Yep, I would. In a fraction of a second.

Neither of us defends the other to anyone because neither of us tolerate others treating our partner with anything other than complete respect.

Everyone in our lives knows the rules and with the exception of the SpermClan we have never had to explain the rules to anyone. The SpermClan... we just beat them into submission over the 16+ years of the CO. We tolerated no crap from them and if they so much as poked their noses out from under the slime covered rock they lived under at the bottom of their shallow and polluted gene pool we would beat the snot out of them legally, financially, socially.... using whatever tool was available within the law.

And... I for one had a lot of fun doing it. }:)

"Would it do it again?"

Yes, I would. With no hesitation.

For the most part, being a SM has been a pretty good experience. And the not so great parts were basically the same as the not so great parts of simply being a parent and having bio-children period.

But the longer I've been here and the more stories and situations from other SMs I read, I do think my 'key' (if you will) has been there is and never was a BM in my life, nor a bio-dad in Dh's life (for my one 'my child' that I brought with me to the relationship). It has always been Dh, me and all the kids.

No court drama, no CS, nobody playing games and/or PAS'ing kids.

Yep, in a heart beat. Don't even have to think about it.

I absolutely would. We've had some ups and downs over the years, but the good far outweighs any bad times we've had. Our fights were only about the kids. The boys are grown and have their own place, and both girls are 17 and will be seniors next school year. My DH has always put me first and doesn't let anyone (even my own mother) show disrespect towards me.

Definitely not. I love my DH and can't imagine life without him after 11 years together but I honestly had no idea what I was getting into and how unbelievably hard it would be (still is). It's a life full of stress, sacrifice and loss and not what I would have chosen for myself had I known.

Like you Melissa, the main issue for me is my SD 12 - I just can't stand her. Everyone struggles with her and finds her behaviour disappointing but DH and have that biological bond to get them through whereas I just hate her for how hard she makes my life.

In a nano-second. DH had been divorced from BM for a years and years. His parents were deceased long before I met him. His siblings and their spouses are terrific people. SS31 was grown and out of the home before I met DH so I never had to live with him.

But most importantly my DH has been totally supportive. He ASKED when we were first together if I could try to accept his son (being aware of his many issues). But he never DEMANDED it. And when I came to the decision that SS could not be in my life at all DH has respected that.

I just wish SS had never been born. He's a POX on society.

Nope. I would keep on walking when he flashed those dimples at me. I am 33 he is 41 and SS is 21. I feel like I am too young to be dealing with these kind of issues. The disrespect, jealousy, violence..yes violence. I would not wish my situation on my worst enemy. I have been with DH since I was 22 years old and his son still won't accept the fact that his parents are never getting back together. BM was married with 2 kids when I met DH. SS tried to treat SF the same way which is why when SS was 16 DH sued for custody buying into SS BS that he was being mistreated.Nope I would not do it again.

i have only two words about marrying a divorce man with kids: hell no. the cost has been too much for my mental health, and once the skids became adults they moved into a place over me in his life. i was only a place holder in his life while skids were away being raised by bm.

I usually would say yes, but am having a 'no' day today....

Nope. I feel very disappointed with this life. I don't handle drama or conflict well. I'm not cut out for steplife.

I'll answer your question after DH's birthday and Father's Day is behind me. They happen to be on the same day this year.

Today, No.
Tomorrow Maybe
Most of the time Yes.

Today is a "yes" for me, but I would still tell all my friends "Fu€k no!" if they told me they were dating a man with kids. My life isn't bad at this particular moment but I'm not where I planned to be or doing what I thought I would. I think if I could change something I probably would have kept my relationship with DH a secret for longer; I wish I would have picked up on how crazy BM truly was in the beginning so I could keep myself away from her drama.

Yes, but I have a DH who supports me and backs me up. Then again with SD12, I'm about to enter the teenager zone! My answer may change in the next couple of years.

I would say yes now.....but several years ago....NO!

We had a huge fallout with my husband's family because I refused to be doormat. I refused to be the SM who was going to take the back burner and hand everything to my SD. I run a tight ship and no one is a special snowflake. SD used my sister in laws to start a smear campaign against me when she was 16 and it really backfired because they have now disowned her at 24. I just wished I was smarter at the time and cracked some skulls.

We have a great family life now that she's grown and out on her own. Her moving back to our state will test this, but I'm no pushover and will be making sure she understands her half siblings have a right to grow up and not be disrupted by her needy, clingy crap.

YEs I would date a man with children again, no problem there.... but from day one I will be disengage from his brats,
I will not allow my motherly instinct to kick in...

I will look at the situation and if it does not suit me, ya know him being a guilty Disney Daddy, I will leave the relationship..... cause I value myself more then any man

At this moment - yes.

BabyD is in my life because of my relationship with my husband. There is no take backs. The gift of my daughter from my husband is beyond price or measure.

If I could go back, I would probably still be with DH but I would not have moved. When he asked my opinion about changing jobs, I would have said No or find a job in the same city. I would have kept my home and lived there and he could have stayed at his moms when it was time to visit the SS's. Then I would be totally separate from them.

