BM + Facebook
BM is back on Facebook after a 6+ year hiatus. Per DH, she's not too keen with the whole social media thing, and the last time she was on Facebook, while they were "happily married", DH and BM weren't "friends" and she was using it as an internet dating site.
BM also isn't a big fan of her ex in laws, but as of last week she's befriending them. It's not about swapping and sharing photos, because they already do that via texts. DH has a sneaking suspicion she's grasping for acknowledgement of her existence, because he interacts with his parents on social media. I don't. I have MIL and FIL blocked. DH stated he blocked BM.
So, humor me. What does BM have to gain by attempting to close the gap we've worked so hard at maintaining? Especially through people she doesn't even like.
You don't have to stalk
You don't have to stalk anyone to see her comments on your family's own facebook page.
Right, we know how to block
Right, we know how to block people, thanks for the 4-1-1 on how to use FB.
That wasn't the question, the question is what in the world would make someone need to friend their ex's family after years of not being married to them.
Maybe someone else in the family told her BM is back and friending everyone? We know because all this sudden she popped on everywhere on SO's news feed and now she is blocked.
This. The whole "so and so is
This. The whole "so and so is now friends with so and so" popped up on DH's FB timeline.
And since the running theme of their divorce and visitation has been "Hey mom and dad, we don't need to set ourselves on fire to keep other people warm (BM) just to stoke unhealthy relations with BM", he asked them what was up with that.
LOL!
LOL! }:)
Well, she said she blocked
Well, she said she blocked her MIL and FIL so how would she know that the BM was friends with them since she can't see their profiles? I'm guessing her husband told her?
I would, personally, block people first and explain later. Block anyone that is a mutual friend of BM's. And then later explain to them that you are concerned about BM invading your privacy. If they offer to block BM, that's great. If they get all huffy, just explain again about BM and privacy. Let them decide to keep her or block her.
This is obviously just a desperate attempt to validate her existence. Kinda pathetic, really.
Yes, DH told me. Thanks for
Yes, DH told me.
Thanks for your insight!
We are in the middle of
We are in the middle of dealing with this same situation, BM has now gotten a FB account for the first time ever and is "I love you and miss you" to everyone in SO's family after being divorced 6 years. I hope some of the other users on here enlighten us both. Seems like such an attention ploy to me but I am very interested in others thoughts on this.
I have a confession: I DO
I have a confession: I DO indeed check into what BM and her boyfriend are posting - at first it was because of distrust and divorce proceedings - I snoop because it helps me get a handle on the people I am having to deal with. Now, I rarely check in, but just enough to make certain that BM and boyfriend aren't doing something very "stoopid" and bashing us. Previously, as Ive found, BM uses Facebook to bash people and complain to gain sympathy. My SO has blocked her and refuses to get into it, but once he did due to the boyfriend posting something inappropriate. Speaking of inappropriate - BM ALSO made some rather naughty responses on a FB posting comment I made to some mutual fb "friends". She is trying to keep the friendships that she's acquired through my SO, over their marriage years, and also keep the family. Trouble is, because she used the internet to cheat - everyone in the family hates her, and does not respond. However, they do not "unfriend" her either. And some have not "friended" me. So its weird either way.
In short, YES, definitely an attention ploy, but also a way to possibly worm back into the family/friendship fold of marriage years. A way to say "hey they still like me, I cant be ALL bad".
I've been guilty of this too.
I've been guilty of this too. FB actually suggested I be friends with his girlfriend (who was using his last name on FB like they were married). I admit that I snooped through everything public she had posted since she met him. She is seriously "stewpid" and had posted all these things about him that he had obviously lied to her about. She had posted about the first time they hooked up (yes, it was a booty call not a date) and she said she had met someone great (lie), that had his own place (lie), was a good father (lie), and had custody of his two kids (lie and lie). I realized that if FB was suggesting her to me, then it might suggest me to her so I blocked her.
Ugh BM is friends with my
Ugh BM is friends with my in-laws and it drives me crazy. I have BM blocked and have had her blocked for many years. So I rarely see her stuff but on occasion I have.
What bothers me is that my in-laws want to be "friends" with her and "share" their lives with her considering how she talks/feels/acts about me and DH. With her nasty name calling and saying she wishes we were dead. That is what bothers me most!
BM is just trying to be relevant. If she hasn't talked to your DH's family in many many years I see no reason why she would feel the need to friend them on FB.
Zero- that is what I struggle
Zero- that is what I struggle with as well, the fact that she "hates" everyone in his family when she is speaking with SO but on line she misses and loves them. So weird and even more weird, like you said, that his family knows what she says and how she acts to him but yet they are still friends with her. Blood in my family just runs a bit thicker than his does, we will be friends with exes until one of them gets crazy or out of line with one of our family members, then you are deleted.
Exactly. I once asked one of
Exactly. I once asked one of my SIL and she said "well I don't think it's hurting anything" at the time I left it at that but if the subject ever comes back up again I will tell SIL I think it's crappy and that she's a traitor. LOL!
