I'm confused as to why you were mad about your SF not informing you about stuff with your mom. Isn't that your mom's job? Maybe your SF felt that it wasn't any of his business.

I am disengaged from the skids and they don't really bother DH unless they WANT something. So unless it was something serious- like in the hospital- I wouldn't think to let the skids know. If DH wants to tell them, then he can tell them.

nothing major and he is fine/nothing broken just sore. He mentioned it to FIL and his sister

So, your DH was conscious and able to communicate. Seems to me he could have called his daughters himself if he wanted them to know right then or ask you to do it. They have no reason to be annoyed or angry with you.

When my DH had a heart attack, he did not want any of his family to know until he was home from the hospital so I called no one on his side. His choice.

I guess it's something to discuss, should something more serious happen, what exactly your DH would want you to do.

I fell a week ago and landed face first on the concrete (tripped over a wire outside while reading the mail). I've still got a black eye and other bruises. Lots of blood when it happened. I am so lucky not to have a fractured cheek and wrist. It was a bad fall.

I didn't call anyone. DH was asleep when it happened. I didn't even wake him up until I'd cleaned myself up. I don't see that as a big deal at all. No reason to notify anybody. And I'm old.

I would not have expected DH to call and notify anyone. Actually I'd rather he not advertise how stupid I was to not pay attention to where I was walking.

Sounds to me like he was being a supportive spouse and handling what he could without bothering other people. He may have thought if he notified you that you would have felt he wasn't capable of taking care of your mom. Your mom may have asked him to not tell you. If he HAD let you know your mom had some sort of medical thing going on, how would you have responded? If you are a "mom went to the Dr and had a mole removed, better storm her castle" type, she may not have wanted you to know.

I'm disengaged from both my skids and my in-laws. My DH struggles with personal relationships and used me as a sort of facilitator/scapegoat. I became the target of lot of relational aggression because of this. So, for the past several years DH has been solely responsible for his relationships. We have an agreement - he handles his family, I handle mine.

DH has a chronic health condition that has required multiple surgeries, hospitalizations, and trips to the ER. He has never called any family, or asked me to. He is simply unwilling to put the effort into maintaining those ties, and it would take a LOT of work to establish boundaries, combat the multi-generational dysfunction, and rebuild relations.

In the event of a serious medical emergency I would contact one of his sisters, who would then pull the big red handle and gather the coven.

I think if any adult is conscious and is not in a life-threatening situation, it's up to them to "inform" whomever they think should know. Which fits with OPs case in this instance.

I do worry if/when something serious happens with my SO because I have no relationship with his adult kids. If he is in a situation where he is unconscious and it were serious, I'd first call his own family and then I'd call his daughter and let her know. My concerns are that once his daughter is involved, then his ex (BM) will somehow be involved too since SD will tell her everything.

Since we are not married, I have to be prepared that SD could very well tell me to shove off and direct that I not be allowed in the hospital nor privvy to any decision she may make regarding her father. (I know he can do a legal directive which outlines a role for me but he's been procrastinating.)

If that does transpire and my SO is not conscious, I would have to leave and hope that he would recover quickly enough to direct them to let me in. I would also be sure to let all my SO's family know that is what the SD has directed.

The other possibility (more likely) is that if something happens to SO, his darling daughter will probably come up with excuses as to why she can't visit, help, etc. and won't be around at all. She is a narcissist so any attention given to anyone else (even her dad) is not something she will engage on for very long.

About your life growing UP. And maybe this will also answer your questions about the here and now. The short and sweet is your Step dad was not obligated to inform you about your mom. Privacy and conversations between husband and wife are still alive and well, it is unfortunate that our society today few people respect it.

Medical Health and Mental Health are also protective privacy rights. It was not up to anyone to discuss anything if they do not want to unless there is a subpoena.

So please just think about that for a minute or two and let it sink in.

IF your husband wanted his kids to know about his fall, since he was vocal, it was HE that should have called not FIL. His dad over stepped and I suspect this was not the first time FIL "thought he should do this" DH should tell his Dad and MOM to let all calls to the kids come from HIM or YOU. With the exception if both of you're unable to speak.

It may be time for a living will and medical directives and wishes for all things.

Sounds UNfun to think about but it is wise to do so.

Don't be hard on yourself you FIL should feel bad, my guess is he doesn't think so.

