Am I right?
My 16yo SD and I don't like each other at all. For about three months now I haven't hardly said anything to her; only if I've had to. She doesn't talk to me unless she has to either. About a month ago, my husband was talking to his daughter on the phone and he asked me if I would go pick her up. She snotily said to my husband "why can't you pick me up". He told her that he was working until 11:30 and that it would be when he woke up. After he got off the phone, I told him straight up that I'm tired of her attitude towards me, her faces that she's made toward me and that if she had an attitude toward me just once, I was going to go off on her and I wasn't going to be nice about it. He didn't really say anything at that point. I guess he had a talk with her on the way home the next day and she basically said it was all me and that she didn't care.
In the last month, twice I've heard her make snide comments about me to her mom. She and her older sister (19) hate each other and can't be around each other more than 10 minutes without fighting. The first time I heard the younger make a rude comment about me was telling her mom that she is forced to get along with two people in the house (myself and the older SD) and more recently again talking to her mom "I don't care what she does", meaning me. Lately she has been making laughing noises when she's on her phone doing it only when I come into the room or if she's walking out of the room. It's like she's laughing at me or something. I ignore her and just figure she's laughing at something her friend said. I don't think that's the case but oh well. Both my stepdaughters told my sis-in-law that their dad treats me better than he does them. My sis-in-law told them that I treat him better.
My husband and I had a disagreement last week during a conversation. I don't even know how it started. He told me you don't like SD and I said she hasn't liked me for a while. He said I'm supposed to be a mother figure to her and I told him it's hard to be a mother figure to a kid that doesn't like me. He said I don't do anything for her and I said why should I? He said that her mother is the one that has put the dislike toward me into her head and I said not it's not, SD is old enough to know what's right and wrong and that she's the one in control of her mouth. It didn't turn into an argument that dragged on and on. We ended our phone call on a good note.
My youngest SD and I have always had friction between us. My husband and I have been together 5 years and married 2. He will sometimes say something to her but for the most part he just lets her rant and rave and be a smart aleck all she wants. Every now and then, he says something to her and gets mad at her but he never follows through with consequences he says will happen. Her attitude has changed for the most part towards him but she still has an attitude toward her sister and I.
My husband says that it's only two more years and then he will be done with his ex-wife that can be difficult when it comes to CS. He says that life will teach her a lesson and that she'll regret the way she's treating people right now. The kids have always lived with us full time but the older one doesn't stay at the house that much anymore; maybe a couple times a week because she says she doesn't feel welcome and she doesn't want to deal with the younger SD.
It seems that the younger SD is making the house miserable and it is not being dealt with, in my opinion, the proper way by my husband. She has a jealous attitude when it comes to her dad and I doing things together. My question to anyone who wants to answer is how do I deal with this and am I doing the right thing by not doing for her anymore and just talking to her only when necessary? Am I handling her the wrong way? Is there a different way I should be trying? I don't know what to do anymore and I'm depressed. I do my own thing when I'm home and I don't pay attention to her and what she's doing. I just ignore her and her attitude. Am I doing ok?
Thanks for reading. Advice on this topic by those that are going through the same thing or have gone through the same thing would be appreciated. :sick:
I think you continue as is.
I think you continue as is. If he wants to let her continue to live there an alienate both his older daughter and his wife by not dealing with disrespect in a stronger manner than it is on him to figure out how to take care of her needs without your help. It doesn't sound like he is terribly fond of her either and is counting the days to not have to deal with her. Also, yes, PAS sucks and it definitely is part of it but I agree that at some point kids are responsible for their own life choices including what comes out of their mouths.