Yep.

If I knew what I know now, though, I would have snagged my DH before BM did LOL we were friends for a while before they even met, and drifted apart once they met/he had SD, so I would have totally gotten to him first if I knew But in reality, I would do it all over again - SD included. I probably would have slowed down and not rushed into living together, though.

No. This whole experience has aged me and I wasted my 20s away with more drama baggage than an airport.

The only good thing I have out of this is our baby.

absof*ckinglutely. but there are things i wish i'd handled differently that i wish i could change, but YES. i absolutely WOULD make the same choice to marry him. that's been my same answer for nine years. things are not always easy, neither he nor i are perfect, but there's no one else on this planet whose side i'd rather be by every day for the rest of our years.

I have received so much insight reading the stories on ST. I feel lucky and blessed and like I have nothing to complain about. That said, feelings come up, stuff come up and it's just good to read that sometimes I AM validated in feeling how I do at least. Even when things are good, it's a challenge. Even with adult SKs. So, I give you all credit who have done it during the co-parenting years. Not sure I would have had it in me.

So my answer is yes, but then -- my husband is THE love of my life. He calls me his favorite, he always makes me feel special, cared for and respected/loved. In front of his kids, friends, family, co-workers, same wonderful treatment. He doesn't have to put his kids "first" - he is just "dad" to them. I am a priority, they are too, and he juggles it/handles it with care and respect. There isn't a war. It's not me against them. I make it clear to them I love, first and foremost, being married to their dad. I am glad to get to know them, become friends, etc. but my marriage is the reason I am in this mix of people at all. My husband feels the same and backs that up with consistent action. I appreciate him so much after reading on these boards. Not saying this to make others feel bad -- I just realize how lucky I am.

Also want to say to those in the early years - hopefully you can stay a united front and make it through the difficult years with kids. Wishing you the best!

There are a lot of days I would say no. But one thing this life has done is made me face up to my own issues, having come from an emotionally abusive childhood myself. I just wish I had had the courage to face it a few years earlier. I ignored many red flags suggesting the enmeshment between DH and YSD. He is estranged from OSD who finally told him to get lost after we got married. This after contacting him sporadically when she needed money. I've only met her once and she wouldn't look me in the eye or acknowledge my presence. It's not hard to figure out there was extreme triangulation going on between BM + OSD and DH + YSD in the first marriage. A pattern that continued into our relationship. I now realize I was not ready for another relationship though it had been about 10 years since my divorce. The only reason I stuck it out was that he did acknowledge there was a problem ,though kept repeating the same behaviors. There are other differences we have that are not helping, that I don't want to go into now. Despite all that, YSD22 and I, and DS26 all get along reasonably well.

I really think that if I had been more emotionally healthy I would have broken it off early on. But I am getting healthier with CODA meetings and meditation, and establishing boundaries for myself.

No. I have been with my DH for 5 years, married 2 years ago. We have yet to live together because of teenage SS, who does not like me. It's been a lonely, heartbreaking experience,

As much as I love him, No.

I would never do this to myself again

As much as I love him, No.

I would never do this to myself again

No. I still love dh very much but if I had the chance to go back I would've walked away the moment I found out about his kids... I wish I had known this then, my life is so much harder than what I have imagined it to be. I was young and beautiful and had a great start to my career, I shouldn't have married an old guy with 4 kids and brought all this mysery upon myself...

I ask myself this often. I do love my DH very much. It's all the extra that's not so great. I've gone through periods of time where my own children quit talking to me because I remarried. None of the kids blend so there is always stress especially if my kids come into town a weekend we have the skids. I'm expected to go to all skids activities and BM and her family make me feel sub par. BM keeps ruining DH's credit but he won't say a word to her. Skids are perfect so I'm not allowed to ask them to do anything at our house. The one thing I think I'm most disappointed in is feeling first. You definitely feel second marrying someone with an ex and kids. Even though my first marriage wasn't good I miss not "competing" for time all the time.

I would echo what Evil3 said, as I have experienced something broadly similar. I had a horrendous decade with NPD BM and the SKIDs, but mostly it was because I was willing to put up with being treated like sh1t. I wouldn't now - I have changed a LOT - and boundaries are now my friend. I do not fear the 3 witches going forward.

i have only two words for my answer, and since st wont take short answers:

hell no.

No I would not. I would have listened to everyone's advice and not become a SM. It is so hard, especially when everything is so one-sided.

Who wants their ex husband back? not me for sure, thanks }:)

After all the aggravation I have been through (years of it) and continue to go through. No I would not do it again. Had so many discussions with the DH to try to make things better yet nothing really changes. I feel like I have aged 10 years very quickly. I am exhausted, mentally & emotionally drained and have had enough.

In a heartbeat. What I would NOT do is try to be a stepmother. I would have kept my distance from the skids and treated them like 5th cousins I see every 853 years. Polite, but impersonal.