ONE more CS payment and StepDevil's graduation last month
So it's been forever since I've been here. Some may remember me 
Little background - DH and I have been together 6 and a half years now. He has a now 18 yr old daughter (StepDevil) and I have a now 19 yr old daughter. StepDevil was the mini wife type and almost drove us apart at one point in our relationship. She then got all bent when we got engaged and pretty much cut off all contact with DH shortly after we got married in 2012.
Since then, he's been trying hard to maintain some sort of relationship with her, only to have his calls unanswered, his texts and emails ignored and snubbed when he'd see her. We used to live in Colorado, not far from where she and her mother live, but have since moved to Florida and didn't inform either one of them.
While on a visit to CO back in March, he approached BM and asked about the upcoming graduation ceremony to be held at Red Rocks. She told StepDevil and that brat proceeded to send the most scathing email I've ever seen calling her dad everything but white. Said he hadn't been a father to her in years, he didn't deserve to see her graduate and she didn't want him there to witness this milestone in her life. He responded back simply with "I love you. You're my daughter. I've TRIED to have a relationship with you. I WILL be there to watch you walk across the same stage as your FATHER and collect your diploma". Period, the end.
He flew from FL to CO to attend her graduation but due to the heavy snow (yes, it snows like crazy in May in CO) they moved the graduation from Red Rocks (which is a huge outdoor amphitheater) to the Coliseum in Denver, which is a smaller venue. He was able to get a seat closest to where the graduates would walk down and was able to catch her eye. She saw him, her face turned beet red and she turned away angrily. He stayed for the duration of the ceremony and left in tears. Then proceeded to get shitfaced drunk with his buddies.
He hasn't heard from her since and doesn't expect to, but BM sent him a copy of her graduation picture a couple weeks ago stating "Your relationship with our daughter is between the two of you, but as a parent, I thought you should have this". She's NEVER done anything out of the "kindness" of her own heart before.
Anyhow, in CO, child support goes through until their 19th birthday. That's August! He has ONE more payment to make since he already made July's. I can't tell you how much of a relief this is for us, not only financially ($600 per month!) but emotionally. He can FINALLY move on and not be reminded every month that he is paying for a bratty teenager that doesn't even like him anymore.
My point to this post is - hang in there stepfolks! The end comes eventually!!!!
Hey, Red! That's too bad that
Hey, Red!
That's too bad that she is still acting like that but it's good that he went to her graduation. He can sleep at night knowing that he has done everything that he can.
A familiar name! How are ya?
A familiar name! How are ya?
Doing pretty good. How do you
Doing pretty good. How do you like Florida? How's your daughter doing?
DH and his daughter (now 26) still have an over-the-phone relationship but I guess it's better than nothing. She is still pretty much up BM's ass, so.....
It's good to hear from you!
Good to hear! We LOVE
Good to hear! We LOVE Florida! Go to the beach every weekend! We live right on Tampa Bay and have a bay view from our apartment. Plan on buying a house sometime next year.
My daughter decided to move back to MI after living with us during her senior year last year. She wanted to date a guy there and that didn't work out well so she stayed and moved back in with her dad. But she's working and possibly going to college in the fall so that's good!
FANTASTIC! If NYS was a non
FANTASTIC! If NYS was a non GUBM-centric state, the last CS payment for SD 18.5 would be coming up in November! Alas, it goes to 21 here.
Oh and then there is YSS 14.5
I am sorry to hear the
I am sorry to hear the StepDevil treated your DH so badly. However on the plus side - no more CS - ta dah!! We are in the same position as you - DH has just finished paying out for SD22 who is just about to graduate - and also to SD20 who decided to chuck in University after just one term. Great that our money is now our own! lets enjoy
I don't know. Sounds like
I don't know. Sounds like there are two stories here. I mean there must be a reason she is so resentful. Maybe he wasn't such a good husband to the first wife or a good father. Who knows BUT if she didn't want him to be there he had no business coming.
On the upside be happy you guys don't have to support her and it's all over. Actually with the distance thing and all I will bet that relationship is over for good. My sil's husband left her and the kids after 25 years for another woman. Two of the 3 kids refused to ever talk to him after that. Long story, but Sometimes kids are just spoiled brats, and other times the parents really sucked and screwed over the family. I've seen it all.
It sounds like it's for the best and your dh should stop all contact with the bm since she is grown. He needs to leave this young woman alone. If she ever contacts him that will be up to her, but she's clearly expressed her feelings.
Whether or not he was a good
Whether or not he was a good or bad husband has no bearing on his relationship with his daughter...also, he had every right to see her graduate - what do you mean "he had no business" coming?