How the situation came that I
How the situation came that I don't speak to my younger SD is that one Saturday about two months ago, she had been giving an attitude to my husband all day. In the evening, my mother-in-law, my husband and I had been running around and came to the house to pick her up for dinner. She said hello to my mom-in-law but not to myself or my husband. So I said hello to her, in a snotty way like she is to me. She was talking lowly to my mom in law about what she had bought at the mall (she doesn't like to speak loudly about what she does when she's talking to my mom-in-law who lives with us) and I ask if she had gotten the shoes she was looking for and she said yes. Then I asked her what color they were and in a voice I could not hear, she said the color. I told her I couldn't hear her and she let out a hard sigh like it was a problem to speak up and told me the color. When we were walking into the restaurant, I told my husband that I was tired of her attitude and he told me that he was tired of her attitude. Through dinner, she kept up with her smart mouth and though my husband tried to put her in her place, she kept on. Ever since that night, I haven't said anything to her unless to tell her dinner is ready or to ask her if she wanted a napkin or something small like that. The questions are simple yes or no questions. I don't elaborate at all with her. I am gone three nights during the week for work (Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday), and am home Friday Saturday Sunday and Monday night. My husband works Tuesday through Friday, 3pm to 11:15pm. He is not home during the week in the evening with her; basically he sees her in the morning before school or on the weekend. My husband cooks dinners for the week usually on Sunday or Monday. I cook on Saturday or sometimes on Sunday if he doesn't. I used to take her to her friend's house if my husband said no (just to get rid of her otherwise she'll hound him until he says yes), I spent all day on a Saturday taking her and her BF shopping for a dress for a dance (three malls and a couple other clothing stores), picked her up after 10pm on a Friday from school events, gone to her sports events after getting off work, taken her to the store if she needed something, driven her to meet her mom an hour away (her mom lives two hours away), and have tried to sit and have conversations with her regarding school, sports, or how her friends are doing or asking about some event she had coming up or a test she had to take or asking how her mom is (her mom and I have good conversations when we are around each other, which we didn't have until the oldest SD graduated last year from HS. The mother even says she's a brat.) I've stood up for SD to my husband if she wanted to do something with her friend that was harmless like going to the movies or staying overnight at a friend's house, I told my husband to just let her go and have fun. I've bought her clothes or school stuff or if she was at the store with me and wanted something. The last two years, I've spent a whole day taking her and her sister school clothes shopping and got them what they wanted (my husband hates shopping). I don't do anything for her anymore. My husband does get on her about her arguments with her older sister. The sister has a mouth on her too and has started arguments with the younger SD. My husband does jump on her for her attitude also. The older SD doesn't treat me like this. She is 19 now and works and goes to school. I can sit and have a conversation with the older SD with no problem and she'll talk to me. I can tell the oldest SD I love you and she will say it back. I have told the younger SD I loved her but she didn't respond. That was at Christmas. Now, I have the opposite feeling.
The older SD doesn't have her
The older SD doesn't have her own place. She stays with her friends and comes here and stays a couple times a week. I don't see her very much. She doesn't want to be here but doesn't make enough money at her job to live on her own.
The older SD doesn't have her
The older SD doesn't have her own place. She stays with her friends and comes here and stays a couple times a week. I don't see her very much. She doesn't want to be here but doesn't make enough money at her job to live on her own.
The older SD doesn't have her
The older SD doesn't have her own place. She stays with her friends and comes here and stays a couple times a week. I don't see her very much. She doesn't want to be here but doesn't make enough money at her job to live on her own.
What does SO mean?
What does SO mean?
Zero tolerance is how I would
Zero tolerance is how I would deal with this crap. Nail the toxic SD-16’s ass to the wall for each and every snide remark, look, or laugh and for any other unacceptable behavior.
Set and communicate the standards of behavior you require in YOUR home. You live there, it is YOUR home. DH can either step up, parent, and discipline before you have to or he can STFU while you do it.
As equity life partners you are also equity life parents to any children in your marital home regardless of kid biology. If DH can’t recognize and agree to that then it may be time to shop for a new equity life partner. If this crap does not end now it will just get worse when this toxic crotch dribble is an adult.
Proactively end her digital life when she is in your home. Buy a jammer for your home so when someone walks in the door their phone stops working. Move the internet router to your room set up a daily password and cut her off. If she is not sitting on the couch with her phone glued to her ear then it is pretty clear that her snide laughs are directed at you. If that is the case.... nail her ass to the wall for it. If there are any incidents of snide or snarky behavior then for damned sure there is no cooking, no rides, no shopping, no jack for nothing... PERIOD!!!
There is no reason why you cannot take back your home for the next two years and bring the pain of a life of abject misery down on this toxic kid like a ton of shit in a 1gal Ziploc. End her bliss and don't give it back until she either corrects her behavior or is gone. Either way it is good riddance. Either good riddance to the departing toxic behavior or the departing toxic spawn. Either way.... YOU WIN!!!!!
Most importantly .... have fun with tormenting the spawn. }:)