14 year old SS crying for no reason
Im hoping somebody here can help me better understand or give me some insight into why SS cries when someone corrects him. Usually nobody is raising their voices, hes not even in trouble we will just tell him to stop something or ask him a simple question about his behavior and he cries.
Today I politely asked him to look at people when they are talking because its not respectful to play with things and look down. He just bursted out into tears, so I stopped and asked him why he was crying and he said "because you told me that I wasn't listening". But what I actually said is that when he isn't giving someone his full attention it can come off as though he isn't listening. I was not bothered at all by his answer I was more so curious why he cried about it.
This is not the first time either, he has cried about very small things like one time he cried because he forgot to put pepper in his food and another time he cried because he forgot to put mustard on his hot dog. I know that as a teenager they are experiencing changes in more than one way, but sometimes its too much. I have asked him if their is anything more he needs to say and he says no. His dad has also asked him in private the same thing but again nothing. When he was seeing a counselor nothing was said. I just cant wait for the phase to pass...
Sounds like someone is
Sounds like someone is nagging him and he wishes you'd lighten up. Sounds like tears of frustration...he probably wants to tell you to back off, but instead is holding it in. Your comment about "he forgot to put mustard on his hotdog" ... Says a lot... Wtf? If someone is beefing on him about such trivialities no wonder he feels henpecked.
Let him be his own person. If he doesn't look when you speak to him, perhaps he wishes you'd just leave him in peace.
I actually sounds nothing at
I actually sounds nothing at all like you described.
In no way shape or form was I
In no way shape or form was I nagging him. I asked him politely why he was crying and then I briefly told him why I told him that. After this I let him know nobody was upset with him and then left him alone. So the times he has cried its never been because of nagging at all
My kid use to be like this
My kid use to be like this age 13/14 - hormones causing it lol.... they get over it you just have to stay normal
but that was years ago, maybe it would be worth finding out if he is being bullied....
I've found myself being not
I've found myself being not able to smoothly follow across one blog/post to the next when it comes to yours. You mentioned on the blog side a couple days ago "Since then I don't tell his kids much nor am I around them often anymore".
Yet on the forum side you've had these last two posts suggesting you see and are involved quite a lot with the child. You also stated last September about the troubles SS has with his education, being placed in a setting geared toward ADD/ADHD but added the child doesn't have either.
And then I read all the things you've stated on this child's distraction in settings, appearing to not be listening to you, forgetting small simple things like garnishments on his food. Having to be reminded and regularly told to do his chores and tasks.
On the blog side it was facebook comment MIL objected to , on this forum side you're talking MIL believing you said your SS is stupid. ( as an aside, if the woman living with my son had been physically abusive to him and believed my grandchild was plain stupid, I wouldn't want to contact and be friendly with my son's partner either)
You're making my head spin. What type of counseling has SS been to? What was he in counseling for? Is he still attending? Who directly confirmed there is absolutely no ADD/ADHD going on with this kid or perhaps another yet to be diagnosed disorder? How often does the child come to his father's and how involved or uninvolved are you on a daily basis with this kid?
My apologies if I haven't
My apologies if I haven't been too clear, in fact just yesterday I was thinking maybe I should do an update on this whole situation because from last year to now a lot has changed!
I will write a new blog today that way it can make more sense, because it is hard to understand from just reading my posts. Thank you!
My boyfriends daughter will
My boyfriends daughter will do this sort of thing too. She's much younger though only 7. During story time if she gets hung up on a word I can see her get frustrated. No amoumt of positive feed back or gentle help works.
We were reading once and she got stuck on the word though. O helped her the first time letting her know it was a really hard word and she was doing really good. She kept saying throw. Every time she'd stop and get upset. I tried staying really positive until she finally balled up in a corner on the couch and wouldn't talk to me. I got my boyfriend to talk to her. Half an hour later she admited it was just messing up the word.
This is just one example of why were working so hard to get her in to speak with a therapist. If she makes any mistake we worry she will melt down. Not throwing a fit but she seems so defeated.
I asked boyfriend to make sure it's not just me she's extra sensitive with and she does the same for him and her grandmother but oddly enough mom doesn't seem to have this issue.
She's cried over messing up while reading, cried because her bouncy ball turned out the 'wrong color', and when dad verbally corrected her for pushing her bother while they raced down the stairs. There are other events too but these I remember well.
My point is sometimes there's more than you know going on. Please seek help. We really want to get her in with a therapist but BM is withholding the information we need. Plus they live with her primarily and she 'just doesn't see the problem.' Like your 7 year old breaking down into a half hour balling session over 'though' isn't a problem?
I think also whats hard about
I think also whats hard about that age is trying to get the child to explain why they do things (such as cry for small reasons). It can be hard to hold a conversation. I hope it gets easier for you two and hopefully it passes as her being 7
My BS used to do this as
My BS used to do this as well. Anytime he was in big trouble he would burst into tears. Even as a teen. He was this 6 foot tall jock who was a guy's guy but would burst into tears when in big trouble. I never understood it. DH and I would never let it keep us from punishing him. We would just wait for him to calm down and then proceed to talk to him calmly and firmly. He did grow out of this when he went to bootcamp..hahaha. He is a great kid with a big heart.
My YSS is the same exact way. The first sign of punishment and he bawls like a baby. But he is 10 so we are working on breaking him of that.
Some kids are just like that. I don't think it is a major issue unless there are signs of depression or something similar.
Thank you for the insight!
Thank you for the insight!
Ive always thought SS is smart especially if he really likes to do it. He will put 100% effort into it which will then excite me. I will consider what you said the next time this happens...I appreciate it!
For my SS it was a mixture of
For my SS it was a mixture of manipulation and BM infantizing him to the point where in first grade he would look at you dumbstruck when you told him to grab his own drink out of the fridge and demanded to be carried around like a baby everywhere. DH finally saw it and stopped feeding into it when the kid started crying when asked what he wanted on his sandwhich at Subway. Some public humiliation is what it took for him to actually parent. It's amazing, how now he's capable of age appropriate tasks and thinking without having a meltdown over what kind of bread he wants.
Oh my gosh yes the struggle
Oh my gosh yes the struggle is real!!!