SO refuses to tell his daughter no
Hi. I am new here. I am hoping to get some insight on being a stepmom. I am a step child myself. My dad married my "mom" when I was 9. She and I have always been very close (biomom not in the picture) but my sister was a hellion! She was hateful and mean to our step mom, calling her hateful nAmes and being physically violent. I am now in the position to be a step mom to my BF daughter. She is 11. I want to love her. I want her to feel loved like I did. HOWEVER he wont tell her no. He has no problem telling my kids no but he wont tell her no. He lets her sleep with us when she is here. He caters to her every whim. She lies on my kids and it makes fir a very stressful visit. My kids aren't even allowed in my bedroom! He yells as them to get out. He avoids my kids when im not home. I am not sure how to handle this. Please help.
Whoop-whoop, red-flags waving
Whoop-whoop, red-flags waving wildly.
"He lets her sleep with us when she is here." Okay, I had other thoughts when I began reading until I got to this line. Your beloved BF is allowing a child, a menstrual-ready, early-fertile female sleep with you and he. She likely has breast buds, a training bra and onset pubic hair.
"...he wont tell her no." He treats your children unkindly. You are wondering how to 'handle' this? How do you anticipate this situation to get exponentially better? Your BF has no sense of boundaries and few parenting skills.
You handle this by taking your children, your common sense and stepping away from this situation. Life is too short for you to consciously subject your children and yourself to this.
I think the responses you got
I think the responses you got so far are extreme and border
Line absurd. NO man would ever think of his daughters "budding sexuality" while wanting to sleep with her. He probably looks at her like she's his 3 yo princess still.
It's likely that he feels some sort of guilt.
I would NEVER allow my step child or my bio kids in my bed (except baby)
When I want to cuddle them I go to their beds.
You need to have a serious talk about boundaries, and make him stick to it. If he doesn't then u know where ur relationship stands
to the above poster who said "he probably wants his morning woody rubbing against his daughter" you are a seriously f*cked up and deranged person to say something like that about a child. Honestly get a life. What if YOUR 11 year old daughter just wanted to cuddle her dad? Come on. Ur comment sickens me.
Good luck OP
My opinion and understanding
My opinion and understanding of children (especially cross-sex children) co-sleeping with a parent, particularly a non-custodial parent, changed overnight when I had an opportunity to meet CPS ... Child Protective Services.
My advice to the poster is to avoid any appearance of impropriety. OP's custody of her own children can come under scrutiny as a result of BF's co-sleeping with a preteen girl AND his GF.
I don't think this guy is a
I don't think this guy is a predator. But what I do know is that it is sick and twisted to have a child old enough to menstruate sleeping in the same bed as a non related adult (OP). OP, please find your lady balls and stop this. I am shocked that you haven't spoken up and said, "This is gross! I will no longer sleep in this bed until it is just you and I." I mean, you guys have sex in that bed! Disgusting.
Why is your SD more of a
Why is your SD more of a concern to you than your own children?
You are making the CHOICE to have your kids live in a home with a man who clearly doesn't want them around. WHY?????
Why are you making the CHOICE to sleep in the same bed as his kid. That choice leaves you wide open for BM to claim child abuse. That poor decision could land your kids in foster care.
Stop worrying about SD. Instead use that energy to focus on protecting your children from your crazy BF and a potentially vindictive BM.
Mini wife syndrome. Guilty
Mini wife syndrome. Guilty dad syndrome. SD comes first before you and your kids. Please get out now. You'll never win over the SD. If you stay, you must accept that.
Hon this is not the man for
:jawdrop: Hon this is not the man for you, in your shoes I would've ended it, I'm sorry...
Why do I say this...
Being a skid yourself and growing up in a blended life (regardless if BM was in the picture or not) How did your father act, did he allow you and your sister to be disrespectful to SM, did he allow either of you to sleep with them? Did he do anything that your BF is currently doing? Was your Dad the same man as the BF?
If you answered NO to all the questions then you have your answer...... this is not the right way of a blended family and you and your kids deserves better
Your home, your marital bed,
Your home, your marital bed, your rules. Time to put your foot up some DH and Skid ass and give them clarity. Be ready to call the locksmith to rekey the locks if DH does not extricate his head from his ass in a hurry.
Why do you tolerate the double standard in how he treats your kids and how he expects his kid to be treated?