OSD has posted pics of BM and
OSD has posted pics of BM and I have seen the in-laws like the pictures and it made me :sick: Makes me step away from my in-laws. I really like my SILs other then that one thing so it's like a catch 22.
I really like my BIL and
I really like my BIL and soon-to-be SIL too. Have grown to despise my inlaws because they're boundary trampling, codependent enablers. I blocked them eons ago.
BM hates DH's brother with a burning passion, ever since he refused to shave off his beard for their wedding, which resulted in "ruining" said wedding, so I think we're safe with them not taking the bait.
This is the same thing with
This is the same thing with SO's best friends, they are all friend's with her because she "never did anything directly to them". UH, well, she is an AHOLE on the daily to your best friend and that means nothing?!
In OUR situation, it seems
In OUR situation, it seems like everyone went to my SO's side when he caught the ex cheating and separated. We are invited to birthdays and showers and get togethers that SHE isn't, so the FB thing doesn't bother me as much. But I still wonder why they keep her on as a FB friend at all. It is just me trying to keep the peace, I suppose, even though SHE has done everything to destroy the peace. Things are quiet now however!
You're pretty lucky, or at
You're pretty lucky, or at least lucky enough.
BM was a habitual adulterer, among other things with the police reports to prove it. One would think that would be enough for DH's parents to stand in support with him, but nah.
I cannot imagine my own mother ever... EVER showing my ex husband the amount of kindness my inlaws show bat guano crazy BM.
So it appears the majority
So it appears the majority here feels she's grasping at maintaining relevance and visibility.
I can see that because it's generally BM's MO when she's between boyfriends. But, according to skid, and her going on and on about mommy's live-in boyfriend the other day, that sort of shot down our initial thought.
BM does have a raging golden uterus AND first wife complex (she wanted to keep DH on ice the entire time we were dating), so her newfound presence has us a little on edge in regards to it's just effing exhausting.
Don't think much of it. Most
Don't think much of it. Most exes reach out to their Ex-So's family and friends to try and make it seem like they aren't the bad guy or the one with the problem with being friends with each other. I don't see anything harmful in this. Most people don't want to be thought of as the bad guy. The problem is if your DH's family becomes best friends with BM even after their own son asks them not to.
Now if this happened to me, I would think of it as BM trying to keep tabs on me and DH such as if we have a family night at MILs and they post pictures of us there. Now BM can see who was at that party, if there's alcohol is involved or whatever. I wouldn't want BM knowing our every move but I don't see how you could avoid it now that they are already friends.
Maxwell you nailed it,
Maxwell you nailed it, because even though she is blocked by us she can still see any pictures any one else may post. It just sucks. I deleted my account so whatever but I can see that it really bothers SO and I understand it completely.
That's a valid angle to look
That's a valid angle to look at it from.
I mean, despite the fact that BM is the super high conflict, verbally and physically confrontational type, she's also as nucking futs as they come. This could surely be a ploy to not only convince others, but mostly herself, that she's totally not a bad person. Anyone that truly knows her wouldn't buy it, but my inlaws on the other hand...
While DH's parents worship the ground he walks on, they have THE hardest time ever supporting him in maintaining boundaries from his ex. It's truly bizarre.
Social media has really
Social media has really jacked people and boundaries. There should be some type of list of things/rules of "what not to do" on social media, like an etiquette of sorts that could be provided to people that don't understand what divorce means and how what they are doing by being friends with their kids exes does to their adult child. A lot of people think they are keeping the peace with BM to be able to see the kids and keep communication open but it just means to me they really don't get it.
I think if I was a parent in this same situation and my kids ex sent me a friend request I would respond to BM with a message that explained that while I did want to stay in contact (if that is the case) that I thought being friends on FB was crossing a boundary that would be disrespectful to my own child's right to privacy and that I hoped this didn't hamper my relationship with them.
It doesn't seem that hard to me but geez, what do I know?
Yes! So much this. That's how
Yes! So much this. That's how I'd likely respond as well. My inlaws are on the way other end of the spectrum.
Ugh, that's crazy train
Ugh, that's crazy train stuff.
In a roundabout way, I've already stated this to DH - that whole woman's intuition thing and following your gut feeling. This just cannot end well. There's definitely an agenda going on here, because BM being on social media, of any kind, is completely out of character for her.
Well, it didn't take long for
Well, it didn't take long for BM to show her crazy.
BIL and SIL stated, starting the morning of NYE, BM started posting a lot of bizarre statements on FIL's Facebook page. You know, the usual "I wish I could be there with you guys! I know skid is having fun." Apparently that was enough to light a fire under DH's ass and confront his parents about their engagement with her. He even confronted BM and told her to cut the crap and games.
Apparently, BM has been unfriended and blocked. This alone is enough to make her come off the rails, because no one disses BM.
Where's my popcorn...