Usually, my parents won't call me or my sister unless it's life-threatening.

Neither my mom nor my dad called me when my mom fell down a full flight of stairs... TWICE. Just casually mentioned it to me when I saw her the week after (I visit once a week.)

Mostly I think they don't want to worry us unless it's severe.

Nope, not in a similar situation. However, I would suggest that you have this talk directly with the SD's. Ask them what they want, and the three of you work it out.

I would think that since you and YSD have the most amicable relationship that she be your point of contact for the Skids and that you call FIL directly. Yes he is elderly, but.... he is reasonable when dealing with you and though the goal is communication of DH related health and wellness issues there is no reason why you should expose yourself to anymore toxic bullshit than necessary by calling OSD or SIL and giving them an opportuty to play their toxic play list with you.

Maybe your mother didn't want the news coming from someone else. Believe it or not, some people are very private when it comes to health issues. The anger at your SF seems to be a bit displaced.

I agree some individuals can be quite private. My ex mil was hospitalized and was dying. She did not want her children to visit her in the hospital during her last week on earth. She even decided when her end would come and yet did not want anyone to see her.

Moreover, in my experience with my ex when he was hospitalized, the sk drama ventured into the hospital room. He had asked me to let his ds know not to call as he had just come out of surgery and would be sleeping, not only that the phone was out of reach. I let my ss know and guess what, he called around 10x. I know he called purposely because it was my voice that communicated not to call. Another time, my ex asked me to tell his ds that the surgery was fine, but not to come to the hospital right away, again he needed to sleep. I communicated to ss his df wishes. Twenty minutes later, ss storms in the room.

It was then that I decided that I would never communicate with him anything to do regarding his df and illness.

My DH has two adult daughters that have nothing to do with him. I like what Stepaside said. Every step family dynamic is different. Some step families have great relationships. Some don't.

I've thought long and hard about this scenario. If DH becomes ill and is well enough and willing to make phone calls, he can do the phoning. If he has a health situation and is not able or willing to make phone calls I think I would leave it up to DH's sisters to communicate with his daughters.

If I had a decent relationship with DH's daughters, I would not hesitate to call and let them know what is going on. But that's not our situation. His daughters want nothing to do with him and for sure want nothing to do with me.

I don't make phone calls to people that do not like me. It's in my best interest to not call them and it's best for them to not hear from me. Ever. Who in the heck would want a phone call from someone they don't like! LOL

Well I can tell you that I tried, tried, tried in every aspect of this subject; I could not satisfy my SD56 no matter.

I now notify OSS58 of any serious conditions and I ask him to notify anyone he feels needs to know. On not so serious conditions, it's DH's job to notify his kids and other family members.

I take care of disabled DH, he has a home nurse (me), maid (me), and home health care (me); SD56 lives less than one block and she never has offered to help in any way for 30+ years that DH has been disabled. OSS58 lives in a neighboring State and he has been more help than anyone else.

I'm finished trying to make everyone happy. Chose one family member as a third person, it works well.

Fortunately, nothing serious has happened to my DH yet but I have already thought about what to do in a situation where there is a major emergency with him and he is not able to contact one of his kids what I would do. My DH works with both of sons so if something happened at work they would already know. I do get along very well with both boys and their wives and their children call and consider me their Grandma. Unfortunately, my SDs are evil, vile creatures who hate me simply for marrying their Daddy so I try to stay as far, far away from them as possible. They have not allowed me to be their children's grandma and I no longer choose to feel guilty about the lack of relationship with those grandkids compared to the other grandkids. Thus I don't care about the SDs and do not feel obligated to let them know anything about their father. If something serious was to happen to my DH and I needed to convey this to his children, I plan to contact my YSS who is the spitting image of his Father in personality and in looks and he will be responsible for calling his sisters. He is the calm, non-dramatic, normal one of the kids. Then I would call the OSS who is very sensitive and somewhat dramatic but is also a raging alcoholic and most likely would not be able to handle the stress of possibly losing his father and would go on a nasty drinking binge. If things were really serious I think I would call OSS's wife instead and she could tell her husband what's going on. She is definitely the stronger and secure person in their relationship. Then I would sit back and wait for them all to show up at the hospital and drive me nuts!! But seriously I hope I am never in the position to have to call them with sad or stressful news about their Father but I realize that is the reality and it will be my future and I just hope and pray I have the strength and courage to go through it with them.