Does anyone else have a teen that is constantly posting on social media about how much they hate life, how horrible things are in their life, how they hate everything etc.? Is it a cry for attention or a cry for help?
I disagree that you do not have much say. You have just as much say as any parent. The key element of the title of Step Parent is not step... it is PARENT. So parent.
It is YOUR marital home, YOU make the rules, YOU enforce the rules, and YOU discipline any deviation from reasonable standards of behavior. Hopefully in partnership with your SO. However, if your SO does not like how you parent and discipline then your SO can step up and get it done before your have to or your SO can STFU and have your back while you fill in for your SO's parental failures.
I have long held that a marriage is an equity life partnership and that makes the partners equity parents to any children in their home regardless of kid biology. With that foundational philosophy I parented and did anything I chose to do in parenting my SS regardless of the naysayers who expressed that he was not my kid that I was not his parent, and could do the duties of parenting.
And when the smoke cleared, and the kid was raised and launched, he chose me. Though his BioDad (the SpermIdiot) was always in the picture and had reasonably regular long distance visitation (5wks summer, 1wk winter, 1wk spring). His mom and I met when he was 15mos old, I was the first person he ever called Dad(dy), and I became his dad when his mon and I married the week before he turned 2yo. When he was 22 he asked me to adopt him so now we have papers that document what I have always been... his dad. He now carries the family name. This is the first time he and his mom have ever officially shared a family name so the adoption was a huge deal for all of us.
We are where we are because my bride and I are a team and I would not accept anything less than equity parent status to my wife and parental superiority over the SpermClan, and I would not consider any input from naysayers.
Maybe a little of both. Might be time to have them shutdown their social media account and find them a place to volunteer at helping the less fortunate. We all have our problems but sometimes getting a little perspective on just how horrible life can be for others is helpful.
My stepson was very influenced by social media to the point that it was scaring me. He was not doing the depressive posts to my knowledge, but it was like he did not think he had any worth in the real world. Everything he did was for show in pics. After a series of him getting into trouble multiple times he basically got all social media access removed for about six months, in addition to all kinds of chore type punishments assigned by my husband. He also, out of sheer boredom, started going with his father and I to a community volunteer thing over the summer that he quickly became so part of as well. We also, at his request, found a good therapist for him. The change has been a really good one. He had limited access to social media now but as far as we can tell spends the majority of his time communicating with his real life gf from school. That is much closer to healthy IMO.
I read somewhere that complaining is the human race's biggest bad habit. So many people want to talk about how bad they have it or have some kind of pissing match of misery between them and the next person. I would personally start making my kid experience others in a more serious living condition maybe at a soup kitchen or homeless shelter to help them get a better perspective on just how horrible their life is in comparison to those that really have nothing.
Its nice that this is how it works in your household but it's not how it works in my house. SD has both her bio mom & dad in her life. They have both specifically told me that I am not to punish thier DD. I am to leave the punishing up to the bio-parents. I did punish her one time & I was and still am the evil step-parent. SD has never been punished so if it was me doing the punishing she's throwing a hissy fit to daddy and again I am the evil one. And before you tell me that my huband doesn't respect me, he does. We have a great relationship but when it comes to his daughter I just really do not have a say so in any rules or punishments. The things that I feel are important (being home at curfew, helping around the house, going to school daily etc) he doesn't feel are important it's his daughter, not mine so if he wants her to be a screw up then so be it.
Though I understand that the path of least resistance is definately the easiest I would not tolerate being marginalized in my own home and my own marriage by a partner or their X who try to dictate what I will or won't do in my home and how I will do it.
I maintain that it is your home, you can set the standards of reasonable behavior in your home, and you can address any deviation from those standards if your SO fails to step up and get it done before you have to.
Your situation works for you and that is fine for you. However, if it was really working would your DH be telling you what you can and can't do in your home and would he be tolerating his X dictating to you what you will do in your own family? If it was truly working wouldn't you and DH be partnering in setting and enforcing the standards of behavior in your marital home?
Its nice that this is how it works in your household but it's not how it works in my house. SD has both her bio mom & dad in her life. They have both specifically told me that I am not to punish thier DD. I am to leave the punishing up to the bio-parents. I did punish her one time & I was and still am the evil step-parent. SD has never been punished so if it was me doing the punishing she's throwing a hissy fit to daddy and again I am the evil one. And before you tell me that my huband doesn't respect me, he does. We have a great relationship but when it comes to his daughter I just really do not have a say so in any rules or punishments. The things that I feel are important (being home at curfew, helping around the house, going to school daily etc) he doesn't feel are important it's his daughter, not mine so if he wants her to be a screw up then so be it.
Fortunately/Unfortunatley I'm
Fortunately/Unfortunatley I'm not the parent, I'm the step. I don't have much say so in it.
If she was mine she wouldn't have half of what she has.
