Thoughts? You need to reassess your definition of wonderful. And the really liking his kids cause... Wow.

He may be a great guy in the whole aspect of being generous and kind, helping ducklings cross the street kind of way. But he stinks as a parent. If he thinks these behaviors demonstrate the kids being better behaved than most he's either delusional or he hasn't met many kids.

The thing is, there's no way to approach him about this and have him take it well. It will always feel personal to him, he will always be defensive about it. He is super indulgent and the behavior will only get worse as the kids get older. His inability to establish rules and boundaries and use of the word "no" now is going to make your life hell by the time they hit the teenage years if you choose to stay in this situation.

He's a guilty daddy. And based on his response, he sees nothing wrong with his parenting or his kids, so no, there's nothing that You will be able to do about his parenting or his kids. What you can do is evaluate your situation. If he never gets any better at correcting them or saying no to them, if the kids are never any better behaved, respectful, or polite than they are today - can you live with that for the next 40 years? When his darlings have kids of their own and it's the same behavior, when he wants family vacations and the grandkids are allowed to wake everyone at 6am - will he still be wonderful or will he be that spineless, inept, frustrating wimpy push-over that you resent every time you have to hear about or interact with these kids you Really like?

Not touching this one.

OP, I wish you the very best.

Your SO is not a particularly mature guy. He gets offended over adult discussion regarding his kids' behavior. Given what you have told us I would say that right now it is as good as it is going to get regarding the behavior of these kids.

A 5yo and a 7yo should be able to comply with reasonable standards of behavior and to do what they are told when they are told. That they don't is representative of the abject failure of your SO as a parent. That he thinks that his kids behavior is "better than most" just tells me that he has no standards.

It is a very common thing for non spawning SParents to have a much clearer and realistic view of kid behavior than their breeder partners. So, get used to this if you decide to continue the blended family dream with this guy.

That he forced the other couple to suffer through the inappropriate behavior of his toxic spawn tells me that he has no cares about other people. These kids will isolate you socially for a very long time if you tolerte this sitaution as it stands. Two very close friends of mine (ours) have difficult kids. On couple has two boys who are on the Autism scale. They actually parent their boys, have and hold them to behavioral expectaions and the boys for all intents and purposes do very well. When the boys struggle mom and dad deal with it directly and effectively in order to minimize the impact on others.

My other friend, who is my college BFF, on the other hand.... ugh... I can't stand his daughter. She is an out of control hellion and he and his wife are completely ineffective in jerking a knot in her tail. Interestingly I had it out with her when she was about 4yo. My friend and I and his daughter were at a restaurant for lunch after a morning spent boating on the lake. After we were seated he had to go to the rest room and nervously asked me to keep an eye on her while he was indisposed. As soon as he walked away she looked at me with a very calculating eye and then went ballistic. Screaming, yelling for her daddy, throwing crap off of the table, etc.... I calmly stood up, placed my napkin on the table, picker her up out of her booster seat, took her out of the restaurant and blistered her ass with a few stinging swats to the b butt cheeks. I then put her down poked her in the forehead with my finger as I told her to knock her crap off, and then I walked back in the restaurant and left her out front. It was a glass fronted establishment so I could see her. As soon as my friend returned to the table and asked where she was I pointed outside. As soon as she saw her daddy she freaked out again. I sat and finished my meal as he tried to console her outside. About the time I finished eating he came back in with her. As soon as she had an audience she freaked out again. I smacked my hand on the table forcefully and told her to sit down, be quiet, eat, and knock off her crap or I would take her outside for another spanking. She immediately locked her lips, sat down, ate, and kept her shit together.

For years after that my BFF would comment how well behaved his daughter is around me. This is the same guy who raved about how well behaved our kid was at that age but also grumbled that we were too strict on him.

She is now 9 and to this day she behaves exceptionally well when I show up. I have on a few occassions watched from a distance as she runs amok through restaurants, etc... Then I join the table and she immediately shuts up, sits down, and remains quiet for the remainder of my presence. There is a lot of pouting but no bullshit behavior from her.

