SS12 wants to move in !
Hello Stepparents ! I'm new to this blog and would appreciate any thoughts. My SS12 lives with his mother but wants to move in with us . I have a 2 year son with my DH and love them both very much . I can't seem to bond with my SS . We have him every 2nd wend.
He's not very bright , he whinges and craves constant attention . He talks to his dad with baby talk which I can't stand. I do try but this doesn't seem to last long . I try to be polite and answer his questions but do not initiate any convos with him .
He says he wants to live with us and his dad is all for it . Even though he annoys him after he spends the day with him . I avoid this convo and hope it never happens . I'm worried as he gets older he will want to move in more and I'm worried if he moves in he may never leave.
Don't worry. Unless BM is for
Don't worry. Unless BM is for it (which will mean the end of CS) it won't happen.
Also, when he's there, do nothing for him. And I literally mean nothing. No laundry, no food prep, no rides. That's your DH's responsibility. Dads are typically much less thrilled about having the kids all the time when they're the ones doing all the work. Fortunately/Unfortunately my DH doesn't mind doing everything for his kids, so I have no excuse to not want them here other than the fact that they lounge all over my stuff, watch TV all day, and generally annoy me to death.
Don't worry. Unless BM is for
Don't worry. Unless BM is for it (which will mean the end of CS) it won't happen
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Oh so wrong! lol. I thought that at one time too.
MB and SS have ALWAYS been BFFs. I mean to the point of being gross. And BM LOVED her CS. Very money hungry for years. Then SS turned 15ish and she figured all of that did not matter anymore and sent SS to live with us AND she paid CS. You could have knocked me over with a feather.
And honestly...if the kid is not a danger, you can't really tell you DH you do not want him living with yall. Sucks, but it is what it is.
I hope you're right Willow
I hope you're right Willow
BM has already said no thankgod . I think DH likes the idea but then is also happy to take him home and get on with work etc . I think she does like having him . But she has a new ptr and so this could all change ! Surely new partner would be pushing for more dad time ! Thanks for your reply .
Good point ! Uno I must think
Good point ! Uno I must think this too cause I really do leave most of this for his dad . He picks him up , makes him breakfast etc . I normally busy with our 2 yr old anyway. I do his laundry but only if it makes its way to the basket . I step over wet towels and only pick them up if I have to. I figure he was taking care of him before I came along so he can keep going ! Also I work on the day he comes over so there is no chance of me being able to pick up from school ! It really annoys me too when he sprawls over the lounge and goes in my room lays on my bed ! errrrrrrrrr lol .
This is true downsouthern ,
This is true downsouthern , we don't always get what we want ! I think the grass is always greener . And with dad tits only every 2nd wend so that means no school , no bed times etc . I'm sure he does miss dad but hopefully this arrangement just continues. I just hope BM doesn't throw in the towel one day ! Lol
Do you have any advice for
Do you have any advice for how to bring your feelings up to your husband? My SD (9) always brings this up and i absolutely do not want her living with us. Especially once my husband and I decide to have children. He's never actually asked my opinion on the matter but id like to have a unemotional response for him if he ever does.
Thanks again Rosa this is
Thanks again Rosa this is good advice . I also like the idea of my room being off limits ! I read an article once about a man making it easier for his new wife and he asked her what he can do etc and one thing they put in place was no step kids in the bedroom . I can't stand when my SS comes into my room sometimes with me in it ! Lays on my bed ! Tries on my new shoes ? GET OUT !!!! Not sure how this would work with bio kids ? Cause my toddler comes in my room all the time . Sign it's hard not to look like the dragon lady and still be happy.
Hi hellogoodbyemoon sounds
Hi hellogoodbyemoon sounds like you are in the same boat as me ! Its so hard I feel awful but I guess he knows I don't like the idea. He has sort if mentioned it a few times more like throwing out comments rather than a serious discussion wanting an answer . I either don't reply or say it's difficult etc . I once said it's hard when it's not you're own child . Cause I figure that's pretty open to interpretation ! I could mean hard because I'm not the mother can't make decisions not that I don't like your child ! . I just said it would be hard cause he has a mother and I would find it hard with her contacting etc it's not like she's going to disappear into the sunset . I think it's hard for any female to have another female in the mix even if it is in the background etc . And yes when you have you're own baby you will be full of love for this child and feel nothing for Stepchild . Sometimes I daydream that SS doesn't exist and we are just a family of 3 . I wish I did get on better with SS but I don't think that will ever change . What can you do ? I'm trying to make the best of it . Good luck I wish you all the best .
Yes this is true Rosa , and
Yes this is true Rosa , and yes he hasn't actively taken any action for custody and I don't think he would go to court etc . So may be ok . He and BM are civil to each other and basically set to a shared care routine but are flexible . One time she said we all need to talk ! About SS wanting to spend more time with dad ( including me yikes ! ) nothing ever came of it . But I know as he gets older she may change and say he can live with dad . I have told DH it's hard for me sometimes cause he's not my son . Didn't go down very well . I think DH wants me to love him like our son . Which will never happen ! I think he knows this now. Thanks for your reply