A: Married a man with children from prior marriage
B: Played mommy to your skids
C: tried to be friends with BM
D: Sold your house, moved in with DH and used your money to bail him out of debt
E: Talked to your family and In-laws about what hell Step kids are
Bahahaha!
And I'm guilty of all of the above- except the debt part. DH more than has his s*** together. I did okay for myself there. Everything else including selling my house and moving to his town and the last part about family- worst mistake!
I've read an awful lot about this subject because I have been in this situation twice. My late husband had three children and my experience was different with each one of them. But none of the experiences were great. When my late husband died I was alone long enough to know I didn't like it.
I met my husband now and thought that since his son was older (than my first set of step children) and since he had already been divorced (which my first set of step children hadn't been) that this would be different. It's different alright. It is so much worse.
His son has a very high IQ and I think has some sort of emotional problem stemming from being spoiled to the point of insanity.
From the very beginning he has been horrible. As soon as he found out his father was with me he and his then girlfriend got together and wrote me the most scathing letter I've ever read. They accused me of having an "Agenda".
Over time it's just been one thing after another to keep us miserable.
One night while I couldn't sleep over this stuff I read an article that has helped me so much. I didn't write down the name of the person who wrote it but it has helped me so much. I can tell you what the person wrote:
1) They will criticize you. After all you are living proof that their parents are never going to go back together.
2) They will watch you like a hawk and magnify things.
3) If your marriage is good it will hurt them. They will feel like this parent should have tried harder in their other
marriage. The pain over having a broken home last a lifetime. No matter how old they are it will still hurt.
4) Keep a healthy distance.
5) Don't expect that they will ever have warm and fuzzy feelings about you. That will never happen.
6) They will use all information against you if there is a problem.
7) They will target you to hurt your mate. Anything you say to them will stick in their minds forever.
9) Never over invest in your step children.
10) Once your mate dies they will become monsters.
So, the only things you can do are take care of yourself and take care of your marriage.
This kid doesn't like me anymore I feel because I ask her to clean up & put things away. They get away with all kinds of crap at home , but that doesn't fly here. I'm not their maid ,& they are going to clean up after themselves from now on. I have them everything I could but once bitten twice shy. I'm feel like unless I have something to give them they are sweet & nice or they want something from me sweet as sugar. But if I don't have what they want or need they want nothing to do with us. They get to go shopping,& go on mini vacations with their mom & grandparents & pretty much are bought & paid for there. We don't have the funds to do that so we are no good to them it seems. I'm so frustrated with it all. Makes me not want to do anything & thats awful
Marrying a man with grown children was really not the problem; letting my SD pull me into what she called "a friendship" was fatal. My two grown SS's are not a problem, because I never engaged with them. I didn't share anything with them at all, except their Father; they were welcome to spend as much time with him that they wished and they do so.
My SD wanted to be girlfriends; but that turned into the biggest back stab I could have ask for. Now I am the bad SM for disengaging from the drama. SD lies, twists, and manipulates to whatever she wants other people to believe.
I would never become close to any stepkids, if I had it to do over.
Dewslu - What does your DH do? Does he back you up, also request that the skids pick things up and clean up after themselves,and explain the reality of finances to them? Or does he give in to the skids and let them do what they want and spend money so they are "happy" with him and you are the rule maker?
Not a blended family situation but my BIL1's wife wrote my ILs a scathing nasty letter not long after they married. Now everyone ignores it and pretends it never happened. Except me. I never forget that kind of toxic crap.
I treat her with a healthy dose of skepticism and distrust to this day.
Where did you go wrong.... A:
Where did you go wrong....
A: Married a man with children from prior marriage
B: Played mommy to your skids
C: tried to be friends with BM
D: Sold your house, moved in with DH and used your money to bail him out of debt
E: Talked to your family and In-laws about what hell Step kids are
Welcome.... now spill your story lol
Bahahaha! And I'm guilty of
Bahahaha!
And I'm guilty of all of the above- except the debt part. DH more than has his s*** together. I did okay for myself there. Everything else including selling my house and moving to his town and the last part about family- worst mistake!
I've read an awful lot about
I've read an awful lot about this subject because I have been in this situation twice. My late husband had three children and my experience was different with each one of them. But none of the experiences were great. When my late husband died I was alone long enough to know I didn't like it.
