You know this doesn't pass the smell test which is what you are having difficulty with. Your GF needs to be the one caring for her child. Particularly with your work schedule.

Being taken advantage of as a step-parent is nothing new – many bio parents have completely unreasonable expectations about the role their partners should play.

As someone who dived in head first into step-parent from the very beginning (by choice and not pressure from DH), I know now it was the wrong thing to do.

Easing in slowly and setting boundaries early is the way to go as it’s much easier to maintain clear boundaries from the beginning than try to wind back things you have been doing for years. That being said, if your GF does have depression then that definitely complicates matters.

I understand you would want to be supportive if she’s got depression but I would also caution in taking on such a burden so early on in your relationship. Especially if she’s not willing to get help.

Only thing you can do is sit her down and talk to her about your concerns and go from there. Good luck!

You need to move back out. Being pressured into a live-in situation is not a great start. Having your girlfriends responsibilities thrust upon you, is not fair of her, and no, you are not selfish.

The longer you take care of her daughter (and her) the harder it will be to stop the cycle. She is taking advantage of you.

"Boys, you heard your mother!"

^This is about as much parenting as DH does for my kids (his steps). Maybe 1x a mo he will drop ds15 off at his class if I have a conflict or he'll help them fix a bike tire but there is no daily grind for him. DH works, does his hobbies, has his own friends, he and I do stuff together. He's been to 1 of my older sons sporting events and his graduation ceremony in the almost 5 years we've been together.

I work and pay for all of their expenses and fees plus buy all the food since they eat 95% of it.

DH and my boys get along great and I think a major reason why is because he is not trying to parent them or be a father figure. He's my husband and a support person, when needed, in their lives. Every situation is different and this is what works for us.

Your gf is handing over HER responsibilites to you. She has a daughter and needs to grow up and parent. Staying up all night to text is very teenage behavior and you are having to pick up her slack. Just stop doing it. She needs to give her kid a bath. She needs to drive her to school, she needs to cook for her... Stop enabling, rescuing, and doing everything for her. Your relationship sounds like a one way street. Someone suggested moving out, excellent advice since your gf is obviously not mature enough to parent or handle a grown up relationship.

This is a recipe for resentment. And I say this because I was in your exact shoes 3 years ago. My husband, then boyfriend, was dealing with a lot of depression and it resulted in me taking over the brunt work of parenting his toddler. Once I was busy enough with her that my life was literally work and parent a child who's not mine, that was it, I started getting pretty depressed, too. It's not a good situation and you need to get out of it, for the health of your relationship and your relationship with her child. You WILL resent this child. After enough nights of having to say "no I can't go out I have to take care of XYZ" or "no I don't have hobbies I spent all my time working and caring for XYZ" you will hate the situation you're in lol.

You just inherited TWO kids (GF and her daughter). Move right back out, pronto!

When my DH and I moved in together, I did everything for my BS. I would do all drop off's, pick up's dinner, laundry...everything. DH would offer to help at times which was nice, but I never expected him to do anything. DH ended up taking BS to school most days because he was taking the SS's as well and they were going to the same place. I even told DH he didn't have to do that and that I would take BS myself.

However, on the flip side, I am expected to do everything for my SS's as if I were their bio. I was being treated as the nanny, chef, maid....
I finally stopped doing it. I started making DH step up and handle his own kids. It took a bit but he finally realized if he didn't do it, it wasn't getting done. I don't mind helping on occasion but I am not the primary caregiver for his kids.

Stop responding to her overnight texts. Tell her you are at work and can't answer. Also tell her you need her to get on a normal sleep schedule so a)she can feel better b) the child can be properly looked after.

If you see no improvement tell her you're out. I would not want to have a 4 year old unsupervised in my home for several hours a day. That is courting disaster. And when it happens, there will be authorities and investigations and utter nightmare.

Tell her you won't be part of it. You're moving on.

I hate to have to say this but please rethink being involved with bathing the little girl. It's kind of you to want to see her taken care of, but you could be putting yourself at risk for future accusations of inappropriate behavior. I'm NOT implying there is anything bad in your intentions, but these things have a way of raising eyebrows and causing trouble in the most unexpected ways. If she was your bio daughter it would be different.

You need to protect yourself.