Pssst - your GUBM is showing. Might wanna put that shit away.
As an adult step child who
As an adult step child who clearly told him NOT to come he should have respected those boundaries. Her reaction was pretty predictable going by what OP posted. No he should have stayed home. Now the ball is in her court, and he needs to leave her alone. OP's dh needs to learn about good psychology.
As a child who was still
As a child who was still being supported by her dad, NOPE...
You're really a BM, aren't you?
also, she is his child, not
also, she is his child, not his skid.
See my tag line
Letting children dictate the
Letting children dictate the actions of adults is not good psychology. And yes, someone graduating high school is still a child.
come on now, moving_on, you
come on now, moving_on, you know that kids get all the say and dads just have to pay up and STFU
Yep. Good 'ol daddy ATM. SO
Yep. Good 'ol daddy ATM. SO has never let the kids dictate what he does and now they are coming back around. SS has to lie about it, BM probably doesn't know about OSD talking to us, and MSD won't even talk to BM.
Of course there are two sides
Of course there are two sides to every story. I'll enlighten you. We met when StepDevil was 12. Dh and BM had been apart for about 6 months when we met and StepDevil thought the world of me at first. Once BM showed her jealous side and refused to meet me or allow me to bond with her kid, things went downhill.
DH was always a great husband to BM (I've talked to several of his friends that have known both DH and BM since they were young kids). They only got married because she was pregnant. BM lost a lot of weight and cheated on DH and after about a year, did it again. He couldn't get past the betrayal so he left.
Once things got serious with DH and I and we announced our engagement, stepdevil got worse. Acting out, refusing to want to see us, etc. She was jealous of me and my daughter, it was clear. DH was always a great father to her. He did all he could for her and even put her in therapy (that we still pay for 5 yrs later!). I know you haven't followed our story but this is just a tip of the iceberg.
He DID have a right to go to the graduation. He is her father and had every right to be there.
DH never contacts BM or StepDevil anymore. BM reached out to HIM to provide the photo. He responded back with "Thank you" and nothing more. He does not plan to ever contact either one of them, but let the kid know that she has his number and contact information and can contact him whenever she'd like to.
I must say that I am
I must say that I am surprised at her gesture. It was very nice of her and I am sure your husband is glad to have that photo. Good for her for doing the right thing....
I was shocked as well. She's
I was shocked as well. She's NEVER done anything nice for him!!
And she's 18. When she get's
And she's 18. When she get's married he doesn't get a automatic invite. Again it will be up to her...as in adult.
and when she gets married,
and when she gets married, RedWings' husband won't still be paying child support.
Nice try, though. Keep going, this is fun
sans cocktail, you are spot
sans cocktail, you are spot on.
It's just that I know RedWings personally and I know the story, so when some GUBM flounces in and says that her DH had no business going to his own kid's graduation? Well, them's jousting words
You're awesome as always
You're awesome as always
<3 <3 I am very happy that
<3 <3 I am very happy that your long StepDevil nightmare is about to end
Also, next time you're back here, you have to let me know
LOL it was a spur of the
LOL it was a spur of the moment thing. I'm bored at work and just decided to check back in. Since he's down to one payment, we're starting to make plans with the money we'll be saving instead of sending to that bitch!
So you're saying since he was
So you're saying since he was still paying child support he can do what he wants?
I'm simply going by the OP's post. She told him not to come, she didn't want him there. Yes it's great he doesn't have to pay support but those are two different things.
He can do what he wants
He can do what he wants because he's her FATHER. It was an open graduation ceremony so ANYONE could've attended. That little brat has been trying to rule her father for many years and when he stopped being her doormat, she rebelled. Just because your child doesn't want you to do something, doesn't mean you have to obey them, correct? Who is the parent?
In MissDenise's case, clearly
In MissDenise's case, clearly the kids run the house.
Hey Denise - my kids didn't want me keeping alcohol from them, but I did. My kids didn't want to go to their dad's house many, many times, but I sent them. My kids would have rather stayed home by themselves when I went on vacation, but I didn't let them.
You are nuts, lady.
Yes - while a dad is
Yes - while a dad is supporting his daughter, he can attend a public event.
I have to agree. The
I have to agree. The heartbreaking thing that I didn't share was he was bawling as he was getting on the plane thinking this would be the very last time he'd ever see his own daughter.
Anyone who knows us knows how amazing this man is and how hurt he's been for years and years by this girl. He honestly said "What if this is the last time I ever see her? How can I not go?"
He wouldn't barge in on a
He wouldn't barge in on a wedding if he wasn't invited. But he did not want to miss a high school graduation which would've been held at one of the biggest venues in the state had it not snowed. She wouldn't have even known he was there.
