That was terrible of your wife & not at all helpful. I understand your frustration very well. I have 3SKids & none of my own because I didn't want that responsibilty- Karma's a bitch! Hopefully you can resoectfully suggest couole's therapy for you & your wife so you cue her that the level of discord & drama are not acceptable & that you & she need to work out your strengths & weaknesses in parenting style & not just throw you under the bus. So rude & childish. Meanwhile you act completely yourself around the boy. He needs you.

If your own wife is instructing the boy to shun you your marriage will not survive. That whiny 5 year old will become snarly horrifying teen. Misery.

Hopefully your wife said this in the heat of the moment and will cool down and apologize.

There is nothing wrong with telling a whiny child you will attend to them when the whining stops. It's good parenting.

Others will disagree but personally I don't believe it's possible to live with a child you have no authority over. You cannot keep them safe if they will not accept "no" from you. And you will lose your own sanity sooner or later.

When you have both cooled down sit your wife down and say this isn't working for you but you want it to. Ask her how she sees the situation moving forward. Hopefully you will get some constructive conversation going and an apology and reconciliation. And a plan for the future.

Good luck.

Your home, your marriage, that makes you and your DW equity life partners and makes you an equity parent to SS. Period.

Now.... you can abdicate all parenting responsibilities to your DW in which case you will just get more of the same out of both your DW and SS.

So, I would suggest that you sit DW down and inform her that there will be behavioral standards in your marital home, SS will comply with those standards or he will experience age appropriate consequences for choosing not to comply.

DW has a choice. Step up and get effective parenting and discipline done before you have to, or, she can bite her tongue and have your back while you do it. She needs the clear message that you will not be marginalized in the marriage or in your own home and for damned sure she will never again instruct SS to not speak to you.

If possible some clarification on you comment regarding "Basically not being the worker parent and then having no say in the way SS is raised." Are you a stay at home parent? If so... your DW marginalizing you as a parent and partner as she had done is likely a marriage deal breaker.

Good luck.

This is totally unacceptable behavior by your wife and a horrible thing to do to your marriage and relationship with this child, long term. Wife would either change her tune or she could raise HER child, alone. This is YOUR house too, I do not think her child is paying the bills.

Why live in a home you have no say-so in?