Fiancée and I splitting over SD
I met a wonderful woman 6 years ago with a 10yr old daughter and after getting engaged and having a long distance relationship for 2 years we decided they would move to me at the best time to find a new school before choosing her exam subjects
We got along great me and the daughter on her own like me showing her stuff on the guitar, climbing a Scottish mountain and flying with my grown up son in a Cessna
She has always done and got whatever she wants from her mother despite my disapproval without doing anything in return like chores or tidying up and has no respect for the home or any of her own possessions ie. phones she breaks or loses
Now at nearly 17 we have had a few rows about the appalling mess she leaves everywhere....shaves armpits in the shower and bath (and just leaves the mess) and clumps of hair in every bedroom bathroom and landing. We also shared the house with a lodger and my elderly dad at the time
Then she flooded the bathroom by not fixing the shower screen properly and when she gets out just goes to her room to do hair/make up
First we know there is water running thru the ceiling and then thru the parquet floor downstairs and warped the boards underneath
And for some time money has been going missing from my wallet
Upshot is she will not bring her daughter in line and has found a house to rent so will move out
She says she has asked her daughter about the money...she says she hasn't taken it "and I believe her" is all I get
The end of a wonderful relationship with my fiancée....I'm heartbroken...but not surprised as I've been reading so much of the pain and grief these spoiled brats cause
You have my sympathy, but
You have my sympathy, but just some observations:
If things happened in the order you describe, then you got engaged during a long distance relationship. Mistake. You have to live with someone (and their kid) for a while for the honeymoon to end so you can make a rational decision about marriage.
Your remark "despite my disapproval" is key. In the case of skids, your approval is meaningless. A partner with ready made kids comes as a package which one either accepts or declines. It is up to your partner to communicate her priorities to her offspring.
Your SD did not ruin your relationship. Your partner's refusal to defend your interests ruined things. She showed you clearly where her priorities lie. I think that was simply illustrated by the SD situation. You are better rid of such people in your house, because they don't stop being dysfunctional when they reach a certain age.
oh dear another sloth teen
oh dear another sloth teen girl...
next time it happens, simply call mum and tell her, I'm not sleeping with your daughter I'm not touching that, please clean I want to shower/bath/wank what ever....
stop engaging with the brat, focus on mum, dishes dirty - tell mum to clean it, mum will soon enough push it down to her brat and start parenting.
Step back as a parent, she's not your kid and not your responsibility, you are not responsible for the lazy sloth adult she will become one day and you are not going to marry her thus you will not have to live like this.
read the link below it helped me allot with my Aergia, disengage
http://www.steptogether.org/disengaging.html
Nope, not a wonderful
Nope, not a wonderful relationship. Abject parental failures are not part of a wonderful relationship. At least in my experience they are not.
Good riddance that this abject parental failure and her spawn are soon to be gone from your life. Move on, find a partner of character, enjoy your life.
Take care of you.
You're right guys....it
You're right guys....it wasn't wonderful, apart from the first couple of years, before she brought someone else's kid under my roof...
Thanks for the replies all the same
I'm really torn apart that SD has sworn on her baby cousin's life to mother that she didn't take the money.....mother knows that she's lied before...and she isn't averse to a few white lies herself....not that she'd be dishonest about anything important of course
Will I ever know if she really did take the money?
Is it even important anymore?
The sh*t began 4 years ago when they moved in and began leaving the place a sh*t tip
No, it doesn't matter
No, it doesn't matter anymore. The fact that it's reasonable to suspect her yet there's no satisfaction for you from your partner let alone from the kid, that's a dead, dead, swamp right there.
You're living in crazy town. There's no magic that's gonna fix it. Reclaim your life and clean out the crazy.