someone to mooch off of.

Depends of their maturity level and how well bio parents have prepared them for the real world. With college they may technically *launch* but there are summers off and vacations that the kids will probably need a place to go to.

I expected it to have happened by now with SS, but it hasn't. He is 27 and moved in with us just before he turned 20. He does not technically live "with us" (thank god, he is a SLOB!) since our present house has a converted garage that is a studio apartment, but he pays very little rent, less than half of what an apartment in our area would be, so I don't really consider him launched. We still provide his utilities and wifi and he uses my washer and dryer. He buys his own food, but he'll still hit us up for things like cleaning products and stamps. So he's sort of independent but not really. He works full time and makes decent money, and could probably afford to get a place with a roommate. I'm actually not sure why at his age he still wants to live at home, even with the fact that he kind of has his own place, other than its super cheap. I guess it's just me, I just didn't want to be living at home at that close to 30. At his age I was in a great career, living in a very nice apartment and dating my now DH. I know times have changed, but still. He doesn't date, plays video games til all hours of the night and lives off of pizza and Dr. Pepper. None of my business of course, but it doesn't exactly scream "ready to live on my own." Eventually I want to either move (without SS) or turn his place into an office, so he can't live there forever, even if he "doesn't bother us" as my DH always says.

My SD, on the other hand, is four years younger and has been launched for a year. She went away to college, finished in 4 years and stayed in her college town where she got jobs in her field almost immediately. She got a lot of financial help during college (from BM and BM's parents), so I don't really consider her launched then, though she never went home again after the first summer. And now she is working, paying her own rent and paying back her student loans. I'm very proud of her; she's proof that you can still go to college, get a degree and make a decent living if you just put in some effort. She had a goal and worked hard to make it happen. Funny, of my two stepkids, she was the one I worried about more when they were younger, since she was the one who partied in high school, did drugs and got in trouble, while SS was the serious student, never got in trouble, never went to a single party, and he's the one who dropped out of college after a year. You just never know how things will turn out.

Similar. SD went away to college and just in time because she was becoming a huge problem. Luckily she didn't move back, stayed out of state.

If she's old enough to save for a car, she's old enough to save for an apartment first. Doesn't matter if it's a step or bio, you set expectations as to when they should be moving out. As an "adult" now, she should be paying a small amount of rent. And NO, it doesn't get put away and saved for her. It goes towards the household expenses that she helps create.

I would be happy for any of the kids, bio or step not to launch until they are pretty old (the average age of leaving home is getting older and older these days because it's so hard for young people to buy their own home, find decent jobs, etc) as long as they did not cause problems in the relationship.

I think kids launch whenever it's required of them. If launching is not required, then they don't.

We have my SSs EOWE. They are both lazy students and feel entitled to have everything done for them, paid for, for them, etc.

I told DH long before we were married that I wasn't going to have an adult stepchild living in my house. I also told him that I wasn't interested in any of my money going to fund a college experience for a child who was not working hard.

I lived with my parents for two years after college because my full-time job didn't pay enough for me to afford an apartment, but one of my conditions of living there was that I worked full time. I was also told that my parents would pay for four years of college and that was it. I lived on my own during my masters and covered all associated expenses. I did that while working in non-profit jobs that don't pay much, meaning I sacrificed and had to prioritize what I spent my money on. I would expect the same from my own children, so I'm certainly not willing to do the same for my stepchildren.

That said, DH and his siblings were super pampered. His sister is nearly 40 and because she is currently a "student", MIL pays for everything for her. For our wedding, MIL bought his sister's plane ticket, paid for her hotel room, and bought her three different outfits to wear. MIL is also paying some of her student loans from a different masters program she completed several years ago. DH himself spent 6-7 years in three separate colleges and then lived in his parents' vacation home for a couple of years. BM has a spending problem (she makes twice what DH makes and gets child support from him, but never has any money to spend). So, good luck to me holding that line. I still will fight pretty hard to not have them live with us, though. Whether we spend more money on them that I would like will be another story.