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Step daughters are very needy towards me... Need advice please.

Marissa088's picture

Submitted by Marissa088 on Sun, 07/09/2017 - 2:31pm

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Hi all... my boyfriend has two daughters, ages 11 and 5. His daughters and I have a great bond and they are wonderful kids. We only have them every other weekend. Their mom is totally checked out. She pawns them off on grandma every weekend they are supposed to be with her and several nights during the week. I can tell their behaviors are changing due to the lack of attention from her. They are both attached at my hip the ENTIRE weekend we have them. I'm not complaining, but have to say it's overwhelming. I tell them I love them, they say it to me. The 11 year old says she feels a mother daughter bond between us and I agree with her. I'm going to talk to my boyfriend about it when they leave tonight. Has this happened to anyone else? I feel like I'm walking a fine line of making up for their mother's lack of parenting and attention. Any advice? Thanks!

Livingoutloud's picture

Submitted by Livingoutloud on Sun, 07/09/2017 - 10:41pm

How is it "completely checked out" if kids live with her. Dad only sees them two weekends a month but mom checked out? Makes no sense

I don't see how seeing grandma is that big of a deal. If dad wants to see kids more he could ask for more custody. You are a gf. Not mom and not SM. Don't overdo it.

Acratopotes's picture

Submitted by Acratopotes on Mon, 07/10/2017 - 2:17am

start telling them ASK YOUR DAD.... slowly disengage, you are not their mother and you never will be... round about age 13 BM will suddenly play good mum and those same good girls will turn into evil brats screaming at you - you can't tell me what to do you are not my mother

SM12's picture

Submitted by SM12 on Mon, 07/10/2017 - 12:50pm

Been there done that. I had a similar relationship with my former SD. From the moment we met, we were very close. She loved me and I loved her. BM was not stable in the slightest and gave DH full custody when SD was 10. She then was out of her life for 5 years. BM came back for a few years long enough to really mess SD up in her teens, and then disappeared again for 8 years. BM Missed so much of her life. But you can bet you sweet fanny the second BM came around waving money at SD, she fell for it. I was no longer married to my XH (SD's father) but we were still close. SD dropped me like a hot rock and took my GS away. I was my GS's grandma for three years and suddenly I no longer existed to them.

Take a lesson from what these ladies are telling you....keep a distance. Be nice, even be sweet with them and do fun things on occasion if you really care about them. But do NOT mistake your place in the equation. You are not the mother. Blood is always thicker than water.

SugarSpice's picture

Submitted by SugarSpice on Wed, 07/12/2017 - 12:18am

you may feel inclined to feel sorry for the skids, but i agree that its not your problem. and it might come back to bite you.

even young children can be manipulative. dont get stuck into their games.

let the man parent his own children.

SweetMom's picture

Submitted by SweetMom on Thu, 07/13/2017 - 9:19pm

Whatever you do for them, it will never be good enough. They will always seek Moms attention even if they are getting it from you. If you get involved just prepare for let downs. Yes, you can be a role model.. there is nothing wrong with that but their mother will always be above you.

SugarSpice's picture

Submitted by SugarSpice on Mon, 07/17/2017 - 3:22pm

the neediness of your skids is not your concern. pass it on the birth parent. getting involved with only turn back on you. your kind concern will be used against you.