9 YO Child who sleeps with dad and overly clingy
First, I am new here, never post about my situation ( I mainly read eveyone else's posts), and feel totally lost on how to approach my situation.
There are my BF, myself, and his 9 YO daughter in the house for the summer.
My BF and I are/were getting married, right now, I dont know anymore.
The problem is his 9 YO sleeps in the bed with her father. I am put out of my bed and am on the couch. He knows this is not a situation I am remotely happy with. He states shes a baby and she is scared but this child is no baby; she has already started developing.
Well, this past weekend, we went on a getaway with her, and stayed in a hotel. She was happy and content until she saw her dad laying in a bed with me ( all of five minutes) which was next to hers. She said she wanted her dad to come snuggle her. So he got up and slept over there with her all night.
I was infuriated. I gave them space all day, I paid for most of the getaway, I planned the trip, and I basically felt like a tagalong to their trip. Then top it off, I dont even get to sleep with my BF in the same bed?
I remained quiet. The whole trip back I was fuming inside. So, when we got home, I left to calm down a few hours. I returned and asked to speak to him. I told him something has to change. He turned it into I had the problem..became hostile and told me to get out.
The girl acts like a baby when she is around him, I don't think she makes friends very well.
For example, my daughter (26) brought my grandson, 8, over to go to the waterpark with this girl and she screamed at him, demanded she get her way the whole time. I had to apologize to my grandson.
I dont know how to even approach this anymore.
If he is willing to become
If he is willing to become hostile with you and throw you out when you try to discuss your issues, then he is not the one for you.
What happens if you get married?? All Marriages have struggles. So does his actions mean you are never supposed to have a differing opinion or verbalize any other opinion than his? That sound very controlling.
Also, If I had grown children, I would never go back and marry a man with young children.
The daughter sounds just like her BD, has to have their way or they throw a tantrum.
Easy. Is this what you want
Easy. Is this what you want in a marriage? If not, get out now. It will only get worse. Good thing you found this out before you got married. Are you living together?
Of course this is
Of course this is inappropriate. He better hope BM doesn't decide to call CPS on him for this behavior.
He told you to get out - so do it. First he doesn't see this behavior as wrong, and secondly he has elevated his daughter above you. Her wants come before yours.
If you stay, please consider some therapy so you can learn to stand up for yourself. You are letting a 9 year old put you out of your own bed - which is wrong on many levels.
Dump this ahole ASAP. You
Dump this ahole ASAP. You can do better.
You are right.
You are right.
I really don't know why you
I really don't know why you would continue this relationship, you are seeing who he is and how he is with his daughter, which is not likely to change...ever. You will always be the tag-along, sweetie.
RUNNNNNN LIKE THE WIND!!!!!
RUNNNNNN LIKE THE WIND!!!!!
THIS WILL ONLY GET WORSE!!!
Yes, RUN. Because it most
Yes, RUN. Because it most certainly WILL get worse. Daddy sleeping all night with developing 9yo daughter. I'm going to vomit now.
I agree with you. When he got
I agree with you. When he got out of the bed at the hotel and slept with her. The epiphany slapped me in the face. He regarded me so little.
I have done nothing to her in anyway to be treated like this and I know I cannot marry a man that would toss me aside so easily.
Obviously, writing is on the
Obviously, writing is on the wall. I have begun looking. Momentarily, I dont have a huge option of just leaving but, my giving a phuk has already left the building.
The more he and his child are gone I am just fine but child makes a point of announcing when and where she and her father are going somewhere and how thrilled she is, and knowing I hear it; like its her victory dance. What a snot! The deal is, I dont care because with her gone I dont have to hear all the fake baby crap she pulls.
I wholeheartedly agree and
I wholeheartedly agree and do. I did know he had children and I did know that they are apart of the deal, but I did not sign up for a child to control my adult relationship.
She was handed that control by her father.
This psuedo-relationship I thought was a bona fide legit one, is over.
Totally agree. I cant even
Totally agree. I cant even believe I am dealing with this BS. I thought my days of dealing with jealous females were over but even then they were my age and I could at least figbt woman to woman ( not that I deal with jealous females anyway because I refuse to sink to catty woman status). But, for Pete's Sake, this is a 9 YO little girl!
WTH? Irefuse to get caught up in this stupidity.
I have disengaged and removed myself as much as possible until I can get out of here.
I love you, Echo!! xoxo
I love you, Echo!! xoxo
.
.
So, sort of an update of what
So, sort of an update of what just happened:
BF and his child were gone... no clue where and dont care, but they did bring food back for her and him, NOT ME, though. ANYWAY, as they were on way back to what was he and my bedroom, Child said was this door open on OUR BEDROOM (meaning the child and her father) wow!
Yep, that's a mini-wife fer
Yep, that's a mini-wife fer sure. And don't think it will get better. It will get worse, even when (especially when?) she is an adult.
I knew thats what its been
I knew thats what its been feeling like going on, but I never knew it had a real name or anyone else was dealing with this crap.
I knew thats what its been
I knew thats what its been feeling like going on, but I never knew it had a real name or anyone else was dealing with this crap.
The BM IS aware, so are the
The BM IS aware, so are the rest of this family, and act as though nothing is wrong..
I did stand up to him and recieved a swift "get out" because I am not worthy to be around his child now; but, I was good enough to watch her while he is working and spend all my money on her.
This relationship is over. I am working on getting out to save myself.
Think of it this way: he's
Think of it this way: he's not available for a relationship,with another adult because he has a mini wife already. Besides, he sounds like a creepily obsessed perv with no idea of moral boundaries. Recipe for disaster for you.
Yes, he is actually her
Yes, he is actually her stepson and they bave a beautiful relationshop. He even calls me MiMi. I love this boy to bits.
Get out of there!!! He is
Get out of there!!! He is inlove with his daughter. My boyfriend used to cuddle with his daughter when we first got together almost 4 years ago. I told him I should go...Because i'm in the way of you and your daughter "time". So I left. He said it would change and she would sleep in her own bed. anytime she would be on the bed when I was there....I'd become annoyed and he'd tell her to leave because he was afraid of losing me. You gotta make him feel bad. But if he don't feel bad...THEN LEAVE YOU DESERVE BETTER.
After, almost 2 weeks of dead
After, almost 2 weeks of dead silence, he came to me and asked me what was the plan? Meaning when was I getting out and how could I have treated them the way I did? REALLLY?
I planned on leaving but THE WAY I TREATED THEM? Of course, the child came home and he ran after her into THEIR room and locked the door.
I get paid once a month. I
I get paid once a month. I just made the move into this house with him, after he begged me to come here, from 3.5 hours away, spent all I had on his child, our trip, so...to answer the question, I am broke.
Before he said that, I was already looking for apartments and planning to be gone ASAP.
I am appalled he doesnt see what he is doing.
That is the plan. I am done.
That is the plan. I am done. This crap is ridiculous.
Run, don't walk, to the
Run, don't walk, to the nearest exit. Seriously. Sleeping next to his 9yr old "baby" instead of his grown-up gf? Nooooooooooo...