I disagree that you do not
I disagree that you do not have much say. You have just as much say as any parent. The key element of the title of Step Parent is not step... it is PARENT. So parent.
It is YOUR marital home, YOU make the rules, YOU enforce the rules, and YOU discipline any deviation from reasonable standards of behavior. Hopefully in partnership with your SO. However, if your SO does not like how you parent and discipline then your SO can step up and get it done before your have to or your SO can STFU and have your back while you fill in for your SO's parental failures.
I have long held that a marriage is an equity life partnership and that makes the partners equity parents to any children in their home regardless of kid biology. With that foundational philosophy I parented and did anything I chose to do in parenting my SS regardless of the naysayers who expressed that he was not my kid that I was not his parent, and could do the duties of parenting.
And when the smoke cleared, and the kid was raised and launched, he chose me. Though his BioDad (the SpermIdiot) was always in the picture and had reasonably regular long distance visitation (5wks summer, 1wk winter, 1wk spring). His mom and I met when he was 15mos old, I was the first person he ever called Dad(dy), and I became his dad when his mon and I married the week before he turned 2yo. When he was 22 he asked me to adopt him so now we have papers that document what I have always been... his dad. He now carries the family name. This is the first time he and his mom have ever officially shared a family name so the adoption was a huge deal for all of us.
We are where we are because my bride and I are a team and I would not accept anything less than equity parent status to my wife and parental superiority over the SpermClan, and I would not consider any input from naysayers.
Maybe a little of both.
Maybe a little of both. Might be time to have them shutdown their social media account and find them a place to volunteer at helping the less fortunate. We all have our problems but sometimes getting a little perspective on just how horrible life can be for others is helpful.
This is a great idea. Now
This is a great idea. Now only if I can get DH on board.
My stepson was very
My stepson was very influenced by social media to the point that it was scaring me. He was not doing the depressive posts to my knowledge, but it was like he did not think he had any worth in the real world. Everything he did was for show in pics. After a series of him getting into trouble multiple times he basically got all social media access removed for about six months, in addition to all kinds of chore type punishments assigned by my husband. He also, out of sheer boredom, started going with his father and I to a community volunteer thing over the summer that he quickly became so part of as well. We also, at his request, found a good therapist for him. The change has been a really good one. He had limited access to social media now but as far as we can tell spends the majority of his time communicating with his real life gf from school. That is much closer to healthy IMO.
I read somewhere that
I read somewhere that complaining is the human race's biggest bad habit. So many people want to talk about how bad they have it or have some kind of pissing match of misery between them and the next person. I would personally start making my kid experience others in a more serious living condition maybe at a soup kitchen or homeless shelter to help them get a better perspective on just how horrible their life is in comparison to those that really have nothing.
Rags, Its nice that this is
Rags,
Its nice that this is how it works in your household but it's not how it works in my house. SD has both her bio mom & dad in her life. They have both specifically told me that I am not to punish thier DD. I am to leave the punishing up to the bio-parents. I did punish her one time & I was and still am the evil step-parent. SD has never been punished so if it was me doing the punishing she's throwing a hissy fit to daddy and again I am the evil one. And before you tell me that my huband doesn't respect me, he does. We have a great relationship but when it comes to his daughter I just really do not have a say so in any rules or punishments. The things that I feel are important (being home at curfew, helping around the house, going to school daily etc) he doesn't feel are important it's his daughter, not mine so if he wants her to be a screw up then so be it.
Though I understand that the
Though I understand that the path of least resistance is definately the easiest I would not tolerate being marginalized in my own home and my own marriage by a partner or their X who try to dictate what I will or won't do in my home and how I will do it.
I maintain that it is your home, you can set the standards of reasonable behavior in your home, and you can address any deviation from those standards if your SO fails to step up and get it done before you have to.
Your situation works for you and that is fine for you. However, if it was really working would your DH be telling you what you can and can't do in your home and would he be tolerating his X dictating to you what you will do in your own family? If it was truly working wouldn't you and DH be partnering in setting and enforcing the standards of behavior in your marital home?
Rags, Its nice that this is
Rags,
Its nice that this is how it works in your household but it's not how it works in my house. SD has both her bio mom & dad in her life. They have both specifically told me that I am not to punish thier DD. I am to leave the punishing up to the bio-parents. I did punish her one time & I was and still am the evil step-parent. SD has never been punished so if it was me doing the punishing she's throwing a hissy fit to daddy and again I am the evil one. And before you tell me that my huband doesn't respect me, he does. We have a great relationship but when it comes to his daughter I just really do not have a say so in any rules or punishments. The things that I feel are important (being home at curfew, helping around the house, going to school daily etc) he doesn't feel are important it's his daughter, not mine so if he wants her to be a screw up then so be it.
It is pathetic is what it is.
It is pathetic is what it is. There used to be a message that parents gave their whiney spawn.... "Suck it up buttercup!!!"