I understand but it was
I understand but it was fairly predictable. He would be smart to completely ignore her and not play into her drama. Since nothing else has worked..what does he have to lose. She may end up contacting him at some point. He certainly shouldn't take her abuse.
It wasn't like he was
It wasn't like he was expecting any type of lovey dovey reunion. He knew she'd be pissed he was there but he had to make the effort to show her he still cares for her. He's done everything he possibly could to show her every year and this was his last chance.
Down the road at least he can
Down the road at least he can say he tried.
it's very sad and I picture
it's very sad and I picture stepdevil as this miserable, negative person as an adult.
Hey Red, I actually looked
Hey Red, I actually looked at your account yesterday because somebody posted something that sounded similar to your story, only the ages were wrong.
My spidey senses must have been tingling.
Welcome back - glad to hear life is treating you well these days!
Sorry StepDevil is still living up to her name.
Howdy! I haven't been here
Howdy! I haven't been here in forever but had to get it out and this is always the perfect place!
I'm so glad we're almost done - seriously almost done!
She was definitely alienated.
She was definitely alienated. BM did everything she possibly could to paint us as horrible people and lied so much to this kid about her father. Even when DH was able to PROVE that BM was lying to her face, she still chose to believe her mother. It was a clear cut case of PAS.
It happens more than you
It happens more than you think, and can't always blame the other parent. My sil's kids were in their 20's when their dad left for another woman. My SM's bio dad was a horrible drunk and womanizer. She totally cut him off. Her mother tried to convince the kids to have a relationship. All situations are different. This may not be the case here. Possibly the 18 old is going through a stage and it will all change. Again maybe not.
In our case, it's BM's fault,
In our case, it's BM's fault, 100%, Everything was great in the beginning until BM got jealous of her kid's relationship with me and my daughter and decided she didn't want her daughter to be friendly with the "new woman" in her dad's life. She deteriorated the relationship between the kid and I over a period of a few months. It was 100% her doing.
in Red's case, it's a case of
in Red's case, it's a case of divorced parents. And, her husband wasn't a shitty parent.
I think mustang was referring to a situation involving divorced parents.
It's sad when parents do that
It's sad when parents do that to kids. It only harms the kids. My daughter LOVES her stepdad. DH is a great dad at least to her anyway. He would've loved to have SD in his life but well, it just didn't work out that way.
OP- Just curious- if he
OP-
Just curious- if he hasn't had much contact with her and he moved away without even telling her, why was it so important to be at her graduation?
Since she's told him she
Since she's told him she never wanted to see him again, why should he bother telling her he moved away?
He moved because we had the
He moved because we had the opportunity and decided we weren't going to place our lives on hold for a kid that didn't want anything to do with us.
People move for jobs etc. in
People move for jobs etc. in this economy. He's a married man and this is a choice only between husband and wife. Has noting to do with anything. If they lived down the street he still would be ignored and treated horribly. Life doesn't get put on hold because of a angry teen. He extended the olive branch over and over. He has his own life now. If angry teen wants to have a relationship she'll make the next move.
THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
His texts ect. were ignored.
His texts ect. were ignored. Sounds like they weren't talking to him so I don't fault them for that. I'm pretty sure they had the same phone numbers, and could have gotten a hold of them. I would have done the same thing at that point. OP and DH have their own lives, can't let the bm and troubled daughter destroy their happiness and future imo. Of course that's probably what the bm and daughter were hoping, but time to move on imo.
Yes, we can't allow BM and
Yes, we can't allow BM and his PAS'd daughter to destroy our happiness or our future. Would you?
No. Why would I empower or
No. Why would I empower or allow anyone to do that..a relative, ex etc. No way.
A kid doesn't get to decide who a parent marries either. Just as that parent doesn't get to choose their child's spouse someday. Maybe once she's older she may see the light one day.
Because this was his last
Because this was his last chance to really SEE her before she goes off into "adulthood" (although her level of maturity has never matched her physical age and I don't see her becoming a true adult until she's well into her 30's, if EVER).
He's been heartbroken for years and honestly felt like this was the very last time he'd see his only child alive and well. And I think it's important for all parents to be able to see their kid graduate from high school, don't you?
Sorry - kinda OT on the
Sorry - kinda OT on the actual topic but I am going to Red Rocks in August for a concert. Pretty excited! It's about a 10 hour drive away from us.
It's the best concert venue
It's the best concert venue I've ever been to, hands down! have an awesome time!
It's an amazing venue. I saw
It's an amazing venue. I saw U2 there a long time ago. You may have seen the movie
She doesn't know we moved
She doesn't know we moved away!!!
