DH in denial
This summer I will be moving to another state due to family obligations, DH will stay behind for awhile to hold down the fort here and we will be living apart until everything is settled.
I told DH that I don't plan on making a big announcement to any of his family and saying "Goodbye" since I don't even see them that often and they probably won't even know that I moved. I mentioned that the last time we saw ss's family was at MIL's for xmas and before that it was last August at our house; ss26 lives 10 minutes away.
DH then rushes to ss's defense and chimes in that they've been over here several times it's just been when I've been gone. Really, like I run to the store and they're over for a quick visit and nothing is messed up or out of place? Whenever they have been here there is clear evidence of small boy energy being unleashed in the house. Theres also food out and all the animals are in hiding for days afterward. And just a few weeks ago DH was lamenting how ss26 never comes over w/the kids and how he barely ever calls but the instance I bring up how little we've seen them ss is all of a sudden the most devoted son who visits all the time.
Normally I don't bring up the ss's at all because no matter what I say it puts DH on the defense. I thought this would be a cut and dry convo w/DH just letting him know how I plan to deal with the issue (no going away party!) and why but no, it has to turn into drama about how much his son cares about him. DH does not want to be reminded about how little effort his son puts into seeing him...lesson learned.
Going away parties is stupid
Going away parties is stupid IMO lol..... unless it's at some one else' house with loads of booze and I do not have to do the cleaning
Why not try this one...... DH should move in with SS the last 4 days of his stay in current town, and they can have a huge huge Farewell party on |SS money....
this way DH is happy his dotting son saw him off and paid for it, you are happy, cause you do not have to be there and DH is already out of the current house thus SS and family can't get the house out of DH
Ha, this is funny. ss26 lives
Ha, this is funny. ss26 lives in a tiny house with his IL's so there's no way DH will be staying with them, and ss spending money on DH...BWAHAHAHA!!! If there was any kind farewell dinner DH would of course be paying for it, just like DH paid for his fathers day lunch when ss's took him out a few years ago.
Ah yes, because I stated a
Ah yes, because I stated a fact that we have only seen ss's family 2x in almost a year it's considered *throwing shade* even though DH has brought it up several times. Sometimes I forget my place as wicked SM and need to either sing their praises 24/7 or just shut the hell up.
Yes I just want to get on
Yes I just want to get on with it w/out blocks and drama from his kids. I'm sure I'll be accused of stealing their father away and heaped w/all sorts of guilt. I barely have a relationship w/these people (their choice), and the *crumbs* they throw at DH are hardly a relationship in my mind but that's his issue and I want to stay out of it.
DH can communicate with his
DH can communicate with his family on what your plans are. We have moved a few times since I have been married.Both times involved me moving first then DH joining me a few months later. I've never been involved in communicating anything about it to DH's family.
Is DH eventually moving with you too? He may be feeling some guilt from this. The last time we moved, we jumped right over OSD's state to go south. OSD apparently thought we should have moved to where she is and has been mad ever since.
In addition to guilt, don't all these guys live with some sort of denial? Wanting the happy family that they expect us to facilitate. Wanting to be important to their kids and not understanding why if they are not. I know that has to hurt - my own DH has said it hurts him but also hurts him to realize that OSD is not that nice a person.
I'm relieved to read your
I'm relieved to read your comment, thank you! Just like you I plan on moving first, DH will eventually follow and I just want to go w/out having to plow through resistance from his family. He is having some guilt from this. He keeps saying, "I really wanted to watch sgs3 grow up." This is the same grandson who lives 10 mins away who he never sees.
I'm fine with living apart indefinitely. We had a long distance relationship before marriage and now due to my obligations we'll have to have one again. He does want to move because he has more opportunites w/his career in the area we'll be moving too, but there is the guilt w/his grown sons even though his *relationship* w/them is primarily liking their photos on Facebook.
Yes DH did expect me to facilitate the relationship w/his family when we first married and I did. After years of snubs and disrespect I just stopped and DH has not picked it back up. It does hurt him, they do things with/BM all the time and invite her to all the family events while snubbing DH. It would be nice if he was more than a wallet to them but unfortunately that is the dynamic and expectation he set up.
My OSD is upset that DH is
My OSD is upset that DH is not there personally assisting her in raising her children. He flies there a few times a year. He felt guilty at first but that appears to be subsiding. We live in an area with a lot of retirees, thus many many people who don't live close to their gkids.
OSD visited our home in our previous state one time in a 4 year period, and she has NEVER been to our house since we moved. }:) }:) So why she thought we should bend over backwards for her, beats me.
Kids sometimes get angry when their parents move away from the grandkids, even without a step parent present. You'll be sure to get the blame. I know I did. Sounds like your DH wanted to ensure you got the blame by communicating with his kids, rather than him.
Relationships are a two way street.
I'm sure DH would just
I'm sure DH would just loooove for me to be the one to break the news to them, but you're right I'll get the blame regardless. Funny thing about all of this is I'm sure that once he moves then comes back to visit he'll actually see them more and I likely won't be visiting with him so win win for everyone!
Glad to hear your DH's guilt is subsiding, I'm sure my DH's will too since we'll be in a better situation overall.
I generally get little to no
I generally get little to no notice that they are coming over on one of their rare visits. Generally the pets kennel themselves or find a remote spot to hide once they hear the stampede of toddler feet and screams of glee at trying to catch one of them. The parents think it's "cute" that they are trying to capture the animals. Luckily our babies are well behaved and flee instead of bite or scratch.