SS 20 no work,lazy,video games..
I haven't posted on here for quite some time.(over a year in half) however my situation with my spouses step son has caused a lot of frustration for the both of us.
My spouse has a 20 year old step son from a previous relationship long ago. He helped take care of his ex girlfriends two children and continued to be semi involved even after they broke up . The step kids were teenagers (13&14). My spouses step son moved in with us three years ago after he graduated from grade 12. I believe it was suppose to be a temporary thing as he had a great paying job offer through his mothers family in another town. He didn't take the offer after all and came back and continued to stay with us.
Well my spouse and I both have had enough the past year. He's a good kid, but he has no motivation to do anything. Work is not a priority, videos games are. He does not help out at all around the house and he sleeps all day and is up all night. His room has an incredibly awful smell from being dirty and he does not do laundry regularily. The stench from his room trickles up the stairs. He also leaves all his dirty dishes in his room which eventually collect mold if not washed. My spouse has mentioned his disgusting smell, but SS does not seem to care at all. I have seen lazy, but he tops it off by far. He has a part time job and pays my spouse money each month however it is low and everything is included. people have mentioned that room and board is a lot more than what he is paying. Also his internet,cable and food is included. We cook all the meals. I am getting tired but more fed up with the situation. My spouse and I talked 5 months ago about giving him a 1 years notice. That changed two months ago when things became really frustrating with his behaviour around the house and my spouse was getting upset with him regularly. Cooking and making noise at 4am,became an every night thing for the past two months now. We decided 6 months notice, and the step son did not seen happy that he needs to find another place to live or he will need to move with his
Mother in the town she lives in. My spouse also told him to pick up more work so he can save to move out and buy things. The past month he has barely worked ! He stays up all night making noise with video games, cooking doing laundry between 3-4am and just very careless with not respecting adults are sleeping that wurk, and also my two young children are trying to sleep. I don't think ss is doing it deliberately cuz he's angry just that he's always been this way but lately the obsession with video games has gone to far. I'm done. I have asked my spouse to shorten from 6 months to 4. My spouse feels bad, and his family think otherwise -that the ss needs to stay with is cuz he won't make it on his own. We have been talked to about this 'millennial' generation which I think is bullshit it does not give people excuses to let teens or young adults live like this.
I am also pregnant and due in 5 months. The pregnancy had me on bed rest for awhile which my spouse was doing everything in our home and with my kids and his SS laziness was really getting to my spouse.
Here's what I'm thinking ..
1. Disconnect the internet and not have it in the house for awhile. That way SS won't be gaming all night.
He will then go to friends houses to 'game' which means he will be less around( internet has been disconnected before) and this time give warning why were doing it. Or give less notice and explain 'this is not working'. It's really hard for my spouse because he doesn't want to be hard on SS .
Anyone suggest anything ?
There is absolutely NO WAY I
There is absolutely NO WAY I would put up with this. NO WAY.
He needs to move out, the sooner, the better. He has a mother.
Again, Hereiam is spot on.
Again, Hereiam is spot on.
First of all, his butt would
First of all, his butt would have already been moved out and dropped off at BM's house to deal with.
Secondly, I would shut off his internet, stop cooking for him and stop allowing him to keep everyone awake at night.
He is only doing this because he has been allowed to act like this.
I don't think I would bother giving him another days notice. I would pack his crap up, have it sitting on the porch and tell him his time is up.
Take your house back. You
Take your house back. You would not tolerate this behavior from a houseguest, so no reason to tolerate it from SS. He has WAY too much power. No reason at all for SS to change his behavior because it's working mighty well for him.
Lay out the new rules, and consequences, then follow through. If he doesn't like your rules he can go live in his own space somewhere else.
Password protect the internet
Password protect the internet and don't give him the password. No need to punish yourself and DH. As soon as XSKid leaves to go gaming at a friends house... call a locksmith and rekey the locks and don't give him a key. He gets in only at your and/or DH's pleasure and as soon as you decide to let him in he must immediately clean and disinfect his room or he can pack and move immediately. His access should remain on an at your pleasure status with increasing heat for him to launch. No more cooking for him, no more of him eating out of your family pantry/fridge. I immediately and continuously steps up or he steps out... for good.
He has no lease, he is not even an actual kid or Skid of either you or DH. He is a tag along\cling-on from DH's past relationship.... and he is an adult who should have long ago launched.
The 1yr then 6mo warning to vacate were not the sharpest ideas to begin with. This kind of PITA needs immediate clarity to comply with the standards you and DH impose on him or immediately leave.
Pretty simple IMHO.
As I read your post I started
As I read your post I started thinking about how different our generation parents compared to our parents. I thought about what my father would have done in this situation. Whether I was 12 or 25, if I woke my dad up in the middle of the night after he worked all day, I'd get one warning, that would be it. If I woke him up again, he'd stomp into my room, rip the video game out of the wall, and depending on how pissed he was, he'd stomp it to pieces in front of me, or he'd take it away, never to be seen again until I moved out. And if I dared say a word to him about it, he'd tell me to find the GD door if I didn't like the rules in his house. Was it the right way to parent? I'm not sure, but I do know that it worked. And my dad and I have always had a great relationship. We respected him, and he would do anything for us. But you knew not to mess around when he laid down the law. No way in hell would he pussyfoot around in a house where he paid the bills! I have been wondering about this with my own bio son who just turned 14 & has joined the world of smart mouthed remarks & eye rolling. Do I ignore & sigh and say teenagers! Or do I give in to my urge to snack his mouth lol? What would my dad have done? I wonder how much good our generation is doing at parenting these millenials.
Helicopter parenting well
Helicopter parenting well into adulthood. Can't let kids do anything for themselves, make a mistake or learn a lesson on their own. The result seems to be a generation of emotionally crippled adults.
I completely agree. My spouse
I completely agree. My spouse feels the same way however he would never discipline by hitting. It's not his kid. It's not my kid either. My kids on the other hand we have rules, guide lines, and limits. If they don't like it, tough and hope they understand this well into their teens because I refuse to be walked on like I see other parents dealing with. Step son is not my kid, not my responsibility and I treat the situation as he is a young roomate.