I feel like a terrible person
I feel terrible even writing this but it's truly consuming my life right now. Little back story- my husband and I have been married for 2 months ( together for 1 1/2 years) 2nd marriage for both of us and we each have 7 year old daughters. Mine lives with us, his lives with her mom and comes here every other weekend and for 3 weeks during the summer.
The girls get along well and love each other but are total opposites. You would think they are years apart because of their maturity levels.
For the past 8 months (since we got engaged) his daughter refuses to listen to anything I say. By no means is my daughter perfect but she's a good kid and behaves well. As soon as his daughter comes to visit the dynamic in the house immediately changes, everyone is on edge and it's so stressful.
She has had some issues at school because she is behind and her mom has settled on the mindset of "she's just different, she should be able to do her own thing. I just want her to know I'll always be her best friend." She needs tutoring and a lot of extra help, but beyond school subjects it's also a lack of common sense. I feel terrible for saying this but I want to have her tested to see if there is something else going that would explain her many issues.
I'm a loving person and I adore children, but I have so much anxiety when I know we will have her for the weekend. My husband is a Fireman and is on shift a lot which leaves me with watching both girls. I find myself resenting having to take her home or pick her up because then I'm left to deal with her mother by myself.
It is normal to resent having
It is normal to resent having to be a parent to a child, when you are not...Your DH needs to adjust his work schedule according to his visitation. This is NOT your responsibility at all... Please stop feeling like this child is your responsibility and communicate that to your DH, as well...I would ask DH to be home whenever his daughter visits, or she can stay with her mother, as an alternative. You are not really helping him parent this way, though as well-meaning as your actions may be....
As far as testing goes, leave that to the parents also...that is not your responsibility either. THEY have to decide it is needed, just concentrate on your own children-it is better to stay out of Skids area, altogether. You will somehow end of being blamed or accused, otherwise....
This is why I hesitated in
This is why I hesitated in even posting, it's hard to convey everything to give a full picture of everything that's going on. I definitely am not trying to put the kids against each other. I get on to my daughter when she misbehaves and have the same expectations for both girls. My Husband and I make sure to treat the girls the same and try to make sure SD feels like our home is her home and that she isn't just a visitor. I don't express my frustration in front of the kids. I know divorce is tough and a big adjustment. My daughter had a hard time, but her dad and I worked together to get her help when she needed it. I guess part of my frustration lies with BM because she has no interest in getting her any help even though she admits that she needs it.
Thank you for your note! Yes
Thank you for your note! Yes I am very supportive of the relationship my daughter has with her Dad. We co-parent very well and I have a good relationship with her step mom as well.
Exactly, that's what I've
Exactly, that's what I've noticed. There are other issues going on at her moms house that I know play into it. I know this is a huge adjustment for her. She's a sweet little girl