So, whatcha gonna do? Do you stay and suffer through this for another decade + or ........?

Good luck.

This reminds me of something that happened with me and my SO (now DH) the first year or so of our relationship. The SDs were around 9 and 11 or 8 and 10.

We went to visit an old friend of his for the weekend and took the SDs. This was my first time meeting his friend and his friend’s wife. They also had two children.

The whole weekend I was miserable. I was basically ignored, the hosts were ignored so he could play/hang out with his children, who didn’t give the hosts’ children the time of day.
He sat playing Nintendo DS with the kids while the hosts tried to talk with him.

At the breakfast table (which sat 4 people), the hosts got to stand and watch while the kids played Nintendo DS with Dad again. Breakfast was over, but we couldn’t even sit down and enjoy another cup of coffee because the kids couldn’t leave Daddy’s side for a minute.

The children didn’t spend one minute entertaining themselves the whole weekend.

I swore I would never do it again and I haven’t.

The good thing is they are no longer like that. They are teenagers now and usually just do their own thing.

I don't know about ALL kids or comparing his with others. But I CAN compare his kids with my own son.

I got pregnant accidentally in college. The biodad got thrown in jail. I broke up with him. He got out of jail and fled to avoid child support. I was a single parent trying to finish my college education.

When was son was about 4 or so, I would invite some of my friends over after his bedtime for cards/dice/darts and some adult beverages. I made sure to wake up when I heard him up but once in a while I wouldn't. Do you suppose he went instant hellion and barged into my room demanding to play or me to get up and watch a movie with him? No, he did not.

What he DID do was make sure any cans were empty (poured down sink) and put into the recycling bin. He made sure that any dirty dishes were put in the sink (My rule was for him to not load the dishwasher at that age) AND he would pick up any napkins or garbage and throw it away! I was/am very proud of him.

Of course, he was also raised to say Please and Thank You and NOT interrupt adults! I heard numerous comments about how well mannered my son was.

Here is ThinkThrice's list of a possible Guilty/Disney Daddy:

https://www.steptalk.org/node/230628

Nope you're not being too judgey, sounds like you observed the typical guilty dad syndrome and the parenting that comes with that. If he's already getting defensive than he doesn't see that their behavior is a problem and he surly doesn't see he is fostering it and encouraging it. RUN FOR THE HILLS!!!!!!!!!!

I am in a VERY similar situation. Though, my boyfriend is very big on manners and structure. I too struggled a LOT with the constant interrupting. That has gotten better after I spoke with him. Sometimes, I correct it and say, your dad will answer you as soon as we're finished talking. YOU ARE NOT WRONG FOR THINKING ANY OF THESE THINGS!

Bottom line is, your feelings matter too.

We created 3 house rules (no more than 3). There were consequences if these rules were broken. On the contrary, I created a "warm and fuzzy" jar to reward the kids when I caught them doing something that made my heart warm and fuzzy. I am being dramatic with the warm and fuzzy thing, but they like it so it just works. I'm a teacher too for special education, so behavior management is my thing When they were caught being good (and you really need to be consistent in order for this to work), you put a cotton ball in a clear mason jar so they can see how full its getting. once it's full, we took the kids out for ice cream. This time around, we will go mini golfing. Anyway, you get the picture.

My best advice is to use "I" statements. "when the kids interrupt, I feel like my company is unimportant
I feel like my personal space is invaded when the kids barge in, can we establish "off limit times?"

Good luck!! I definitely know the struggle!

Also, if you are a reader, I recently downloaded an audiobook, "Step Monster" It's been given me a lot of validity in my feelings!

"This is exactly the problem. Not age or separation anxiety but the endless search for a reason or excuse for the inappropriate behavior. Who gives a crap about the why. The kid knows the behavior is not acceptable so bring the consequences and keep increasing the consequences until the kid decides to extricate their head from their own ass and shape up."
GOSH I LOVE THIS COMMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Brilliant!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!