I can really sympathise with you - and even though she is being an immature bitch - a little for your SD too. If I understand correctly, she is 28 and you are younger at 23. Whilst your husband is by no means too old to have another baby, I imagine it must feel pretty weird and hurtful that her dad has married someone younger than her. It is great that your SS has accepted the situation and actively enjoys your little boy's company and I would cherish and make the most of that. I would step right out of the equation for the moment regarding SD. Try to ignore it, get on with your life and enjoy the time with your husband and child. Hard though it may seem, you can prove to everyone that even though she is behaving like a spoilt child, you are behaving like an adult and her behaviour is of no interest to you.

I imagine a lot of her problem is jealousy. She has a 3 year old who she thought would be the apple of it's grandads eye and he now has a new baby which will naturally be of greater importance to him.

Let DH go to the party for an hour - make sure you organise something for after so that he won't be tempted to stay longer (perhaps say to him, meet us in the park at 3pm or if you can afford it tell DH that you would like to take your little one swimming or to the zoo or something at a specific time so that he won't be tempted to stay longer).

In the future, perhaps you and DH could invite SD and her children over for tea (if she declines - simply let it go and don't worry about it. You've been the grown up by offering). If she does accept, maybe you could make an effort to get a game or activity appropriate to her children's ages, so that she can see you've made an effort. But otherwise I would detach all feelings and not let it put a damper on your life (that's what she wants - so don't let her win!)

Your SD is jealous, plain and simple. She has two kids of her own that she expects her father to be doting on. Now her father has his own new child that is an uncle to her own older children. Whatever inheritance she expected to get now has a new sibling to the denominator.

She might have known you were trying for a baby, but likely did not think it would ever happen, especially since you had several miscarriages previously (congrats, BTW!).

Don't let this jealous woman steal your joy. Maintain a strong bond with your DH. I would not have a problem with DH going for just an hour. That to me is a compromise. He could be staying for hours; he is not. If you forbid him to see his daughter or gkids, that will cause further problems. Discuss ahead of time how holidays will be handled, because they are a nightmare in this kind of situation.

Focus on your own family. Accept the people who are good to you, such as your SS. Ignore the rest. Let SD work on her own feelings; she may come around, she may not. She's an adult. You owe her nothing. Her dad deciding to have another child is absolutely none of her business. Your son may never be accepted by her. But how much of a problem is that really? That does not mean you are being excluded. That means she is excluding herself from your family.

My DH and I have been married for 37 years. We have an 11 year difference in age. We met when I was 32 years old. I had two bio sons, age 10 and 7; he had 3 grown kids, one daughter 21. We decided not to have children of our own, five was enough between us, from grade school to college. We lived together for two years to make sure everything was going to work out with all the kids; all was smooth.

Like you, everything was great, until we got married; we went to the Court house, no wedding, and kept it a low profile. The day after the marriage, SD21 lost it! She has hated me and tried to make my life miserable since, for 37 years. Like your SD mine is pure jealous!

If you read here and follow this site, you will see this is par for the course. I disengaged from my SD56 and SGD32 (mother/daughter) eight years ago, because it became so stressful and they kept upping the passive aggression. My OSS58 and YSS53 are very respectful and have not been disrespectful to me.

I can tell you what I have done. I don't like giving advice, because every situation has it's own circumstances, not to mention personalities. I tolerate these two women to come visit with DH. I do not hostess them, although I am civil. I do not communicate with them EVER. I blocked them from all social media, including my email. I do not go to their homes for family gatherings, no more than I entertain them in our home; which is not going to happen. DH can do as he wishes and he knows that. DH also knows the reason I disengaged and knows we have to move forward and never discuss SD or look back. I do not ask questions when he visits them, I do not discuss these two women with DH. I nip the aggression in the bud the minute is begins. I do it respectfully and stop all the mind games in their track. I have never, nor will I ever, respond to these women. They continue to be nasty to me and it is easier every day to ignore them. They hate my disengagement, they never thought I would take a stand. In my case actions speak louder than words. They know their place, but with that said, they will never give up. They are wasting their time, because I am so over it.

You have a baby together and that is wonderful, congratulations! Concentrate on your marriage and raising your child and walk away from the toxic people in your life. Do not discuss them, do not look at social media or phones that include them, do not put yourself in uncomfortable situations with them.

When you disengage, there are consequences; like being left out and feeling lonely at times, without your DH. His life before you is a fact; you need to accept it and concentrate on the life you have with him. Let it go and stay busy and have things to do while he spends time with his daughter. Never let her know how you feel. It is very difficult, but it takes time for it to get easier; it does get much easier.

I read here every day and I vent here. After eight years of disengagement, I still come here and have a bad day. You are young and need to move forward, make a good life for yourself, DH, and your son. Your DH will respond positively, if you let go and focus on your life; let them have their life, develop your own life without them.

You can do this if you stay here, read and vent here. ((((hugs)))))

I don't know. . . It just seems odd that DH's wife can't dictate how his time is spent, but apparently some strangers here can dictate what is and what is not an appropriate age difference or an acceptable age for someone to be a dad.

Let your husband and go and don't say anything about it to him. I've had this issues with my SDs minus the baby part. My SDs love to go on cycles where one minute they love me and then very quickly switch to hating me and not invite me to family events such as Christmas and birthday parties because I'm not "family".