How long ago did you move
How long ago did you move away? How long has it been since DH and SD physically saw each other (not counting the graduation) or actually held a conversation with each other? How often does he send her texts trying to keep communication open?
We moved several months ago.
We moved several months ago. They never saw each other when we lived 10 mins away from her and BM. Their last conversation was at the therapist's office face to face in July of 2015. She told him at that point "I never want to see you again". He didn't hear from her again until BM told her that he was planning to come to her graduation.
He sent the last email I spoke of in my original post a month before her graduation in response to her nasty email. Other than that, they've had zero contact. He's now done trying and will not attempt to contact her again.
^^^^ Totally agree with your
^^^^ Totally agree with your last paragraph...
No, she gets them from her
No, she gets them from her mother. Her mother is the one that will go years and years not talking to people because she's pissed at them. She's learned the silent treatment from her mom.
Emails and texts are not geographically evident. We've blocked her on all social media. He instructed his family not to say anything to her if she asked, but she NEVER asked about him.
He's been TRYING to be in her life for years. He was forever contacting her - only to be ignored. He didn't go to the graduation to make HIMSELF feel better. He truly thought that would be the last time he ever saw her.
If I could go the rest of my life never seeing her again, I'd be fine with that. But him - and I know you don't know him, which makes it easy for you to judge him, but he's hurting and suffering and has been for years over this girl. He tried everything he knew to do to maintain some sort of relationship with her. She declined. What more could he do?
You say we cut her off from
You say we cut her off from being able to contact us? Nope. We still have the same phone numbers and email addresses we've always had. She can always reach out and she did, to tell her dad he wasn't welcome at her graduation last month.
If I were at fault, I would have no problem admitting it. Was I always the best stepmom? Nope. She never gave me a chance to be anything to her. That's fine. I can live with that.
Going by the situation you
Going by the situation you guys didn't do anything wrong in moving. Just because you didn't put up with horrible behavior doesn't make you a bad step mom.
She never gave me the
She never gave me the opportunity to be her stepmom. She started withdrawing from us before we even got married. Even causing a huge scene at the amusement park we took her and her friends to, because someone JOKED about us getting married eventually.
She had this fantasy of her parents getting back together. Once she knew that wasn't happening, and mom got her claws into her, that's when everything started downhill.
Suitable name for you -
Suitable name for you - Troll.
I did not push that kid out. I WANTED to at several junctions in our relationship, yes. And yes, she was a mini wife. DH finally saw that behavior for what it was a put a stop to it. Once BM and kid had their way, that's when she stopped coming over and having a relationship with her dad. I was the convenient scapegoat.
And I did NOT ditch my daughter during her teen years. I supported her decision to live with her father as best as I could. I wanted her to be happy and if that meant living with him, that's what I had to deal with. When she begged me to go back to court when she was 17, guess what? I did. I spent over $5k changing the custody agreement so she could move in with DH and I and have her senior year with us. Oh and we took her to the doctor (which she hadn't been in over a year when living with her dad), got her new glasses, got her driver's license and bought her a car for graduation. She was the happiest I'd ever seen during that year and would still be in CO had we not moved. She wanted to be an adult and be out on her own so she decided not to come with us here.
Wow obviously angry person.
Wow obviously angry person. You're projecting onto someone you know nothing of..probably because of your own circumstances. You may need to talk to someone...
I wouldn't be surprised if
I wouldn't be surprised if Devil SD makes a try at asking your DH for money when she decides to get married. He may have to brace himself for some big time manipulation at that point.
She's already asked his dad
She's already asked his dad and grandparents for money for college - even though she hasn't spoken to them in 2 yrs either. She cut off his entire family and didn't invite ONE of them to her graduation, yet asks them for money for college! LMFAO See how she is?
Sounds like my nephew. Didn't
Sounds like my nephew. Didn't want anything to do with my rich brother until in his mid 30's. Now I believe he is trying to work his way in because of his assets. Sad to say, but that's what we believe. Make sure you and DH have a solid trust.
Unfortunately, it's also a
Unfortunately, it's also a trait she got from her mother. Her mother had the gall to go to DH's grandparents (who are well off) and ask for money for StepDevil's overseas school trip because "her dad won't pay for it". Well no, we weren't going to pay for it. She didn't earn it! Her grades were absolute shit, she'd missed at least 3 days of school per month and well, she wasn't even talking to us.
Sorry to hear about your nephew. And yes, that's likely what he's doing - all for the money. It sucks when people try to take advantage of others for monetary gain. For any reason at that.
