Kids hitting/pushing too often, help?
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My girlfriend's daughter is 5 and my son is 3. They both hit way too often, push too often, etc. Some days he is the primary problem, others she is but she is much larger and has more intent / force behind the hits and it's beginning to worry me that he will end up hurt. I know "kids will be kids" but some days it is non stop and I've tried time outs, separating, yelling, etc but am curious what approaches have worked for others.
Some days it seems as though she enjoys seeing him upset with things she says or does to him, and oftentimes he reacts in a physical manner.
Thanks for any help!
punishment corner..... the
punishment corner..... the one misbehaving has to go and sit in the corner without toys for 10 minutes, next time 20 minutes.
I would punish both, 2 corners and they have to sit back to back not talking....
get one of your t-shirts, white one, write with a big fat black marker... "our get along shirt " on it...
they both have to wear it together for 10 minutes no arms sticking out.. sew the sleeves closed
if they keep on fighting and not working together to walk etc.. they stay in it longer
The five year old can be
The five year old can be expected to usually control her behaviour. The 3 year old can be expected to often control his behaviour, but not usually.
This is basic parenting stuff. The conflicts are why they are hitting, but they are hitting because that's how they problem solve. So teach them other things to do when they are upset.
Taking the time to talk to
Taking the time to talk to the kids afterwards (after timeout and when they are calm) about how they could have solved the issue differently and what that outcome would have looked like if they had resolved the issue without physical conflict. You can even try putting words into their mouths and role playing a different response with them. This I think will be more useful for the 5 year old than the 3 year old but it is good to start it with both.
I wouldn't have my child
I wouldn't have my child around another child that hits. Dealbreaker for me.
The five year old definitely
The five year old definitely knows when she is crossing a line or doing things she shouldn't. I see the remorse in her face when she takes it too far. The 3 year old hits and I feel doesn't fully realize why it isn't ok yet, but is starting to. I have been separating but feel that isn't a long term solution as it just prevents it while I'm there policing the situation. I will try the sending them to corners, time outs, and maybe even the time out shirt idea. Thanks!
This kind of behaviour is
This kind of behaviour is usually due to boredom or attention seeking. If it is so frequent there is clearly something wrong with what they are being given to do.
I would stand back and watch them a while. Are they fighting over toys/space/food or something else? Are there triggers where the squabbling tips into hitting?
Sometimes the eldest reverts to copying the youngest because they get the attention, so they begin to act like them.
With the oldest try reinforcing how the little one looks up to them, and that they should set an example by not hitting etc. Some kids, especially girls, will respond to this. Reward them if you notice this happening- this could just be a word of praise, not food!
Try not to yell (not always easy- they will know when you're at your weakest) as this just gets them the attention they have been seeking. Instead look for things to praise- even if it just, 'you kids haven't tried to kill each other for five minutes- well done!' Kids love being praised and rewarded- give some positive attention and you should see things start to change. Good luck!
It can be anything from
It can be anything from fighting over toys, him not doing exactly what she wants, fighting over space, etc that causes it. If they are too close having fun it seems to usually boil into hitting. I definitely think attention seeking and jealously are playing a part. They had already been doing these type of things but when we all moved in together (recently) it has definitely become more common place, but we also didn't spend nearly as much time together.
Her father is 100% out of the picture so I think seeing my son get extra attention is causing an issue, living in a new place with all of us is creating an issue for both of them and I also believe he's jealous because I'm not giving him all of my attention. She has always been the center of attention and I think she's definitely acting out trying to get my attention (she follows my son and I everywhere, almost impossible to have a moment for just the two of us) as well as trying to get her mom's attention.
Even though it is along time
Even though it is along time ago I remember being insanely jealous of my younger brother, we get on well now but I sometimes wonder if he remembers how horrible I was to him! Your SD seems to have a lot of stresses in her life- I would encourage her to 'use her words' to express how she is feeling. This can be done through storytelling too, or playing with figures/dolls. Encouraging children to discuss their feelings is very important especially where jealousy is involved, don't make her feel 'bad' about it but accept it is a normal part of growing up. If she has been used to attention then losing that can be traumatic for a while, but kids need to learn that they aren't the centre of the universe. I would try giving her some individual attention, but this should really be mum's role.
I think if you treat children with some respect, appreciate they have very strong emotions and feelings which they have to learn to express in a way that doesn't hurt others, and give them lots of praise almost like you would when you train a puppy- you can't go far wrong.
You sound like a very caring and responsible parent and I wish you all well.
Try
Try this:
https://pics.me.me/babysitting-i-gave-my-nephews-5-each-told-them-to-233...
Quesiton: Does she hit at
Quesiton: Does she hit at school OR daycare?
What does MOM do when she hits your son.
Sir you son is 3 and your girlfriends daughter HAD to be taught DO NOT HIT.
If your sons bio mom gets wind of this, you may have bigger problems than the 5 year old.
SOOOO sorry this is going on with your little boy.
There was an inviolable rule
There was an inviolable rule in my parents home when my brother(s) and I were growing up. No fighting... ever. If we did it was belt to butt time and if we ever went to blows when our USMC dad got home from work we would have to got to the back yard and fight him. That never happened. We knew better. Specifically... as the eldest I knew better.
Time to cinch in the rules for both of them and get this under control now before it goes too far. If you don't... eventually your son will be the larger and potentially more aggressive one and his StepSister won't like the beating she will get as he enacts his revenge.
My moms method of dealing with conflict was to put whoever was in the conflict in one of my dads large T-shirts together and we would have to hug it out. It is tough to stay mad when you are in a ridiculous position of standing face to face with your heads out the neck hole and your arms out the arm holes and laughing your asses off... no matter how angry you may have been with each other a few moments prior.