No improvement
Hey it's been a while... Your comments were so helpful last time so feeling the need to vent again.
Ok so to recap I'm BM to 3 and SM to 4. SD13 hates me more than the others and it's obvious (except to OH who thinks it's all my fault). No improvements although I've now completely disengaged with all Skids due to their selfish behaviour and disrespect.
So OH takes his kids away for a week and I'm home alone for a couple of days before mine come. I'm stripping their beds (only my kids). No pillows on one bed. Another bed covered in dog hairs. SD has her dog sleeping on BD bed when she's not here!! Pillows off other BD bed nowhere to be seen so I call OH who asks then says they were 'borrowed' for a sleepover and put somewhere else after. I can't find them so take pillows off SD for BD.
They come back from holiday - peace over. At 11.15 last night SD barges into our room moaning no pillows on her bed. I said BD had to use them. OH tells her to go find the others so she strips off shouting 'pillow snatcher'. Then 30 mins later SS15 comes in throwing pillows on our bed telling us to sort out 'babyish actions' and 'act your age'. Aimed at me I guess.
I said nothing. OH went to sort it out. But it got me thinking - am I being childish? Genuinely I took the pillows because BD had none and then I forgot about it. I guess I was trying to make a point but it didn't work. It's quite upset me actually but I can't stand selfishness (and SD has a sense of entitlement). OH not spoken to me all day...
Thoughts please xx
Wow, your DH allows his skids
Wow, your DH allows his skids to just barge into your and his bedroom? And then have a fit in there? That should be the one child free zone in a blended family. Besides that I don't blame you for taking the pillows off their beds since obviously they did not return the pillows borrowed for the sleepover.
Your DH should not allow his skids to borrow things out of other people's rooms, skids should not be in your bio kids's rooms, the same rule should apply yo all kids bio and step alike.
I would be pissed at my DH for not handling his brats. Let OH have his pout and when he gets over it have a talk with the manbaby.
Yes pretty much! She had a
Yes pretty much! She had a friend to sleep over so took BD's. Apparently I've been childish according to SS and OH for taking hers
Well obviously the pillow
Well obviously the pillow cases were their own. And for my own kids I double up cases. It seems it's all been sorted and pillows are back with rightful owners. I was going to buy new for my BD but then that costs me and SD still gets to do what she wants. Can't help feeling a bit petty but if it was the other way round I know for a fact SD would kick off big style and go and take back what was hers. My B kids are more laid back so don't get het up like that
Thanks - that makes a lot of
Thanks - that makes a lot of sense. OH stands for other half (partner) - is that a British thing?
It's true that I've let them rule the roost for a while. It's a situation that emerged gradually and for a number of reasons eg OH said I couldn't discipline Skids, he thinks I have to earn respect and not expect it as a human being or adult of the house.
I'm going to let the dust settle and see what happens.
But you're right - I have to admit my mistakes
he thinks I have to earn
he thinks I have to earn respect and not expect it as a human being or adult of the house.
He is wrong.
As far as not disciplining step kids, if it has something to do with me directly or how my home is treated, I have the right to say something. Period.
Yeah yeah I know. You make
Yeah yeah I know. You make perfect sense and I'd be saying the same thing to others. I suffer from low self esteem and am on meds for it. I was seeing a counsellor who helped me feel much more in control but I seem to have slipped back into old ways and become a victim again. I need to man up I suppose but that's easier said than done when you're in the throes of a depressive episode. I've become everything I despise in others but at the moment lack the strength to move on. Pathetic maybe. And I hate what my Bkids see and must think so you're right I owe it to them.
Thanks x
Thanks for your
Thanks for your understanding. Life's not easy huh? Yes I'm seeing my counsellor again in a couple of weeks so I'm hoping that will help.
I've told OH I have to leave and he says he knows. He also says he hates his kids too
This environment IS toxic and
This environment IS toxic and as hard as it is to move on when when you are depressed, it is harder to get your self esteem back and get through the depression when you are surrounded by people who don't care about you or your mental health.
The best way to feel like you are in control, is to take control and that may mean being on your own. The best thing for your self esteem, may be to be on your own, being happy with yourself (for taking control), or at least be with somebody who respects you and demands respect FOR you from others. You don't have that.
I know first hand how hard is living with a mental illness and every move being a struggle. It's hard. It's hard and it sucks. If I had a partner who didn't support me emotionally and who let his kids treat me like crap... well, I just wouldn't. I'd rather be alone. I'd rather be alone with my depression than live with assholes.
Keep up the zero tolerance
Keep up the zero tolerance lesson focus for SD-15. Teach her that children are not adults and get no say.
Lather, rinse, repeat.
I would tear a strip off that
:jawdrop: I would tear a strip off that 15 year old brat. How dare he?? Shocked