RedWing, It never ends. My
RedWing,
It never ends. My own sister cut off our Dad for years when he remarried. All sorts of,drama. Then when he was 86'and dying, she (age 53) reappeared and made a fuss of "making up" with him. He was cynical about her reappearance but didn't refuse to see her.
Later she admitted to me with a smirk that she only came back for her inheritance. I saw the true face of evil that day.
Some humans just have no,empathy for others, but once they show you that side of,themselves, it is wise to never forget what they are capable of.
"Some humans just have
"Some humans just have no,empathy for others, but once they show you that side of,themselves, it is wise to never forget what they are capable of."
and I call those people Medusa
That's so sad I really hope
That's so sad
I really hope that this ends for us. I can't imagine how much more DH can take when it comes to her. He's been in and out of therapy, on anti depressants, filled with regret and wondered if there was anything more he could've done...
I'm so sorry to hear about your sister. I have my own family shit but nothing that comes anywhere close to that. Wow. I'm just floored.
There wasn't anything more he
There wasn't anything more he could have done, sadly. The poison from the poison tree was too tempting.
As you know, I know how hard it is to watch your husband suffer through the actions of his own kid and then realize that kid is a dick
Yep, I know. I still see him
Yep, I know. I still see him tear up when he talks about old times with her.
The kid is a dick for sure. We found out through his dad (who still talks with BM's mother, SD's grandma) that both SD and BM treat grandma like shit and grandma still allows SD to take her car (they all live together). BM hasn't talked to her own mother in over a year even though she lives with her. Like REALLY?
As a graduation gift DH
As a graduation gift DH should do a spreadsheet showing every payment he made over the years and at the bottom have the total he has paid to support his daughter and put it in her graduation/birthday card. By my estimation he has paid ~$70,0000 just since the two of you have been together if the $600/mo was in place the entire time. That large of a number is a huge turd to rub her nose in.
Then put a nice message in the card that says he loves her and he is ready to see her when she is ready to be an adult.
He might has well rub her nose in it since that is what you do with a puppy who will not catch a clue.
Congrats on the fast approaching milestone. It was an extreme relief for us though my wife was the CP in our blended family adventure. Once SS turned 18 we no longer had to have anything to do with the SpermClan. They were a PITA for the 16+ years we lived under the CO. Interestingly they had zero contact after the kid turned 18 and they no longer had to pay CS. Zero contact with the kid and not only zero contact with us. That was the kid's final lesson of just how toxic they are.
Funny you mention that
Funny you mention that because DH is a whiz at spreadsheets and has our monthly budget all planned out on one. When BM had told SD that DH never paid child support, he did show the proof. She STILL believed her mom. That's when he knew that it didn't matter what he said to her, she'd never believe him!
Bursting you bubble.... after
Bursting you bubble.... after the last CS check in August, SD will be calling and suddenly wants to make up with Daddy....
Simply tell your husband, SD will be contacting him October and ask if she can move in....
LMFAO that won't happen. We
LMFAO that won't happen. We live in a 700 sq ft apartment, 1 bedroom. NO ROOM!!!
O/T - RWF!!!!! girl how have
O/T - RWF!!!!! girl how have you been????? you should post an update blog!
OK - blond moment.... this IS your update! i didnt' see the top part, i just noticed a comment... i shall commence to reading from the top!
I've missed you!
I've missed you!
Hey there!!! Oh there's NO
Hey there!!! Oh there's NO guilt about us moving. I mean, ZERO!!
Glad to hear you're skid free for now! Where do you plan to move to?
ok, i've read through it all
ok, i've read through it all so far.
i'm so sorry to hear about all this, although i can't say i'm surprised, sadly. i'm sure you're not either. it just hurts like h3ll to sit by your husband/best-friend/other-half's side and see this giant hole inside them and not be able to do anything to make them feel better.
dh is going through this with oss. over two years ago, at 17, he figuratively said "EFF YOU" and moved in with MIL. dh has rarely heard from him since then unless he needed money. he spent a few hours with us since then for his 18th birthday (can you say 'money grab'?) and two thanksgiving lunch/dinners. that was it. never responds to missed calls or texts. he is now 19. six weeks ago, he moved in w/ dumb@$$'s mom (g-ma, GBM) and dh hasn't heard a single peep. not one effing response. he is 4 1/2 miles down the road from us.
i hurt for my dh, and i also hurt for yours. ((((hugs))))
on a happy note, nice to hear you changed up your location, i hope you guys are loving FL! the gulf coast is gorgeous.
Yeah I'm not surprised
Yeah I'm not surprised either, it just sucks for him. Just another failure in his eyes, you know?
Wow, sorry about your DH and his...that's awful!
WE LOVE FL! And we're on the gulf side