This may be long... but this is a first for me to "talk to someone about this" so take the time to read it through.. I need advice on how to go about this problem.
I have been with my other half for just over 3 years now.. we are not married, not engaged... just dating. He has a 12yr old daughter, and she CAN be the most loving child in the world. Heck, everyone thinks she's so mature and perfect for her age. She is school smart 100%, but everything else, she's probably like 9 at heart.
Let me explain the background. I came into her life when she was 9. Her first impression of me was "Dad she's hot" (she's very vain and will be the first to admit that she would "not like me as much if I was ugly, but neither would daddy"..) and that's all fine and dandy
..and she will tell me and her father that she loves us easily every 10 minutes. Great when you are feeling down, annoying after awhile.. and she tells me I am pretty too many times a day. Some people may think it's really sweet...but try being that person who is being told it constantly by one person. Annoying. When you try to have a conversation about something real happening in her life or in the world!!! Anyway..that's really a minor issue.
She is with us week on, week off..and it's to the point where I get moody the day we are supposed to get her..and don't I get happy the day she is leaving. Terrible...sad...horrible... I feel like such anyway. After all, she is just a kid and how could someone feel like this about a child right?
She has become the most manipulating child I have ever met. When I started dating her father, she never had chores. He did everything for her...everything. I grew up with chores, so did he. He used to tell me, "I want her to have time to be a kid..to have fun" I used to argue with him about how if she doesn't have chores, or even try to learn to do things...how will she have the basic knowledge of wiping a counter clean when she's grown up!? Needless to say, she now has chores... and it was a very big struggle and a lot of attitude to get to that point. But, I was not going to do her laundry forever..clean up her messes forever. No thanks. I work with Kindergartens and they clean up better than she did...without all the struggle!
She does still do the whole getting tucked in at night..hugs and kisses and etc.. And fine, I think she's a bit old for that, but again that's a minor issue. There's also the lying on daddy's legs when watching a movie.. or HAVING to hold dad's hand at the mall or anywhere... or sitting on daddy's lap.. or having tickle fights with daddy's brother or nephew... they feel awkward about it half the time and try to pull away and ignore her. But she goes after them and bugs them to the point where they do it to make her stop.. but she tells them she hates it..but begs them to do it more. She's too old for that kind of game in my opinion!!! When you get your period and start blooming, to me these things are WAY out of the question. Or there's sitting on male adults laps at dinner! Girl... not appropriate! In my opinion anyway..but what do I know, I have never given birth to my own child.
Another issue is every little thing she feels the need to ask if it's okay!! Literally to the point of "can I go to sleep?" Or "is it okay if I eat a snack?" or "can I read?" ...MAYBE I am over reacting to these points but... it drives her father and me UP the wall.
Her latest faze that she is going through... her dad has no idea about. She is constantly making things for dad, or saying she will just do things with dad. For example, there was general conversation with a few people about trips to Paris. And comments of it being a romantic trip. Her her reply was, "I would kill you if you went to Paris without me." Maybe that's innocent..but then it was followed by a comment of normally couples would take a trip there. The comment not even by me... and her response was "Well fine, just me and dad will go." Again, maybe something dumb and minor.. but add the rude tones and attitude in it. She will make degrading comments to me or about me to others...and a lot of the time she will do it right in front of me. These are comments to my family members as well as people on her dad's side of the family. Sometimes even his friends. They just kind of look at me...and I have to find some way to defend myself without sounding like a terrible person. It always gets shrugged off because she's a kid and what would she know... some people have also seen her mean side come out towards them too so... but any time I get upset about how I feel treated by her, my other half takes her side. Regardless of the situation. He tells me "the only things you say about her are the negatives. You never say anything nice about her" which is completely wrong... I feel a different way about her, but I praise her to no end...to everyone I talk to. How loving she is
..how she tells me I look good always... how she is beautiful...how she is getting good marks in school... how she tried something new and enjoyed it...
Anyways. She has become the most manipulating bitch I know, and when she comes over for the week I despise it... I get moody because I know what I am going to deal with personally. If I know my other half will be out for the night and it's just the two of us.. I dread it.. I feel terrible for feeling this way..but I can't help it. I just cannot stand her. She pays no attention to any conversation.... unless we are having a private talk and she says "what??? What did you say??" Or if we are trying to talk to her...she hears none of it.. totally involved in her phone..ignoring everything and then gets mad when we get annoyed that we just explained something to her in full details and she can't recall even a word of it. FRUSTRATING. Just hearing her name bugs me. I feel like my relationship with my SO is great... but because he used to get mad at me for voicing my frustrations with his daughter I never bring them up anymore. So I am holding a whole side of me in that he has no clue about. It kills me because I am one who talks about anything and everything with him. Normally an open book.
I work with children who are much younger than her and have more respect than her
.. who understand when it's time to do things.. who listen... it kills me... I just can't wrap my head around her and what she is thinking. I love going to work because it gets me away from her.. I love when she is not with us... I love when she is out and doing something and not around me..

HELP... talk some sense into me.. give me advice on how to deal with my situation.. I am just so frustrated and angry when she's around, and I can't handle it anymore.