First advice I can give you is cut off contact. Let DH do all the talking to her. Block her from all social media so you can't see any fake "family" pictures from parties your excluded from and so you don't have to see her hate. If someone tries to bring up things she has said about you tell them you are not interested in change the subject. This helps remove you from the situation and no one can run back to her and twist anything you say.

Let your husband go to stuff alone! Don't say anything against his children no matter how hard it is and it will be hard!!!! This will make her be the spiteful one. Your DH will not be put in the middle and have to defend his daughter to you. Let him spend all his time defending you! When I stopped and pretended they didn't exist and started doing my own thing my DH had a change of heart real quick. He decided he didn't like going to parties alone and quit going unless I was going. He also had to focus on his daughter's behavior because he was no longer spending his time defending her.

Your husband did nothing wrong by having another child. He will eventually have enough of SD acting like he was wrong for having your son.

As many others have written, better to let DH visit SD on his own and disengage from SD. It is not a good idea to have her around you, your baby or have any influence on your marriage with her viciousness and negativity. Do not discuss her with DH and if he brings her up change the subject. This will allow him the freedom to eventually see her for what she is - a jealous trouble maker.

As far as the age difference, it is very common today for people in their fifties to be in better shape than those who are 15 years younger. Paul Newman and Sean Connery were both old enough to be my father but still rang my chimes! Negative assumptions are like farts in the wind - empty. Enjoy your life, your marriage and your little boy, and think of DH visits to SD as some sort of meeting he has to go to.

An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind. Don't try to suggest that DH withdraw from her kids like she has from yours.

She can have any opinion she wants to about your family. That is HER problem, not yours. Your son won't feel like an outsider to someone who is actually old enough that she is outside his family.

Sorrysod, Your DH set the tone by saying he would not attend events in the future if you are not invited. So, your response to this seems just like mine would be in that if my DH tells me he would rather not attend a step event where I am not invited, I would believe him and show him the same respect if anyone in my family treated him the same way.

My DH and I are just about the same age difference as you and yours. The skids (his adult bio's), have gone out of their way to not invite me and just him to many of their gatherings over the past 10 years. There were some occasions when we were dating he did go on his own. I did not care as I did not want to go anyway. He's a smart and fair man and began to realize whenever he went alone, the skids would trash talk about me and try to break us up. They would make up anything they could think of to break us up and would do the same with the rest of his family. On the rare instances I was invited and did go with him, it was always the same games they play to exclude dady's wife from greetings, photos, conversations, places to sit and the like. As a couple, DH and I got sick of it. He simply says that this is not how he rolls and he does not want to be around anyone who disrespects his life, his wife and his happiness. What the skids have done is to just push him away more by their own selfish behavior.

I did have a therapist tell me that by their not inviting me was a way for them, in their minds to at least, to temporarily split us up. Quite honestly, I am sick and tired of the adult skids thinking it is okay to exclude a spouse, who has done nothing but be nice to them, and decide that daddy is going to their event and not bring "her" attitude. How would a skid like it if daddy had a party and did not invite the skid's spouse and children, yet everyone elses spouses and family attend? My DH and I are a married couple and we put each others needs first. To heck with those who cannot respect our marriage. We do not deal with them.

Your SD sounds like she is way too jealous and needs a therapist. Best of luck to you.

My stance with my DH is that he is free to go see his son and GS anytime he wants unless we have made other plans. Not only do I not care that I have never been invited to their home, I am THRILLED that I will never have to spend any time with them. Believe me it is so much easier just to live your life separate from people like that.

I don't waste my time wondering what SS and his GF think or say about me. They are so totally irrelevant to me. If for some reason I ran into them I would be distantly civil and then remove myself.

Think about it "WHY would you want to go spend time at events with people you don't like or who don't like you?" Be ever so grateful that no one is pressuring you to go.

"I'm 38 ; DH 53."

OP - my BFF married her DH when they were both that exact same age. She'd had a short marriage just out of college with no children. Her DH was divorced with 3 almost grown or grown children. Both were divorced before they ever met.

They had two children fairly quickly after marrying. They have now been happily married for 30+ years. Their son graduated from Harvard and his sister graduated from another top notch university.

Her DH was highly educated and very successful. But she is too. I've known them for decades. I also know two of his older children - one of whom went to the same women's college that I did. We've served on some boards together.

Her biggest issue with the skids has been getting them to take time out of their busy lives to come see their father. One lives in London, one lives in NY and one in San Francisco. But the younger children also live in SF and NY - and they manage to come see their father.

So what am I rambling about. I don't think it's at all that strange that you married a man who is 15 years older and started a family with him. I've seen it work quite well.

OP-

A couple of things that come to mind.

Adult girl skids are the worse. }:) I have 3. Add in the fact that you are younger then your DH. Same here, though our age difference is 9 years old. Then the fact that you had a son, that the skids now have to share their dad with. I brought my bio son into the marriage that DH helps me raise and it has caused issues with jealousy, etc.

You will find though given the age difference that skids may not have that sibling bond and may not be that interested in your child. I was 17 years old when my Dad and SM adopted a baby and while we are legally sisters I just do not have that sisterly bond with her because of the age difference.

DH should go and you should go with him. Why would you abdicate your position at DH's side or he at yours?

Go, be radiant, proudly show off your son and your family and let SD-28 suck it up. She is the one with the issue not you. Let her suffer the consequences of having her head up her own butt on this and help her keep it there until she grows up, gains clarity, and pulls her head out.

Keep in mind that your son is her son's Uncle. That will be fun to watch her fret over through the years. }:)

Lather, rinse, repeat.