Anything you say to them will stick in their minds forever.
I met my husband now and thought that since his son was older (than my first set of step children) and since he had already been divorced (which my first set of step children hadn't been) that this would be different. It's different alright. It is so much worse.
His son has a very high IQ and I think has some sort of emotional problem stemming from being spoiled to the point of insanity.
From the very beginning he has been horrible. As soon as he found out his father was with me he and his then girlfriend got together and wrote me the most scathing letter I've ever read. They accused me of having an "Agenda".
Over time it's just been one thing after another to keep us miserable.
One night while I couldn't sleep over this stuff I read an article that has helped me so much. I didn't write down the name of the person who wrote it but it has helped me so much. I can tell you what the person wrote:
1) They will criticize you. After all you are living proof that their parents are never going to go back together.
2) They will watch you like a hawk and magnify things.
3) If your marriage is good it will hurt them. They will feel like this parent should have tried harder in their other
marriage. The pain over having a broken home last a lifetime. No matter how old they are it will still hurt.
4) Keep a healthy distance.
5) Don't expect that they will ever have warm and fuzzy feelings about you. That will never happen.
6) They will use all information against you if there is a problem.
7) They will target you to hurt your mate.
9) Never over invest in your step children.
10) Once your mate dies they will become monsters.
So, the only things you can do are take care of yourself and take care of your marriage.
lol. Count me in for A, B,
lol.
Count me in for A, B, C, and D. Only mistake I haven't made is E!
A,b,c,s& E well my family saw
A,b,c,s& E well my family saw first hand what kinda hell it can be
B & E Sounds like I'm guilty
B & E
Sounds like I'm guilty of Breaking & Entering! LOL!
I'm sure you have the
I'm sure you have the handcuffs to cuff yourself. Or rather, for DH to cuff you.
Sssssshhhhhh....
Sssssshhhhhh....
A, B, and E for me... Ugh.
A, B, and E for me... Ugh.
A for me.....
A for me.....
ditto. just A. thank my
ditto. just A.
thank my lucky stars!
This kid doesn't like me
This kid doesn't like me anymore I feel because I ask her to clean up & put things away. They get away with all kinds of crap at home , but that doesn't fly here. I'm not their maid ,& they are going to clean up after themselves from now on. I have them everything I could but once bitten twice shy. I'm feel like unless I have something to give them they are sweet & nice or they want something from me sweet as sugar. But if I don't have what they want or need they want nothing to do with us. They get to go shopping,& go on mini vacations with their mom & grandparents & pretty much are bought & paid for there. We don't have the funds to do that so we are no good to them it seems. I'm so frustrated with it all. Makes me not want to do anything & thats awful
Oh no..... do not tell skids
Oh no..... do not tell skids to clean up - you get your husband to tell them or do it himself...
you never buy them anything, and you learn to say ASK YOUR DAD.....
disengagement rules lol.....
Just guilty of "A" thank
Just guilty of "A" thank goodness.
Marrying a man with grown children was really not the problem; letting my SD pull me into what she called "a friendship" was fatal. My two grown SS's are not a problem, because I never engaged with them. I didn't share anything with them at all, except their Father; they were welcome to spend as much time with him that they wished and they do so.
My SD wanted to be girlfriends; but that turned into the biggest back stab I could have ask for. Now I am the bad SM for disengaging from the drama. SD lies, twists, and manipulates to whatever she wants other people to believe.
I would never become close to any stepkids, if I had it to do over.
A & B for me. Dewslu - What
A & B for me.
Dewslu - What does your DH do? Does he back you up, also request that the skids pick things up and clean up after themselves,and explain the reality of finances to them? Or does he give in to the skids and let them do what they want and spend money so they are "happy" with him and you are the rule maker?
Just A and B for me.
Just A and B for me.
A - not married yet but
A - not married yet but beginning to think this is all a HUGE mistake!!
About to be thrown in the too hard basket.
Not a blended family
Not a blended family situation but my BIL1's wife wrote my ILs a scathing nasty letter not long after they married. Now everyone ignores it and pretends it never happened. Except me. I never forget that kind of toxic crap.
I treat her with a healthy dose of skepticism and distrust to this day.